boyfriends clothes smell

LegacyUser

In 30s and being seeing guy bout 2 months now. Really love his mind,humour,depth,imagination etc. He's a total hippy though,passionate about environment etc. He's 40 and while I really like the casual informal look, his clothes are really smelly. His work involves visiting farms and I reckon his clothes have years of smells steeped into them .plus he no doubt uses ecological washing powder which may not be the best. I find it really offputting and unpleasant. I have a dog so he often comes to my place wearing ugly,sometimes stained tracks bottoms, his theory being dog hair is gonna ruin any decent clothes.I'm often tempted to meet him wearing grey fluffy slippers, saggy pants,greasy hair but worst thing is he would be ok with it! I'm all for cerebral but this is a bit much :-) we have gone for coffee etc with him in stained clothes,once he wasn't left into a bar cos of how he was dressed! I know he is just indulging me and honestly doesn't see why he should buy into societys expectations of cleanliness.I on the other hand would be MORTIFIED if thought I smelled offensively. I have spoken to him and he is trying.I don't want to have to bring up every time I see him as know he feels bad and is trying. I don't want to change his style,I just want him to wear non nobly jumpers that are smell free!
if I'm honest I would be concerned about my friends and family meeting him which sounds awful

blatantrereg

"Trying?" He's 40 years old...

The word trying is not applicable. It's very easy not to be smelly. It should be taken for grantedthat you make yourself not stink when you meet a partner. It's ridiculous that this is even an issue tbh.

I've an ecological washing liquid and it works perfectly. Ecover is the brand. Perhaps he shoves far too many items into a machine at a time, or only uses cold washes, or just doesn't wash his clothes very often... If he says he's concerned about power usage - he could just handwash his clothes. Total waste to use a machine and not even get your clothes clean. Again - that ecover liquid is suitable for handwashing...

Coming to your place wearing ugly stained tracksuit bottoms? Because he says your dog will ruin nicer clothes? He sounds like an ass tbh. Making an effort to be presentable around you ought to take precedence over some weird hang-up about dog hair.

MJ23

If he was 20 and he was a student trying to be different then it might be alright. But 40, come on. Does he think he'll save the world by not using a box of Daz and a washing machine? Get rid.

ElleEm

MJ23 wrote: »

If he was 20 and he was a student trying to be different then it might be alright. But 40, come on. Does he think he'll save the world by not using a box of Daz and a washing machine? Get rid.

That's a bit harsh.
He is doing what he feels is the right thing to do. I don't think the OP should just break up with him.

OP, can you not tell him that his clothes smell really bad and get into a conversation around what he should use to wash them?

Is it the smell or the look of him that affects you the most? You really need to tell him that this is something you want him to actively change.

Emme

Farmers shower and put on clean clothes when they go out so there's no excuse for the OP's boyfriend to go around stinking like something dredged from a slurry pit.

You can care about the environment and still take care of your appearance. The fact that this man is making no effort to impress his girlfriend is worrying.

It sounds to me like he doesn't wash his clothes at all, as another poster said, ecological washing powder works perfectly well when used properly. Have you ever been to his house?

Some years ago I dated a guy who wore stinky clothes and no matter what I said he wouldn't make any effort to clean up. His attitude was that I should be grateful he was spending time with me. He didn't even shave or comb his hair and my apartment would stink after he visited. He had to go.

OP, poor hygiene is not a sign of respect for the environment, it's a sign of disrespect for oneself and other people. Do you want to go out with somebody like that?

The Lovely Muffin

He's 40 and trying to change? Really?

I find it unbelievable that he seems to think it is acceptable to go around the place stinking.

As for dog hair getting on clothes - obviously it would get on clothes, but it won't wreck them.

I couldn't go out with someone like your boyfriend OP. Like you I would be mortified about him stinking and wouldn't be in a hurry to introduce him to my family or friends.

Personally I'd break it off with him.

Procrastastudy

I insist on dressing smartly and would also be mortified but come on people the guy is a 40 year old hippy and that's why the OP loves him.

Firstly - BALLS no seriosuly Eco-balls you can get them form Aldi or Lild (dont remeber which) very enviromentaly friendly and do a great job on clothes.

Secondly - Woman's place - you wash his clothes! I'm joking of course but maybe as a once off - you can do this is a joking fashion but might give him a nudge without dealing with it head on.

