hot and cold

LegacyUser

Hey all,
we've been going out for a month or so, but I was absolutely mad about him.
Turns out we share very different views on relationship. I thought we were going somewhere but clearly he wanted to take things veeeeery slowly.
Which simply did not work out for me, so I broke up and tried to cut contacts but eventually got back having sex with him.
Still no intention of bringing things forwards, and yes I'm aware I was probably going too fast for him and that ruined it for the two of us, so anyway, I cut contacts again, this time with a little more success for a couple of months thinking, well I still fancy him but we can be friends.
In the meantime he's sending the odd friendly text and, when I stop ignoring him he gets flirty again. So I think yay!
So we meet and we kiss. Well he kissed me, and I obviously didn't say no. Then he apologises (because he knows I still fancy him) and then he kisses me again.
Now he's gone back to being icy courteous and I'm not contacting him but what a tease.
Am I right?
I mean, it seems that when I'm ignoring him he looks for me, when I give up and kiss him/have sex with him he just loses interest again.
I just can't stop blaming myself though, because I think if I was more patient the first time we would probably have ended up being in a relationship at some point. Ya, captain hindsight, I know.
Your views?

Beruthiel

My view.
Cut all contact and move on.
It's not going to go anywhere.

Tiocfaidh Armani

He likes the chase and knowing he can have you when he wants, it's an ego thing. Get rid!

daisybelle2008

You are waaaay too invested in this. Really put it behind you and move on. Accept you want a different type of relationship than he wants.
By not accepting that simple fact you are making this an unnecessary drama when it really does not need to be.
Move on and find someone on the same page/wavelength as you and you will be drama free. Tying to make someone want a relationship with you when they clearly don't is always a recipe for disaster.

Big Bag of Chips

This might sound horrible, but it seems he calls you when there's nothing better happening for him.

Essentially, you're a fk buddy.

He doesn't want a relationship. He just wants sex.

It's up to you to decide if you're ok with "just sex". If not, start ignoring all attempts at contact/flattery.

msg11

By the sounds of it this guy knows how to push your buttons, the right buttons to get your cloths off (don't mean to be crude!). As someone said, when there is no one around he gets in touch.

Put this whole thing under the bridge and move on with your life and onto someone that has some respect for yourself and your feelings.

Glowla

I can totally relate to you OP. You may have seen my post Here Today Gone Tomorrow where a situation like yours began far too long ago where we were together but he turned cold so we finished it and all that time in between we had these sporadic texts where he seemed really into me then would back off for another few months. It did my confidence and general being no good. We got back together at the start of this year and the same craic again, slowly backing off and turning totally cold again.

If I were you I would try ignore him completely because I think its a case of wanting what he can't have then when he catches you back the thrill will be gone and so will he until he feels like you're a challenge again.

Its an awful situation and mine went on way too long and only today did I get closure, we are very good friends despite everything because of circumstances but I would advise you either just totally ignore him or face up to him and tell him how you feel cos its a vicious circle and the longer he gets away with it the longer it will go on....and trust me, it does go on!

Good luck, I really feel for you cos I have been there x

Ande1975

OP, I don't know how old you are but you sound young.
Cut this guy loose, yeah he likes the chase but so do you...
I'm a LOT older than you and made all the mistakes you are making and guess what I am single...why? Because I loved the drama but never saw the big picture... all my friends actually had the long term goal in their minds for the longest time but I didn't because I thrived on drama.
You are going to meet so many guys like this fella... the smart girls stay well clear!

LegacyUser

thank you all for your replies. On so many levels I agree with you all. I am in my 30s so I'm not a puppy

I don't like drama, I never have but I like this guy because he's so different from a lot of guys I've been with before.

However, I'm not going to be happy with him, now or never, I know that. I built a huge resentment against him so it's never gonna work.

Thanks all