Behaviour problems in creche

racso1975

Hi all looking for some advice here.

We have 2 boys one is four and the other is 2. My 4 year old has been attending creche since he was 9 months old. In the last 4-5 months his behaviour in creche has become horrific. Now i need to point out it is soley in creche that his behaviour is this bad for example 2 people at the weekend commented how good his manners were and what a nice personality he had. Dont get me wrong he has his moments like all kids do.

His behaviour in the creche though has esculate dramatically in the last week to the point where he hit the teacher last week and again this week. Now he did not go over and strike them. He refused to join the line and was physically carried over and kicked to be put down, in no way defending it. It would seem to kick off when being corrected or told to do someting he does not want to do. I should add here that the moment he start pussin or whinging at home he is straight out the the utility room and comes back when calmed down(conflicting???)

I have tried the following tactics with him:

1) sitting down and trying to talk to him (met with i'm tired or i dont know why)
2) punishment by removing toys and only "earning" them back
3)Straight to bed as soon as we get home
4) Severely giving out to him

None have worked or last more then a couple of days. At weekends we spend as much time as possible doing family things like gardening, cycles, swimming football. Obviously they are not all done at weekend but given we live in carlow and both work in dublin during the week i think it's important to spend good family time together.

I have repeatedly told him when me or his mammy are not there that the lady in creche is the boss and he must do what she says.

I am so sick of his behaviour and very worried about it particularly given he is starting school in september.

Daily routine would be up around 7ish breakfast together and then toast then dressed and in creche for 8-20 ish then picked up around 5.30/6. Snack at home some games then bath every night with his brother followed by story and in bed for 7.30 latest. So he gets close on 12 hours sleep so i know it's not tiredness.

At home and with relatives (when we are not present) he really is the softest and gentlest creature. I know he has a fierce giddy streak and a potential temper.

I hope i have given a good picture but if i left anything out please let me know

Lola92

I am sorry to hear you are having problems with your son, it must be difficult for you. Do you know what the behaviour management/discipline policy is in the crèche? Part of the problem could be if there are his differing ways of dealing with his outbursts. It might be worth having a chat with room leader and see what techniques they use, like a time out, and if he might be getting confused if there is a level of inconsistency.

It would also be worthwhile to teach him some skills to be able to cope with the anger or upset he is feeling and channel it in another way rather than lashing out immediately. Things like counting to ten or breathing exercises can be very beneficial. Don't be afraid of talking with him to explain that it is normal to be upset/angry sometimes and get him to describe the feelings, using colour/temperture charts to help with this can be good using red for when he is angry and blue for when he is calm. Also it might help you to understand the triggers of what might set him off.

This is a fairly common problem for boys of pre-school age and with a little help he should grow out of it soon so try not to worry too much.

racso1975

thanks Lola. had a chat with the teacher before and they don't do time outs or corner etc. they did offer to allow him to go into the sleep room when things start to kick off, however this is not always an option as there are often kids sleeping in there.

I have talked to him about how he feels when he gets angry and he said that his "head" was telling him to do these things when angry. I presume its like he see's red and lash's out. I also think that he may have problems being told to do something he does not want and particularly gets annoyed if he does not win in a game.

Thank you again and will try the anger charts tomorrow.

How Strange

Op has there been a change in the crèche in the last few months? Have the staff changed, have they taken on more children or has your son moved to another room?

Is it possible that he is acting out his frustration because he isn't getting the same level of attention that he used to?

If you say this only started a few months ago then I'd presume something triggered this behaviour and perhaps your son can't articulate his frustration, anger, annoyance do he acts it out instead.

Could you role play with him a little and ask open ended questions like how did you feel when you did x,y,z rather why did you do x,y,z. Perhaps if he's given the opportunity to open up and you help him put a word on the emotion he felt you might find out what triggered it in the first place. I'd also look at the crèche and speak to them if necessary to try find out what might have changed for your son recently.

nicnac

@racso1975
I know that this thread is two years old, however, I was wondering how you got on with your son? Our daughter is going through this at the moment.