Kissing/worrying/one partner going out more than other/short-term breakup

LegacyUser

My boyfriend of two years goes out a lot more than I do, (because of the job I work at I can't quite as much). A few months ago kissed another girl (who I know) "by accident" on a night out. Now while I believe him about this, it's like a switch has turned in me since that night, and while before I would never have had any issue with him going out at all, all of a sudden I'm worrying every time he does. I've gone from someone really carefree and easygoing, to a completely different person, and while I have rarely said anything to him (since the big fight when it happened that is) I just really hate the nervous, jealous person I'm becoming, it's not me at all.

Then recently I found out he had been bragging to his friend about another girl who he has been dancing with on a few different nights out who is really into him, and while he said he obviously wouldn't go for it, he told his friend how nice and fun she is, while he's never mentioned this girl to me. In fact I think he's actively discouraged me from meeting her.

We're going to be apart for the summer, and while he says he doesn't want to break up, and he does love me (this isn't in question) and we definitely want to end up together, I'm starting to think breaking up for the summer might be a good idea for me to regain the fun person I used to be and also to avoid this stupid worrying, and then for us to try it again on an even playing field.

I'm just wondering firstly has anyone been through this sort of situation with the worrying on nights out thing and has tips to handle it, and secondly whether you can come back from a break up stronger? It's just I'm starting to lose who I was, and the person he liked in the first place. Any thoughts would be great!

LegacyUser

I think you should take a break, look after yourself and try to become 'fun' again for yourself, not with a view to being a better version of yourself for him. Call it off and regain your power and happiness. If he wants to get back with you after that, try as hard as you can not to go there. You might think you want to be with him forever, but after some time alone I hope you'll realise you deserve better.

P. Breathnach

It looks to me as if he is having his cake and eating it. I don't buy the idea that he kissed another girl by accident (although I could buy the idea that she took the initiative and kissed him). I'd worry about his giving any encouragement to a girl he thinks is into him when he is supposed to be unavailable - at the very least, he is being unkind to her.

If you break up for the summer, you are giving him a licence. Is that what you want? Is that in the best interests of your relationship?

Perhaps I'm a bit old-fashioned - well yes, I am old-fashioned: if you are in a relationship, then you are entitled to loyalty. You should not have to worry when he goes out, and he shouldn't really be going clubbing as if he was unattached.

CarMe

OP I'm really sorry to hear about your situation, you poor thing!!
I'm with my boyfriend almost three years and we would sometimes go out seperatly, overall I'm grand about it, there was a couple of times when I was pregnant and hormonal that I'd sit up waiting for him and be worrying he was talking to other girls eek, I was an exceptionally crazy pregnant lady :O
The difference is, my boyfriend gave me NO reason to ever worry or be paranoid. Yours sadly has and he has broken that trust so I think the only way to get back to your old fun self is to get rid of him totally, not just for the summer! He totally disrespected you and it sounds like it was in front of other people too which is just the icing on the cake.
I really hope you find the old you and as much as you probably don't want to hear this, I hope you end this so called relationship because you are definitely worth a whole lot more than this.