Thirdly - Woman wants to change man - man says he going to change - doesn't - Thats about the oldest problem out there tbh!

Why should he dress to impress his partner - refreshing that someone isn't putting on a show to get laid he's just being himself warts and all. Discuss it with him - nudge him but you need to acept this is probably the guy he is. If you're taking him to see parents etc just tell him - wear this I bought it for you - if you love me you'll do it this once, then let him be himself.

saa

The smell can be dealt with, sometimes my clothes can smell if I havent aired them out, with certain places you go its okay to tell your partner if there is a dress code but its not like he focuses on his work and being ethical and its like oh im sorry i didnt notice there was a stain or a smell off that it sounds like he believes that should not be an issue and of course he will still wear his hippy clothes no issue with that but you should be able to suggest something subtly but if its going to be a struggle then why spend all that energy trying to change someone. it seems like you two have very different values and priorities, okay so its about the clothes really what is going to be more difficult getting him to organise a washing/having a new set of clothes for each day system or getting over your fear of how people will perceive you based on him, on the bright side after a while you stop being able to smell things like that.

Squiggler

Might also be worth considering that the problem could be with how he dries his clothes. If clothes are left damp for any length of time, or dried in a kitchen or other environment with strong smells, they can end up pretty wiffy even if they were properly cleaned.

Eco friendly options don't equal not clean clothes. I've been using soap nuts for laundry for about 4 years now and they're fantastic (as well as being biodegradable, compostable, natural and renewable).




He is probably completely unaware of the smell.

mood

Eco brands work well. He simply is wearing dirty clothes that are rarely washed. I would also question weather he showers daily etc. I wouldn't be able to turn a blind eye to poor hygiene.

D.R Adams

So.... he wears old, stained tracksuit bottoms to your house because he says dog hair will ruin his other "stained, smelly, nobly jumpers and trousers" ??

There is no excuse for poor personal hygiene unless its a medical condition. Also agree with most posters above, trying to change at 40?? forget it sister!

mood

Squiggler wrote: »

Might also be worth considering that the problem could be with how he dries his clothes. If clothes are left damp for any length of time, or dried in a kitchen or other environment with strong smells, they can end up pretty wiffy even if they were properly cleaned.

Eco friendly options don't equal not clean clothes. I've been using soap nuts for laundry for about 4 years now and they're fantastic (as well as being biodegradable, compostable, natural and renewable).




He is probably completely unaware of the smell.

I don't think this is the case. His clothes are dirty and stained according to the OP. Not washing seems to be the problem. If a grown man needs to be shown or told how to wash clothes etc alarm bell would ring for me. He is a adult not a school kid.

mood

mood wrote: »

Not washing seems to be the problem. If a grown man needs to be shown or told how to wash clothes etc alarm bell would ring for me. He is a adult not a school kid.

People become habituated to these things. It's highly unlikely he's able to smell his own odour. To be fair, even if you smell nice, you're unable to smell your own odour. It's also unlikely that people actually broach the subject with him.

OP tough love is in order here. Make sure you tell him that his clothes are dirty and that it's not endearing. If he thinks you're just being girly or picky, explain to him that he can't pick it up himself but that he smells. Really bad.

whatdoicare

In fairness OP at 40, all you can do is sit him down and have a very serious point blank conversation about his personal hygiene - if that doesn't work then you're going to have to come to terms with the fact that he's an old dog that won't be learning any new tricks at this stage. Then you'll have to decide if you can live with it or is it time to part ways.

LegacyUser

Hi op here. I know he is making effort the past while. He does farm surveys etc and his overalls and wellies etc are thrown in his van so I reckon his clothes all have this smell-i get same smell when get in van. I used get freaked out but know its time to get practical and get him to maybe keep clothes in ny place and change into them. I'm just afraid that the old dog new tricks thing applies and when he's not with me, it doesn't bother him if his clothes smell. in other words is this issue fundamental enough to be a deal breaker. I'ts pointless if he is just indulging me and doesn't feel any shame that other people might find it offensive. He has so many great qualities. part of ne feels maybe he should find someone who doesn't mind about hygiene.
For the poster who tried cheer me up by saying ill get used to the smell, NO THANKS!! I'm already in the horrors that my own clothes will adopt this smell and ill be oblivious!

mood

true-or-false wrote: »

People become habituated to these things. It's highly unlikely he's able to smell his own odour. To be fair, even if you smell nice, you're unable to smell your own odour. It's also unlikely that people actually broach the subject with him.

