Should I stay or should I go?

LegacyUser

Ok - so will try and keep this as short as I can

With my bf 5 months. I'm 30, he is 32. The first month was great, really great - then he had a bit of a family trauma in his world and he recoiled away from me...not really because he didn't want to be with me but more because all of a sudden out of the blue he suddenly had new commitments that had to be the priority - he also has become unable to discuss his feelings - so, he doesn't really tell me he likes me, some days I hear nothing from him at all and on the other days Id be lucky to get a text off him by 7pm. I actually understand that he has a lot on his mind and have been giving him a lot of space - but the more I give - the more we seemed to drift apart.

Anyway, it all got a little too much and I told him I understood his problems and the responsibility he has to his family to sort things out but I wasn't seeing him very often, was hardly hearing from him and the person he was in the first month of our relationship was just gone. I actually felt like I might have been doing him a favour by ending it as I was beginning to feel like an extra thing pulling out of him when he is already under pressure. So I ended it, which was hard because as a person I liked him a lot.

So, we didn't see each other for 3 weeks but messaged back and forth and agreed to have a chat. He was really trying to chat with me god love him but he was finding it hard to say anything just that he was under pressure and his life has changed and he knows he has been distant and he doesn't think he can do a serious relationship right now but he loves spending time with me and I am like a breath of fresh air with all the other stuff he is dealing with in his life. I told him I wouldn't take it personally if he wanted us to stop seeing eachother until his life gets a little bit more managable but he insisted he wanted to keep it going.

So - that was last week and if it's possible I feel even less connected to him now than I did before I broke up with him, I've tried to be confident and not allow myself to feel like he doesn't like me as he has told me he does so I have initiated a few conversations via text and his replies have been half hearted and quite closed.

He's a great guy and I really like him, very honest, trustworthy, funny, sweet, endearing like you wouldn't believe, just lovely and I am smitten.....but I'm a little confused. His issues right now are a bit mad but I think in 6-12 months things should return to normal. I'd be happy to hang on based on that first month but I'm not sure if I'm supposed to give him space or if that's creating a bigger divide. He's got **** going on so I don't want to abandon him either. I asked him when we had our chat if he would be able to try and reassure me a little more and I got the impression that he couldn't...he's not playing games and he's deffo not using me for sex.

Thanks in advance and sorry about the length of this!

cas_k

Life is too short to put your own life on hold waiting for someone else. If he wants to be with you and spend time with you he will. It only takes a matter of seconds to send a simple text message and you mentioned that some days when you were still in your "together" stage he might not manage to get round to that. As great and a wonderful person you describe him it sounds like when you were together you were in fact more on edge and miserable than before you met him!!! I wonder if your feelings may stem from the fact that you just want what you cannot have. My advise Let him go.... Let him enjoy chasing you for a while... if he feels the way he says he does he will be back.

Babooshka

harddecision wrote: »

He's a great guy and I really like him, very honest, trustworthy, funny, sweet, endearing like you wouldn't believe, just lovely and I am smitten.....but I'm a little confused. His issues right now are a bit mad but I think in 6-12 months things should return to normal. I'd be happy to hang on based on that first month but I'm not sure if I'm supposed to give him space or if that's creating a bigger divide. He's got **** going on so I don't want to abandon him either. I asked him when we had our chat if he would be able to try and reassure me a little more and I got the impression that he couldn't...he's not playing games and he's deffo not using me for sex.

Thanks in advance and sorry about the length of this!

It sounds like whatever happened was bad timing for your new relationship, and something bad enough to warrant him under pressure with new commitments that have changed the dynamic. Maybe if you'd been together longer it wouldn't have happened quite that way but he probably feels that he'd be burdening you with his problems at what should be the honeymoon stage of your relationship. He doesn't sound like a bad person. At the same time, I tend to agree with what the person above said. It's a shame he is now not in the position to share fun times with you and woo you a bit....it sounds like harder work than it should be at this stage...not necessarily his fault though. Timing is everything when you meet someone.

I would leave it for now. Who knows in the future, you don't say what has happened that is so bad, but if it changes, maybe he will be in a better frame of mind then. he says you're like a breath of fresh air from all his woes, but what do you get out of it...just to see him when it suits him, when he needs a shoulder? it just sounds like it'd be a one way street while he is dealing with whatever he is dealing with...and you'd be left to your own devices regardless of when you needed him around. I'd walk for now, but leave it open with him, and wish him the best with his problems.

squonk

You had one good month and then he became distracted with his life and now you feel like you've grown away from him since you broke up. That's your answer right there. Say bye bye to him.