Getting too much - continual crap storm

LegacyUser

Have you ever felt like you were doomed? Am early 30s and caught in a crap storm that never seems to end.

Today, I walk into work, and one of my colleagues, I actually considered a friend, isnt talking to me-no idea why. Work is hard enough at the moment than dealing with this stuff.

I was seeing a guy who dropped me like a hot potato. Ive no idea why. It hurts and ego/self-esteem and self-confidence have been rocked (they werent that great to being with).

Was my birthday few weeks ago, and 2 of my closest friends didnt even bother to say "happy birthday" or make any kind of effort (I did with theirs).

Am getting blamed or finger pointed at me almost for "stealing" something (thats what it feels like). I was at a party at my friends house, someone left something behind them, I left it in a certain place, told the person whose house it is (they seen me leave it there) "this belongs to ... I will leave it here" only for it to disappear. Now am getting questioned "it is not there, we've searched the house". I certainly would never steal something and almost feel ive to defend myself.

I arranged to see a councellor and was actually looking forward to it - took me a while to come around to the idea (Ive been waiting 4 weeks) and today she rings and says she will have to reshedule (she f'ed up the date).

Am a very shy person but I always try and be a nice as I can. This crap storm is going on about 2 years now. Im trying so hard. Ive no luck. None at all!

Emme

I wish I could help but I've been there and I can honestly say that it doesn't get easier, it gets worse. You do learn to cope though.

curlzy

Hey OP,

If you are shy and timid I'd say it's to do with that. I am neither of those things and if someone:

a) ignored me for no reaosn
b) dumped me for no reason with none given
c) implied that I had stolen something
d) forgot my birthday

I would immediately bring it up and loudly say

a) "why are you ignoring me?"
b) "if you want to break up with me at least tell me why, you tosser"
c) "what the hell are you implying? Are you implying I stole it? You saw me put it there and leave, why are you making out I stole it? Did you steal it and are trying to cover by blaming me?"
d) " I got you x, y, z for your birthday and you're just ignoring mine, wtf".

As you can see OP, we're very different people. I honestly think the reason you're in a continual sh*t storm is because you let people treat you like sh*t. There are some people in this world that are lovely and treat everyone really well but the vast majority treat people in whatever way they can get away with. Most of the time it's not even done consciously, they just mark you down as shy/timid and from then on you're bottom of the list of people to be nice to and top of the list to take out bad moods on (like with a). From what I've seen of this world I honestly think that's the way it is. None of those things a - d have ever happened to me because I just wouldn't accept that from anyone ever, they be loudly told where to go.

I really do think you need to get into councelling and work on standing up for yourself. No one can do this for you, you need to grow up and grow a set and start standing up for yourself and demand better treatment, any more crappy threatment from people and immediately and loudly call them up on it and I gaurantee they will start treating you better. Also going to some kind of martial art or self defence can really help with confidence.

I think it's lousey that soft people get walked on because they deserve it least. But this is a big bad world and the softer you are the more you get walked on. You need to toughen up.

IrishEyes19

OP, sorry to hear you're feeling this way. Let me just start by saying, we all hit a rut at some stage in our lives.
your "friends" dont deserve the time of day for not acknowledging your birthday, is it possible they forgot or werent aware of it. Did they make any reference to it afterwards. How mean of them.

As for the reaction of someone at work, try and get past what people act like and say. Its horrible, we've all been there. I used to think the groups and b****ness does not die out in school, the offenders just grow older, not up. :rolleyes: you know yourself you did nothing wrong so let this person have their moment. If it is bothering you terribly if its going into bullying stage or excluding you, I see no harm in addressing it with them and asking calmly, the reason for it.

I think also, we let all this negativity drive us down, that we belittle ourselves terribly or fall into a terrible slump and feel awful.
I think you need to actively address these issues. The stealing issue isnt fair, have you made it clear to the people involved what happened. I would as I said above confront your colleague if it gets to a stage where you cant tolerate it anymore. always remember, if this person appears to have a rally of people behind her, quite often they arent following her because they believe it, moreso because its easier to gang up, than it is to stand alone.

The issue with the guy you were seeing. I hear ya sister You are looking for the diamond in the mountain of rocks, its going to take a while and while it seemed great for you, it may not have been the right time for him, he may not have felt it. But dont worry because it happens to everyone. It has nothing to do with you or who you are. The shoe doesnt always fit. give it time. go out and try again.

as for the two friends. I would question their loyalty. It wasnt nice of them. dont let the resentment that you obviously have over this build up and explode sometime, talk it out.

you seem like a nice person who is having a bad time. take action now and get back on your feet. Its easy to feel terrible and easier to feel worse, but trust me, its much better to try and make things better, once you get past that stage, you'll be fine.