Depression and Anxiety

allgirlz

I have been suffering from low level depression for most of my life and every so often it ramps up and I end up feeling like I do now. I have started back to counselling since last week and its helpful to an extent, but then take a day like today; I collected my daughter from school and one of the mums was quite dismissive and rude to me, no good reason why, we have never spoken before (I realised afterwards that I mistook her for being another kids mum) but it set me back hugely, I am struggling as it is so anything can set me off. I know rationally that this is silly, but I feel sad to my bones and weary of being like this. I am out of work at the moment too, which does not help but things are ok financially. My husband is great but he does not really understand, I just feel sad and angry and anxious all at once!
Nothing seems to bring pleasure anymore, not the gym (although I do go) or my yoga class, am just counting the hours to get through each day. It is exhausting keeping a bright face on all the time.
Sorry for the whingefest!! Any advice or ideas of how I will get past this would be great or even similar experiences.

edellc

I have suffered from depression now for over a decade and I know the smallest things can set it off, when your feeling low anyway, its great that you are back in counselling as that helps....have you gone to your doctor and been prescribed anti depressants as they where a great help to me

Its also great that you are going to the gym and yoga I was just unable to do anything when I was depressed other than busy myself with thoughts of suicide so that fact your not doing that is a plus

Op it may sound trivial but you have it all to live for, you have a little miracle depending on you and you need to there for her now and as she grows up, if that is not incentive enough to drag yourself out of this I dont know what is, it is hard though

I hope you find the peace you are looking for and are moving forward with the help you are receiving

peace and love op xx

allgirlz

Thanks edellc, had a whole reply printed but lost it! Anyways I appreciate your reply, today is a bad day and am in the horrors so no gym or anything, just cannot face it. Have had a row with my husband and spent an hour bawling by myself, I cannot take much more of this, it is so bloody hard on everyone. I am a bit embarrassed to go to my gp, was on Anti-Ds years ago but they did not agree with me, which ones were/are you on?

Torakx

I believe diet too is a big factor in mood.
And have you seen the weather lately its making me sad just looking out the window!

I used to have cronic depresson myself.
Its funny when i say to people,"you cant really understand how hard it is to just function until you have suffered a strong bout of depression" and people say ye and then carry on with their convo..maybe about how you can do this or think that or try cheer up.
Or even worse when someone said it is a selfish disorder..that was like a guilt trip and a half.All i heard was.."you are selfish and using that as an excuse"
Now i am doing great thanks to my diet,still have alot of issues to solve though.

I hope you make it through and find some peace soon.
I really cant say enough how much it hurts to think about other people going through the same feelings i had back then.
Really gets to me as i had a strong experience with it and it nearly ended me in my early twenties.

I will say even though it can get better, you know yourself, when your in that mood its hard to imagine.
When i get down these days though, i can think back to the harder times and smile a little,knowing that there is really a better future,i just need to find ways to push through for now.
I didnt really see that before the first few yeas of depression.It was only after recovering slightly from a breakdown that i saw the contrasts more clearly.
Its made me a stronger person because of it too.

edellc

I was on lexapro which worked for me, as did a change in diet and getting regular exercise.

I understand about the arguments with the hubby I was always having arguments with my oh and my mother, I think you take it out on the people closest rather than change what is causing it

With me there where numerous things over the years from teenage dramas to a stressful early twenties when I found myself living out of home with my partner very young as my dad was a dictator somewhere between hitler and scrooge :eek: (wouldnt let me have a boyfriend and when I did go out I had to be on the last bus home and I was 21 paying full rent and bills, working evenings full time and going to college in the day full time it was maddness) but thankfully he is not in my life anymore

so ended up being the main breadwinner and taking care of the house which was hard as was my job which was very demanding and stressful also (when I finished college), turned out my partner had a whole load of issues too and and at 21 I was ill equipped to cope with it all, so I spiralled out of control really and no one was there to catch me...eventually thought my mam saw what was going on and dragged me to the doctors for help but this was a good few years later when I had a complete personality transplant at that time due to the depression.

It took many years and many setbacks for me to get anywhere and I think with me it all came to a head just over 2 years ago when life just couldnt get any worse (I thought) I was bullied in work which ended very badly for me, got pregnant, mam went mental at me and didnt speak to me for the whole pregnancy, had to move from my lovely apartment to a sh*thole as I was broke, But I got my beautiful little boy and he changed my world, yes I am poor but I am rich in so many ways with his beautiful smile everyday , but there has been other tragedies like my mam passed away last year which was a shock as I was not expected and we had a few unresolved issues, and we had to move house again and then the killer I was diagnosed with a life changing illness that is not very nice, my partner is also out of work and wallowing in his own self depression, so yeah its hard going... but I am happier than I have ever been, I am grateful that I am not part of the rat race, making others richer, for what, for me to be stressed and depressed, and I am grateful that I have my little boy and my partner who always has my back no matter how we might disagree sometimes

When I suffered in a major way the one thing the doctor said to me was, that there are triggers that set off your depression and only you know what they are so make yourself aware of them and realise when they are happening, that way you can seek help and maybe think about changing that aspect of your life as it is obviously not making you happy

Op I know you may be embarrassed to go to the doctor but do you not owe it to yourself and your little girl to get well and be well, your depression will not only effect you but her and your husband also and they need you and love you and want you to be well and happy, so if it takes a little embarrassment gong to the doctors to get this sorted then so what this is your life and you need to take back control from this illness and the first step it asking for help,
just because one set of anti depressants didn't work doesn't mean that another wont its about finding the right one that's all

Its up to you but I know that it takes a lot of courage to seek help and the difference it can make is beyond words, so I do wish you seek the help you need Op and the black cloud disappears soon xx