19 and never in a proper/serious relationship

LegacyUser

I went to an all girls school so ended up with no guy friends. I'm now taking a year out before college working to save. There are no guys where I work just me and two other women. The only place I get to interact with guys is when I'm out and I find that's the worst place to meet potential boyfriends since all they want to do is ''shift and drift'' lol. I've had a few guys interested in me over the last year but they were all guys that aren't my type.I was with someone when I was 16 for 5 months but I was only with him to look cool haha and it was really awkard. That's all the dating I've done through my teens, never had sex or anything and I feel like that might turn off guys.I know when I go to Dublin for college next year, I'll be interacting with guys more and should meet someone then. I suppose I was very ''sheltered'' when it came to guys and going out. To be honest, I don't even know how to interact with guys. Pathetic I know.

LegacyUser

Wanted to add that I would love to meet someone for the Summer. Any tips for getting guys tha are interested in more then shifting and one night stands in pubs and clubs?

1ZRed

lonely1234 wrote: »

I went to an all girls school so ended up with no guy friends. I'm now taking a year out before college working to save. There are no guys where I work just me and two other women. The only place I get to interact with guys is when I'm out and I find that's the worst place to meet potential boyfriends since all they want to do is ''shift and drift'' lol. I've had a few guys interested in me over the last year but they were all guys that aren't my type.I was with someone when I was 16 for 5 months but I was only with him to look cool haha and it was really awkard. That's all the dating I've done through my teens, never had sex or anything and I feel like that might turn off guys.I know when I go to Dublin for college next year, I'll be interacting with guys more and should meet someone then. I suppose I was very ''sheltered'' when it came to guys and going out. To be honest, I don't even know how to interact with guys. Pathetic I know.

You're 19. How is this a problem? You haven't even started college yet where all of this plays out anyway. Don't even worry about it. You are a teenager, who gives a f*ck, there isn't a rule that says you have to do x,y and z by a certain date. You're going at your own pace, don't compare your individual life to that of the life that is 'expected' of a 19 yo:)

PickledLime

You've probably got another half century on this planet, lots of stuff and more will happen during this time.

A total cliché, but things really do happen when you don't expect them. Just relax and don't try to force things.

Idle Passerby

You are not in any way unusual for never having had a relationship (bar the one when you were 16) and 19 is not that old to still be a virgin, please don't rush out to have a one night stand just to try to be the same as everyone else. There is plenty of time to meet someone nice who actually likes you. If you don't like guys who "shift and drift" you definitely wont like the ones who want to shag and run.

If you want to meet guys outside a meat-marketesque pub or club you should try to get involved in some activities that both men women participate in like tag rugby or the like. You might not meet anyone you want as a boyfriend but it might help with the awkwardness around interacting with men. They're just people too afterall.

LegacyUser

Hi OP. Your situation is totally normal. If it's any consolation, I'm 22 and have never had a serious relationship. On top of that, I'm still a virgin! And I'm considered attractive, outgoing and intelligent. I just haven't met the right guy yet. It's no biggie. My advice would be to relax and not to let social norms dominate you (well, let them dominate you someone obviously or else we'd all be sociopaths

Kind regards

lace

Hi OP!

First off - your situation is not at all unusual. Try not to worry about living up to the standard of what other people have or haven't done. Lots of people go to college without having had a serious relationship so you're not alone in that.

I'd suggest joining local clubs or charity to meet new people. Notice I say "new people" not "a potential boyfriend". Try not to over-romanticise the idea of a boyfriend. Yes, being in a relationship can be lovely and wonderful but only when you find someone who is right for you.

Of course, I'm not saying that you won't find Mr. Right. I'm just suggesting that approaching the situation as an opportunity to widen your social circle and meet new friends (both male and female) might be healthier than going on the hunt for a boyfriend (the risk here is that you may settle for someone who is not right for you just for the sake of having a relationship). If you set out to make new friends you're bound to come into contact with some nice guys along the way. If happen to meet one you like who likes you back then great! If not, at least you'd have more friends!

lazygal

I never had a proper relationship in my teens or 20s. I also went to an all girls school and my parents kept a tight leash on us so I didn't really get into the whole pub social scene until I went to college. I had a few things that fizzled out. Meanwhile, my sister was in a long term relationship from the age of 18 for several years.

I met my now husband at 27. It was after I'd had a particularly bad run with men and it took me by surprise. We were very serious after a short time, and moved it and got married within two years. I'd watched my friends in relationships for years wondering why I wasn't in one. But it really is just a question of meeting someone who's right for you.

In hindsight, and I know this might sound patronizing, I am glad I didn't meet my husband before I did. I was able to have a blast in college, going out with whoever I liked, traveling, working in different places and being totally independent. Sure, I had a pang when my friends had their boyfriends for weekends away when I'd be alone, but I wasn't ready to have a serious relationship until I met the person who was right for me.

It will happen. You are only 19. Enjoy this phase of life, its a blast.

Piliger

lonely1234 wrote: »

I know when I go to Dublin for college next year, I'll be interacting with guys more and should meet someone then. I suppose I was very ''sheltered'' when it came to guys and going out. To be honest, I don't even know how to interact with guys. Pathetic I know.

I know you are stressing about it all, but read what 1ZRed said above ... 'cos he's right

We all move through life at different speeds. Some are getting into heavy relationships at 15 ! Many don't until they are 25. Believe me it's true. It's just that you only hear about the early ones and the ones who like to shout about it.

Relax. Enjoy your life. Enjoy college and let it happen when it happens. You'll be in a great group of people and having great times and now and then a guy will interest you and it'll all flow when it's meant to flow.

Good luck.

ragdoll91

Hi OP!

I was very like you when I started college, sheltered, all girls schools and no male friends. For a while I used to literally frreeze any time a good looking boy spoke to me So I know how it feels and sometimes it can feel like you'll never meet anyone. Don't expect to go to college and meet someone straight away, but go out and meet people and make friends. I was still feeling a bit "ugh I'll never find anyone" at the start of 3rd year last September but I had a great group of friends and was loving life, and then one of my friends introduced a new boy to the group. I wasn't instantly attracted to him but we gradually became friends and got closer, spending more time together and then one night we were all out and he kissed me and I realised that I actually really liked him and had for a while but just hadn't really admitted it to myself. We've been officially going out for 6 weeks now (took us about 4 months to actually decide we were really serious about each other ) and I really couldn't be happier. I'm just telling you my story so you don't get disheartened when you feel like you're not meeting the love of your life even after a couple of years - just have fun and don't worry