bringing out my worst

LegacyUser

i think my friend brings out the worst in me.... we are both in our mid 20s. we went a bit off the rails when we were about 22 for a few months (basically letting off steam). now ive been with a man for the past 3 yrs who i love, and im happy out,who i feel secure and cosy with.
she takes drugs, and drinks almost every night of the week. this is kind of only a recent thing, last 4 months or so, she had been pretty "well behaved" for the past 3-4 years or so too.
but i have rarely met her in the last few months, but when i do she talks about nothing but going out, how popular she is down in the local (not in a sexual way), all these friends she has, always namedropping (of "cool" people around town), going on about her dealer (???!!!) constantly texting on her phone!!!!

but what annoys me the most is that i feel a little bit jealous of her, but only when shes telling her stories. i get a tiny feeling of resentment towards my boyfriend, and wish i could just go out, be single and have fun all the time. because im going to shamelessly admit i had a great time when i was 22. it was for a few months, i never got addicted to anything and i snapped out of it fairly quickly! the thing is, at the time, so did she!!! but I take care of my responsibilities now!!
now,she is rude, loud and obnoxious, and when im with her, i automatically go into that same kind of personality! luckily its usually just the two of us, when we have met up recently.

when i get home to my boyfriend, or im with my other friends and my family, i am so grateful i am not living the life she is now. and that im not really the type of person i am when im with her. but i feel so two faced.

yesterday, i was dropping her home from my house, and she had had a fight with her boyfriend over texts(a common thing apparently) and she was so stressed out she took some coke out of her bag and was about to take it. i told her to put it away, not even in a cross way, and she put it back in her bag, not saying a word, even sulking if i didnt know her better. i was furious with her, but i just couldnt bring myself to go on about how annoyed i was cos i didnt want to upset her further. we had such a lovely afternoon so far, and she completely ruined it. She had stuff in my house while we were having a cup of tea!!! she didnt apologise to me at all at all.

I didnt tell my boyfriend, he would have flipped!!!! and im not going to, because she would never be welcome in our house again. is it awful that even though she did that i still want to be her friend? like, that im not sure if i particularly like her as a person now, but still want to keep her in my life? i care about her a lot at the end of the day. i give out to her to my boyfriend, but after i get off the phone with her i say to him "ah i love her really!". we used to have such a harmless laugh together meeting for coffee and calling to eachothers houses.
i tried to offer her some kind of advice about her nights out, but she was having none of it, shes enjoying herself too much, at the expense of a boyfriend, who i presume pays for her drink and drugs, because i dont know where she gets the money to out so much!!!
should i just forget about her? hopefully it will be that easy! we used to be so close it will be hard to not be her friend anymore!

am i mad for being a bit jealous of her??? ugh! sorry for the rant, but any opinions appreciated. i know friends drift apart etc etc, but we've gone times where we havent spoken for months, but we would always end up being friends again!!