But that is not an excuse. Every should wash themselves and there clothes regardless. I'm sure I can't smell my order the way other would of me but I still shower daily and wear clean clothes.

TheBegotten

I fail to see the problem. If he doesn't conform, so what? I think this is really petty tbh. He's 40 years old, you can't tell him what to do. I think the fact that he gets the odd funny glance is why he does it. Its why I do stuff like that anyway.

ash23

OP I'm dating a farmer at the moment and he never smells or turns up unclean. He spends his days knee deep in cow sh*t and then he goes home and showers and changes into clean clothes to meet me.

I've never caught a whiff of manure yet. I'll be honest, if he showed up to meet me looking dirty and smelling bad I wouldn't be meeting him again. To me I'd feel it was a total lack of effort on his part.

A family member is a bit the same way as this guy but it's laziness on her part. She washes clothes in the machine and then hangs them in her kitchen which is manky. They all smoke in there and she has a few dogs and because she barely cleans, the house smells.
When her children come to stay with me I always have to wash their clothes in secret because I can smell the damp, stale smoke and wet dog smell before I even open the bag I don't want them to feel bad but I don't want them to smell so I wash the clothes when they are in bed and have them dry and repacked for the morning.

I can't wrap my head around it at all and could never be with someone who didn't value personal hygiene.

username123

I dont understand why there is even a thread on this. Talk about over analysing!!

This guy is a dirty individual who has low standards of personal hygiene and doesnt care what other people think of that.

No need to over analyse about his type of washing powder, his reasons for wearing dirty stained clothes etc...

He is 40. He smells. He is not going to change. Either accept it or finish with him.

LittleBook

goddamhippies wrote: »

Hi op here. I know he is making effort the past while. He does farm surveys etc and his overalls and wellies etc are thrown in his van so I reckon his clothes all have this smell-i get same smell when get in van. I used get freaked out but know its time to get practical and get him to maybe keep clothes in ny place and change into them.

If at 40 years of age he doesn't know that it's possible to have one set of clothes for work (i.e. the smelly ones) and keep the rest of his clothes smell-free, I'd be a bit dubious about his eco-friendly excuses.

woodoo

goddamhippies wrote: »

His work involves visiting farms and I reckon his clothes have years of smells steeped into them

Why is he still wearing clothes years old? Sounds like you are fighting a losing battle.

dearg lady

woodoo wrote: »

Why is he still wearing clothes years old? Sounds like you are fighting a losing battle.

well that's a silly point, I have some clothes for 10 years and they're perfectly fine. And they don't smell at all.

mood

dearg lady wrote: »

well that's a silly point, I have some clothes for 10 years and they're perfectly fine. And they don't smell at all.

That's because you wash them! Smells wash off. How old clothes are has nothing to do with smells.

going un-reg

There is no excuse to smell as bad as you're explaining it. If he doesn't want to use conventional cleaning products, there are plenty of supplementary products that are eco-friendly that will just do the same job, if not better in some cases. Spark up conversations with said subjects if it might contribute to providing a cleaner solution.

There must be an element of laziness thrown in here. I know people who you'd call a "hippy", they wear unconventional clothing, but they know what a bar of soap does.

OP, this MUST be effecting the intimacy in the relationship? If it was, it might be a time for an ultimatum. If this wasn't someone you were seeing, but merely a friend this wouldn't be an issue, but when intimacy is involved, that's not very fair if merely to show respect to you!

I know you have to respect is outlook on life, but he has to also respect your opinion and worries.

G'luck

Emme

goddamhippies wrote: »

Hi op here. I know he is making effort the past while. He does farm surveys etc and his overalls and wellies etc are thrown in his van so I reckon his clothes all have this smell-i get same smell when get in van. I used get freaked out but know its time to get practical and get him to maybe keep clothes in ny place and change into them. I'm just afraid that the old dog new tricks thing applies and when he's not with me, it doesn't bother him if his clothes smell. in other words is this issue fundamental enough to be a deal breaker. I'ts pointless if he is just indulging me and doesn't feel any shame that other people might find it offensive. He has so many great qualities. part of ne feels maybe he should find someone who doesn't mind about hygiene.
For the poster who tried cheer me up by saying ill get used to the smell, NO THANKS!! I'm already in the horrors that my own clothes will adopt this smell and ill be oblivious!

