Is it only a phase?

allblack

Broken up with love of my life 6 weeks now. Together over 2 years.She kissed a man on night out. Was hammered. Im wondering have I made a mistake? It was only a kiss surely if relationship is strong you can get over this..... right!
Or is it just a post mortem phase. Is it cause i miss her? We both speak and think highly of each other. There is no hard feelings towards each other if anything we both care about each other very much and wish each other the best. Is it a phase or are we kidding each other and work it out.
Your views please.

dixiefly

How did you find out? Did she tell you and is it obvious that she regrets it?

I think that if she has been genuinely remorseful & informed you first then I would definitely give it another go.

allblack

She is genuinely sorry for it! I know that. It happened on night we were out together unfortunately on the dance floor. Am i been silly? Is it a phase? Dunno , confused.

Tiocfaidh Armani

allblack wrote: »

She is genuinely sorry for it! I know that. It happened on night we were out together unfortunately on the dance floor. Am i been silly? Is it a phase? Dunno , confused.

Jesus that's bad her doing it when she was out with you. That must have hurt seeing that. You have to think if she did that when you were there what would she do when you weren't there?

dixiefly

I honestly think you are being a bit ott, silly is probably not the word to describe it. I know this would have hit hard and deep but 6 years and a possibly much longer future is a lot to give up so be very sure of what YOU want not how you think others might view the situation.

allblack

Maybe i think it's cause we spoke about in ways firstly spoke properly of our future and plans we had planned to set for each other. An little things we possibly said not meaning bad that set things off the wrong way. Like i said earlier maybe this is just a phase.
Yep that exactly was very hard to witness. He stuck in head she didnt pull back. I just walked away but dunno if im been OTT THINKING was just a kiss maybe we could work it out! Others have and done worse.

Tiocfaidh Armani

allblack wrote: »

Maybe i think it's cause we spoke about in ways firstly spoke properly of our future and plans we had planned to set for each other. An little things we possibly said not meaning bad that set things off the wrong way. Like i said earlier maybe this is just a phase.
Yep that exactly was very hard to witness. He stuck in head she didnt pull back. I just walked away but dunno if im been OTT THINKING was just a kiss maybe we could work it out! Others have and done worse.

How long did they kiss? Was it a proper kiss?

P. Breathnach

I feel for you, man. Especially as it happened in front of you: that's the sort of thing that shrivels your insides.

I don't know if you did the right thing or not. I want to focus on two things you said, but it is for you to judge if I am reading things properly: she was hammered; he kissed her (but you also say she didn't pull back). If that's the whole story, I'd be inclined to talk to her with a view to clearing the air and giving things another go.

If there is more, you need to include it in your thinking. Did she or you know the other guy already? That could be a complication.

If you get back with her, you need to wipe this entirely from the record. The lessons will have been learned: she will know by now that this sort of stupidity is not on; you will need to be confident that she will never again put your relationship at risk for so little.

Herrick

Really sorry for what happened to you OP. I'd find it very hard too, especially seeing as she did it while you were there.

Did she push him off? Did you tell her you saw it or did she look for you and tell you?

Edit: I knew this seemed familiar... You had a thread about this before?

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=77594735

OP, if I were you I'd stick to the advice you got before, it's not a good idea for you to go back there. She has shown you a lack of respect on other occasions. I certainly wouldn't call her the love of my life.

P. Breathnach

P. Breathnach wrote: »

I feel for you, man. Especially as it happened in front of you: that's the sort of thing that shrivels your insides....

Thinking about it just a little more: while it hurt you to see it happen, it might have been worse if she was making out with guys when you were not there. The fact that she wasn't hiding from you lends weight that it was stupid behaviour rather than treachery - probably because of drink.

P. Breathnach

Herrick wrote: »

... Edit: I knew this seemed familiar... You had a thread about this before?

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=77594735

OP, if I were you I'd stick to the advice you got before, it's not a good idea for you to go back there. She has shown you a lack of respect on other occasions. I certainly wouldn't call her the love of my life.

Oh. It's not the only time she messed you about on a night out. That makes a difference.

chocolatrose

allblack wrote: »

Broken up with love of my life 6 weeks now. Together over 2 years.She kissed a man on night out. Was hammered. Im wondering have I made a mistake? It was only a kiss surely if relationship is strong you can get over this..... right!
Or is it just a post mortem phase. Is it cause i miss her? We both speak and think highly of each other. There is no hard feelings towards each other if anything we both care about each other very much and wish each other the best. Is it a phase or are we kidding each other and work it out.
Your views please.

A Mistake??? What she did is absolutely disgusting behaviour. I can't even begin to imagine how god damn gut wrenchingly painful that must have been to see her kiss someone else in your presence. I wouldn't care if she was hammered beyond belief. It's awful behaviour.

Not only that but from your previous thread, you mentioned she went off dancing/flirting with other lads on nights out, again in your presence. As a girl, if I loved and respected my boyfriend no matter how much drink I had in I would never even come close or put myself in a position like that with any other guy. It's beyond disrespectful. If she was mad about you it would only be you she would want to have her eyes or lips on all night.

You did the right thing in leaving her. That is too hurtful to overcome. You deserve to be with someone who will give you their whole attention and not run off seeking the attention of other men. You treat people as you would like to be treated. I'm sure you would have never done anything like that to her so you deserve better than that. There are a lot more girls out there that don't act like complete fools like in her case. I know you have feelings for her but if she cared for you she wouldn't bring that hurt upon you. No one deserves that.

Honestly, even dancing with other guys in a flirtatious way would have sent alarm bells ringing for me. That alone is horrible. I know a lot of people wouldn't think much of that but that's just my opinion and I'm a girl.

allblack

Thanks folks for all the advice. Good spot on the previous thread. I know it's just a phase I am going through of moving and building for the future. Last week i collected my money back on a ring i was going to propose to her in September. I had planned to give my last installment last week only to get all the money back regrettably.
I have moved on and I know she has too. We both know and both wish the best. I hold no grudges. What is the point?! I suppose just talking about stuff that happened, (other than the night), what was our downfalls that led to the break up and the future we were going to build together. Question came in to my mind, maybe were strong enough to get over this was a random kiss! The mind does strange things when you sit back in your own space and wonder. I know i wont be going back. Suppose just needed people views to know i was doing right! Thanks.