Need new drinking buddies

LegacyUser

Im 34 male ,married with no kids. I moved abroad for a few years and since coming back, i've lost touch with some of my mates, the ones im still in touch with are under the thumb. anytime i text them to go for a pint, they 'cant get out', or arrange to go for a pint, and then i get a last minute text that the missus wont let them out, with some BS excuse
It seems very hard to meet new mates, it seems much easier for girls.
Im getting pissed off lately, its getting me down.

Otis Driftwood

Moved from tGC.

baby and crumble

Have you tried other hobbies? If your friends have families, getting out for pints might not be that easy, but perhaps something else might be easier for them, like cinema, walking, etc.

username123

Nosociallife wrote: »

the ones im still in touch with are under the thumb. anytime i text them to go for a pint, they 'cant get out', or arrange to go for a pint, and then i get a last minute text that the missus wont let them out, with some BS excuse

Maybe your attitude towards them of being 'under the thumb' is off putting for them?

Most of my own friends plus husbands/boyfriends/partners lost interest in 'going for a pint' around that age. Nothing to do with being under the thumb, but more to do with having new responsibilities like a mortgage, children, no interest in losing a day to a hangover, etc.. Peoples priorities change as they grow up.

What about asking them to do something different to going for a pint, or asking them to suggest something? But certainly, Id drop the attitude that theyre 'under the thumb' - youre not doing yourself any favours if thats how you are referencing people who are supposed to be your friends.

TheChevron

Take up a sport. Running, squash, football etc.

Most of those activities end up with the people meeting for a few drinks at various times during the year. Work it from there.

Johnny_BravoIII

There's a reason for the term "local".
You're getting to the age where you head to the pub & see who is there.

Maybe your mates have just lost interest in drinking.
Too expensive, hangover with kids the next day....etc

Have you anything else in common with your mates, sports, hobbies etc?
Go for a round of golf, game of squash, run, hike, kayak, watch a match (not-pub-tv), comedy event (invite the wives), park day (bring kids), dinnner evenings, BBQ, sunday afternoon around yours, etc

If not consider joining a few clubs & societys. Broaden your social circle a bit.

Flashgordon197

I had something of a similar problem. I joined a local group. A hobby I had an interest in. Though clubs societies can be hit and miss socially. Its still worth a go. I think you have to flexible with your mates. Until my kid arrived I didnt realise the pressure a kid brings. The exhaustion. Perhaps meet them for lunch or travel to meet them.

But the local hobby club should be a good idea or take up a hobby you always wanted to do. I found even being in a local gym was a way of getting to know people in my area.

Pawwed Rig

username123 wrote: »

Maybe your attitude towards them of being 'under the thumb' is off putting for them?

I am sure that description bears from the OP's frustration in his not being around anymore rather than something he says to them regularly.

Dunno OP. It is a toughy as men tend not to make friends too easily after a certain age. Is there any scope in meeting other couples rather than just men? Try an develop something that way?

cynder

My hubby keeps telling his mates I won't let him out because he doesn't want to tell them he doesn't want to go out.

I say that's what your mates are doing they don't fancy going drinking and blame the wife. Sometimes I have to shove my hubby out the door but he wants to stay in and watch the soaps...

I would suggest inviting your mates and their wives round for dinner and have a night in...

red_diesel

If you're around the Dublin area Meetup.com is a great way to meet new people. I'm a similar age to yourself and found myself in the same situation when I moved back to Dublin after many years.

santana75

username123 wrote: »

Maybe your attitude towards them of being 'under the thumb' is off putting for them?

Most of my own friends plus husbands/boyfriends/partners lost interest in 'going for a pint' around that age. Nothing to do with being under the thumb, but more to do with having new responsibilities like a mortgage, children, no interest in losing a day to a hangover, etc.. Peoples priorities change as they grow up.

What about asking them to do something different to going for a pint, or asking them to suggest something? But certainly, Id drop the attitude that theyre 'under the thumb' - youre not doing yourself any favours if thats how you are referencing people who are supposed to be your friends.

I dont see how your post is in anyway helpful or constructive. The OP is just a bit frustrated at not having anybody to hang out with, thats all.
Maybe his friends are under the thumb, maybe they're not interested, only they themselves know and anything else is speculation.
OP you gotta expand your horizons when this happens. I hate the "join a club" advice, its very bog standard, but I do think you should start having a think about what you like to do. The pub isnt great in general and I think you're better off exploring the things that interest you instead. I read somewhere that it takes work to enjoy life. My interpretation of that is it takes work to figure out what you enjoy and then, how to go about making that happen in practice. Its easy to go to the pub and get sloshed, that requires no thought. But groups drift apart and like you're experiencing now, the pub thing ceases to be an option. I think so long as you make an effort and dont just give up and get bitter and angry at your friends for not going to the pub with you anymore, it'll work out.

username123

santana75 wrote: »

I dont see how your post is in anyway helpful or constructive.

Thats your opinion and you are entitled to it but you appear to miss the suggestions I made to the OP.

It would seem strange that every one of someones friends is behaving the same way towards him, youve got to ask in that situation, whats the common factor here? And the answer is, the OP himself. So maybe his attitude is the problem.

Id fail to see how pointing that out is not constructive? He is speaking about people he claims to be his friends, yet he is being offensive about them - what does that say about him?

Milk & Honey

Very few people go to pubs any more. Most drinking is done in at home or in town and city centres at the weekend. Suburban pubs are deserted during the week and have only a bit of life at the weekends. The reality is that socialising has moved on. The o/ps friends may have no interest in sitting in an almost empty suburban pub making small talk, not able to drive home afterwards, have a hangover the next day and have spent a significant amount of money in the process. A trip to the pub with a mate is going to involve at least 4 drinks at a cost of upwards of €20 plus transport.

JimmyCrackCorn

Nosociallife wrote: »

Im 34 male ,married with no kids. I moved abroad for a few years and since coming back, i've lost touch with some of my mates, the ones im still in touch with are under the thumb. anytime i text them to go for a pint, they 'cant get out', or arrange to go for a pint, and then i get a last minute text that the missus wont let them out, with some BS excuse
It seems very hard to meet new mates, it seems much easier for girls.
Im getting pissed off lately, its getting me down.

As people get older an pop sprogs priories and finances change.

Your in Ireland it is not hard to go into the local and find someone to talk to. If I can do it in oz and I know no one you can do it at home.

I have the opposite problem all I know is drinkers and have moved to finding people to spend time doing other activities.

Word is not short of drinkers.

Pawwed Rig

JimmyCrackCorn wrote: »

Your in Ireland it is not hard to go into the local and find someone to talk to. If I can do it in oz and I know no one you can do it at home.

People have different personalities. Just because you can meet and get on with strangers doesn't mean everyone can.

JimmyCrackCorn

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

People have different personalities. Just because you can meet and get on with strangers doesn't mean everyone can.

I disagree, I used to be useless at talking to people. It took practice and concious effort to change.