Online "dating" kills romance?

toexpress

So there was a thread discussing the crappyness of gaydar and I think most people accept that crap is one way of putting it but the online thing seems to be mainly about instant gratification (to put it another way it's a means of getting some casual NSA fun) and there is no harm in that (I engage now and then)

But where do you go if you don't want to do the online thing but would like to meet someone for more than a knee trembler behind the G of a Saturday night?

Or have we all just grown to love the old NSA so much we have forgotten how to date?

jenbaby31

hey toexpress

i met my gf on gaydar initially but i think that was an exception to the general rule because as you say it is more a less instant gratification! i don't generally think there is really anywhere to casually meet someone unless it's in a bar/club or perhaps through a mutual friend - which is always a good idea i've found!

Dwn Wth Vwls

I usually say social/sports groups are the best way of meeting new people, but to be honest I've never dated anyone I met through one.

I think you can date using websites or apps, but I think it only works if you make the effort and stick to your guns that you want to date. You have to refuse NSA if offered. Don't message people who say they're looking for "fun". Get chatting to people, and after a reasonable time, suggest meeting for a coffee or whatever. Meet for an hour or less, keep it short and sweet, and then see if you want to meet again. There ARE people who want to date mixed in with the people just looking for sex.

It can be hard work, and the offers of sex are certainly easier, but what's easier isn't always what's best. I think NSA makes people lazy, and removes a certain element of motivation.

anotherlostie

I think judging by this and other similar thread, I must be in a real minority but I know several sets of friends in LTRs or Civil Partnerships who met on gaydar and its predecessors/ rivals. Either my friends are all exceptions, or they're just honest! And in all cases, I understand the first date was a drink/ coffee, so the idea that everyone who meets online falls into bed within 5 minutes for NSA is not my take on it.

jenbaby31

Yeah your right just because someone meets online doesn't mean the motive is just sex! I think if you meet someone in a club it's more likely to end in a one night stand

filmbuffboy

online dating has completely killed off people truly communicating with eachother.

there is no such thing as real dates anymore, or hardly any such thing for most. its all about hook ups, and conversations that go nowhere online.

I think the fact that we have become more connected has actually ironically made us less connected in the long run.

Caiseoipe19

filmbuffboy wrote: »

online dating has completely killed off people truly communicating with eachother.

there is no such thing as real dates anymore, or hardly any such thing for most. its all about hook ups, and conversations that go nowhere online.

I think the fact that we have become more connected has actually ironically made us less connected in the long run.

You're last comment reminded me of the lyrics from a song,
"Technology made it easy for us to stay in touch while keeping a distance,
'til we just stayed distant and never touched. Now all we do is text too much."

I still think online dating sites can be beneficial.
When you say that that there's hardly such thing as dates anymore, that it's all about hook ups and conversations online. I really don't see how the internet has changed what people are looking for. As in, how has the internet made people want hook ups instead of relationships? Okay maybe before online dating people were going on dates etc. when all they wanted was the sex and just had to go through the whole going on a date part to get it.

Regarding online conversations that go nowhere...again, I don't always see the harm. I personally am far from being fully out and over the past year or so chatting on the internet has helped me a lot with dealing with stuff. There's one guy I've been chatting to since last September. We've never met because he's over in the states but I'm even at the stage where I consider him a good friend, and I don't consider many people close friends. Both of us knew that the chances of us meeting were slim but we both enjoy chatting to each other. While I'm quite determined to find a way to meet him, the journey getting to that point, getting to know each other and building a relationship albeit online, was enjoyable anyways, it's not all about the final destination, if you get me?

filmbuffboy

Cygnus wrote: »

You're last comment reminded me of the lyrics from a song,
"Technology made it easy for us to stay in touch while keeping a distance,
'til we just stayed distant and never touched. Now all we do is text too much."

I still think online dating sites can be beneficial.
When you say that that there's hardly such thing as dates anymore, that it's all about hook ups and conversations online. I really don't see how the internet has changed what people are looking for. As in, how has the internet made people want hook ups instead of relationships? Okay maybe before online dating people were going on dates etc. when all they wanted was the sex and just had to go through the whole going on a date part to get it.

Regarding online conversations that go nowhere...again, I don't always see the harm. I personally am far from being fully out and over the past year or so chatting on the internet has helped me a lot with dealing with stuff. There's one guy I've been chatting to since last September. We've never met because he's over in the states but I'm even at the stage where I consider him a good friend, and I don't consider many people close friends. Both of us knew that the chances of us meeting were slim but we both enjoy chatting to each other. While I'm quite determined to find a way to meet him, the journey getting to that point, getting to know each other and building a relationship albeit online, was enjoyable anyways, it's not all about the final destination, if you get me?

In reference to the above highlighted question, I do honestly think that peoples attitudes to casual sex have drastically changed in the last ten years due to readily available porn.

Im not completely against online dating, it has actually worked for me in the past - but I think overall, people are becoming less connected with one another.

The amount of times you have a converstion that goes no where generally trumps the amount of real connections you find online.

I suppose it doesnt help that I live in the west of Ireland, if I lived in a bigger city perhaps it would be different? or is that just me being naive?

toexpress

filmbuffboy wrote: »

I suppose it doesnt help that I live in the west of Ireland, if I lived in a bigger city perhaps it would be different? or is that just me being naive?

No I think living in larger urban areas makes the difference. When I lived in London there was no shortage of dates and I mean proper dates, some led to short couple of week flings one led to something long term. But now I live in Midlands Ireland. I could get any amount of NSA with married men (today on gaydar alone have had several offers) the guys in Dublin are all on for dates but suggest leaving the city and it's like I suggested going to the end of the earth :-(

Don't get me wrong NSA does have it's place sometimes we all just need to get off but who really wants to spend their life shagging with random strangers

filmbuffboy

toexpress wrote: »

Don't get me wrong NSA does have it's place sometimes we all just need to get off but who really wants to spend their life shagging with random strangers

exactly! it all becomes a bit meaningless and empty after a while.

toexpress

It's not just the dating and romance thing though when you think about it. If you aren't up for a shag then you are even more disposable than just a random because no-one seems to think of the value that you may have as a friend

And lets face it friends can be worth ten random shags

filmbuffboy

toexpress wrote: »

It's not just the dating and romance thing though when you think about it. If you aren't up for a shag then you are even more disposable than just a random because no-one seems to think of the value that you may have as a friend

And lets face it friends can be worth ten random shags

yeah thats a good point.

another thing that bugs me about online 'dating' is the fact that people can put themselves forward in a way that is not reflective of who they truly are. I mean, we all do this in real life to an extent but online is can be extreme.

but sure, such is the world wide web for ya!

Hamhide

I met my bf on gaydar.I'm with him 2 years now and there was a lot of romance.we were both kinda looking for a relationship and things have worked out quite well,dating websites arnt all that bad.If your looking for a quickie or a long term relationship you can deffo find them on good sites

filmbuffboy

Hamhide wrote: »

I met my bf on gaydar.I'm with him 2 years now and there was a lot of romance.we were both kinda looking for a relationship and things have worked out quite well,dating websites arnt all that bad.If your looking for a quickie or a long term relationship you can deffo find them on good sites

what good sites are you referring to?