If he's doing farm surveys he should wash and disinfect his wellies between each farm (most farms will let him do this) and wear clean overalls. The overalls should be washed properly AT LEAST once a week, ideally twice. Or he should change his overalls once a week. Otherwise he is a health hazard to the farms he is visiting and could be a vector for infectious diseases. If he were a vet I doubt if he would be allowed to practice with his current standard of personal hygiene.

He sounds like a crustie, not a hippy!

fits

I think he sounds like a lovely guy. You're going to have to be straight up with him, because no matter what his occupation, there is no excuse for smelling like that. I use Ecover and it works perfectly fine.

He is probably unaware of the smell. Tell him and help him I guess. But be straight.

dearg lady

mood wrote: »

That's because you wash them! Smells wash off. How old clothes are has nothing to do with smells.

I know but I was just responding to someone who was suggesting he shouldn't be wearing old clothes!

the_syco

Squiggler wrote: »

He is probably completely unaware of the smell.

I was going to say this as well. Not only may he not know about the smell, but he's gotten so used to it, he doesn't smell it.

stovelid

Never undertood this conflation of being ethical and not washing. I'm ethical but I'm not a tramp.

Smelling bad affects other people too.

I would tell him to clean up or dump him.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all your posts. I am a bit of a clean freak and have never come across anyone with this issue so wanted validation that am not over reacting! I'm gonna sit him down tomorrow and explain how serious an issue it is for me. I know he has a 'thing ' about priding himself on his values and don't care about societys rules.ill just to explain that this is one rule he has to conform by otherwise he can find another hippy with no nose! If he is bothered by my worrying about what other people think of him, then ill explain that its respect for other people and its not like he is selling his soul. I also want to make sure that he isn't just gonna wear clean clothes when meeting me as that would just be to keep me happy-if he can't genuinely accept that cleanliness is good at all times,then its a deal breaker.
He does wear clothes that have been freshly washed when meeting me but they still smell-ill offer to do some detective work to come to root of issue if he passes above tests! Ill wash a load,dry then,see if still smell. Get him to wear clothes in car for hour,see if smell after that.
Much as I like him,I'm looking forward to getting this resolved one way or other!

woodoo

dearg lady wrote: »

well that's a silly point, I have some clothes for 10 years and they're perfectly fine. And they don't smell at all.

So you think

Some clothes get a ground in smell in them over time. It can be hard to shift for long. Particularly old wool.

woodoo

woodoo wrote: »

So you think
Some clothes get a ground in smell in them over time. It can be hard to shift for long. Particularly old wool.

Some old wool might, but that doesn't mean he shouldn't have old clothes. I have clothes that are very old, but they don't smell, and yes, I'm sure. You can be smelly and have new clothes, and you can smell fine in old clothes - it's about washing, not age.

mood

goddamhippies wrote: »

Thanks for all your posts. I am a bit of a clean freak and have never come across anyone with this issue so wanted validation that am not over reacting! I'm gonna sit him down tomorrow and explain how serious an issue it is for me. I know he has a 'thing ' about priding himself on his values and don't care about societys rules.ill just to explain that this is one rule he has to conform by otherwise he can find another hippy with no nose! If he is bothered by my worrying about what other people think of him, then ill explain that its respect for other people and its not like he is selling his soul. I also want to make sure that he isn't just gonna wear clean clothes when meeting me as that would just be to keep me happy-if he can't genuinely accept that cleanliness is good at all times,then its a deal breaker.
He does wear clothes that have been freshly washed when meeting me but they still smell-ill offer to do some detective work to come to root of issue if he passes above tests! Ill wash a load,dry then,see if still smell. Get him to wear clothes in car for hour,see if smell after that.
Much as I like him,I'm looking forward to getting this resolved one way or other!

It's possible is house is very dirty etc. But in intimate moments you must have an idea if he showers daily or not. if not I would be out of there!

Green Gelato

goddamhippies wrote: »

I also want to make sure that he isn't just gonna wear clean clothes when meeting me as that would just be to keep me happy-if he can't genuinely accept that cleanliness is good at all times,then its a deal breaker.

He does wear clothes that have been freshly washed when meeting me but they still smell-ill offer to do some detective work to come to root of issue if he passes above tests! Ill wash a load,dry then,see if still smell. Get him to wear clothes in car for hour,see if smell after that.
Much as I like him,I'm looking forward to getting this resolved one way or other!

Hmm... This story sounds slightly familiar. I went out with a guy a bit like that for a few years and always thought I could eventually resolve the hygiene issue. I wouldn't ever see myself as a clean-freak generally, but I feel like he turned me into one! When we ended up living together, I ended up spending all my free time washing and drying clothes and trying to get him to have a shower and put on his smelly-feet cream!:D Everytime we went anywhere I'd have to ask him to change his top cause he'd have something spilled down the front or whatever! He wasn't too impressed I can tell ya, and I ended up feeling like a bad person for it!

I think there were 2 good points made earlier about over-loading the washing machine and not drying/airing clothes properly. This is definitely something I've noticed boys doing a lot! I have, however been accused of having a super-sensitive sense of smell - it is possible that your fella simply cannot smell things to the same level you can.

Can I ask you a question that may seem strange?!! Do you like the smell of HIM, apart from his clothes? As in, do you like the smell of his skin?! Because I personally think this has a lot to do with attraction in general. I know it sounds cracked, but some people just smell good to you and some don't. ANd I suspect it's a personal thing. And if you don't like the smell of him, you're hardly going to like the smell of his clothes!

Ps I broke up with my smelly hippy - life's too short to be a nagging washer woman!

BroomBurner

goddamhippies wrote: »

Thanks for all your posts. I am a bit of a clean freak and have never come across anyone with this issue so wanted validation that am not over reacting! I'm gonna sit him down tomorrow and explain how serious an issue it is for me. I know he has a 'thing ' about priding himself on his values and don't care about societys rules.ill just to explain that this is one rule he has to conform by otherwise he can find another hippy with no nose! If he is bothered by my worrying about what other people think of him, then ill explain that its respect for other people and its not like he is selling his soul. I also want to make sure that he isn't just gonna wear clean clothes when meeting me as that would just be to keep me happy-if he can't genuinely accept that cleanliness is good at all times,then its a deal breaker.
He does wear clothes that have been freshly washed when meeting me but they still smell-ill offer to do some detective work to come to root of issue if he passes above tests! Ill wash a load,dry then,see if still smell. Get him to wear clothes in car for hour,see if smell after that.
Much as I like him,I'm looking forward to getting this resolved one way or other!

That quote really stood out as it makes you sound very controlling. What do you care how he lives his life when you're not around? If he makes the effort to wear clean clothes for you, then you should be happy with that.

whatdoicare

BroomBurner wrote: »

That quote really stood out as it makes you sound very controlling. What do you care how he lives his life when you're not around? If he makes the effort to wear clean clothes for you, then you should be happy with that.

I'd say it's because if they move in together and he's only getting clean when he's on his best behaviour after a month or two he'll get complacent and he's likely to not bother cleaning up for her - it's much harder to deal with breaking up in that situation as opposed to now where she can just walk away.

BroomBurner

whatdoicare wrote: »

I'd say it's because if they move in together and he's only getting clean when he's on his best behaviour after a month or two he'll get complacent and he's likely to not bother cleaning up for her - it's much harder to deal with breaking up in that situation as opposed to now where she can just walk away.

I understand that, but she's only seeing him two months. Also, if my OH goes away for a few days and I decide not to shower and just hang out in old clothes (assuming no work), then why would anyone care? I certainly wouldn't be expecting the OH to phone up and check I've showered and changed my clothes every day. It would be a bit creepy!

It just sounds like two months in, she's expecting him to make a huge change in his life, for when she's not around. It's a bit controlling for something in very early days.

Ickle Magoo

The other way of looking at it is basic personal hygiene just should never be "a huge change in life" and the OP has every right to decide anyone who thinks only having personal hygiene at someone else's bequest/on special occasions is not someone she wants to be around.

It's only been two months and he can't even clean himself/his clothes, OP - can you imagine what you are going to be faced with after the honeymoon period?! Ugh. If you speak to your boyfriend and it's unintentional and he's mortified then grand - if you see no immediate improvement then I'd cut my losses and start looking for one of the many gorgeous smelling lads out there, pronto.

All the best. :cool: