Really down young guy!

willfromcork

Hi! I am a 19 year old guy and I am at the end if my first year in college. I have just so many issues in my life I don't know where to start. To begin with I was bullied a lot during secondary school. This meant I was an easy target and I was taken advantage of by a man in my life for a period of about 2-3. We basically he sexually and physically abused me and this on top of the bullying I was really angry and I couldn't control my temper until one day I just decided to snap out of it. However I was still really depressed and I found life really hard and I basically isolated myself away from what ever friends I had and I just stayed in the house the whole time because I was afraid of going outside if I saw bullies. All of the things going on in my life left me be un motivated and not focused All I could think about was what that man did to me repeatedly and I let him. This all let me not to care about my leaving cert and I managed to get around 300 points. I got accepted for a course and I said I'll give it ago and see how it gets on for the year.
At the beginning I went into the course willing to make friends with everyone and make an effort with the course. I thought things were going good at the beginning but I found out that a group of people I considered friends were bullying me by accident when one of them never logged out of facebook on my laptop before Christmas and I read it by mistake because I thought it was my account. The stuff this guy was saying about me was really nasty and made me feel like ****e. When I went back to college after Christmas I had this put behind me I just didn't really talk to those people anymore. My past kind of came back to me again about the sexual abuse especially and I just find it so hard to think with it. I have told no one about it and I don't know how. I have found the only thing that makes me happy now on a night out is to drink a lot and that isn't like me. Lately I have being drinking so much I just come in from a night out and pass out. I have lost a lot of interest in my college course simply because I don't want to work in the area in the future. I don't know weather to drop out or continue studying in the same course!
Any advice?
Feel free to ask me anything else ye want!

Lionel Messy

Check the sticky threads on this forum - they have a good source of self-help options and phone numbers you can call to seek the help yo need, will. I wish you the best, you have been through so much, i can't offer you advice other than saying counselling from a pro is really your best option.

willfromcork

Thanks!
I know I need counselling but it's just hard to admit to people I need help, I am afraid I'll be seeing as week. I've being put on a happy act for so long it's hard to know how to stop it!

edellc

Op you keep saying that you have left this and that behind you when clearly you have not, what happened to you with bullies and being abused is still with you and is making you into the person you are today

Talking about it on here will help to a degree but I really urge you to seek professional help

Also this guy who abused you is he still around, and would you feel comfortable making a formal complaint about him

You say it happend 2-3 I'm not sure if that is 2 or 3 years ago or over a period of 2-3years but if you are 19 now then I think I can presume that this happened when you where below the age of consent so not only is it sexual abuse it is child sexual abuse and if you have the courage then this needs to be reported as this person could abuse others

As for the the drinking and college, I think your drinking to numb the pain of what has happened to you and you know that too, with college if you dont like what your doing change it, do a course you want to do there are so many out there and it doesnt have to be a degree, plc courses are great places to start to and add points on to your leaving cert so if it is a degree your after maybe you can get in that way, I dont know if your too late to apply for September enrolment but you can but try

I would however be taking some time to get counselling, sort your head out and figure out what you want to do in life or even do something you are interested in it doesnt have to be your "career" you just need to do something light hearted that takes your stress and depression away

Best of luck OP I do hope you get the help that you need and get some confidence back in your life, your only 19 you have so much more to experience

willfromcork

edellc wrote: »

Also this guy who abused you is he still around, and would you feel comfortable making a formal complaint about him

You say it happend 2-3 I'm not sure if that is 2 or 3 years ago or over a period of 2-3years but if you are 19 now then I think I can presume that this happened when you where below the age of consent so not only is it sexual abuse it is child sexual abuse and if you have the courage then this needs to be reported

Hi!
The abuse happened when I was in my mid teens for a period of around 2-3 years. I am not sure how many times it happened and at the beginning I had no idea what he was doing!
He is very rarely in my life now I've only seen him handful of times in the last few years. I am not in the right place to report him at this moment because I know it will cause a lot of trouble with people if I do and I think he will be believed over me. Thanks

edellc

The only reason you feel that he will be believed over you is down to you confidence and what he did to you, I understand that you are not in the right place to report him and that is fine and maybe I am wrong in saying this but I just worry about him getting away with doing this to another young life and leaving them as vulnerable as you

The first step to recovery is to seek professional help they will give you coping skills and help with your confidence and once you have those in place maybe you could either let this person know that what they did was wrong and/or report them

You where a victim but it is your choice now as to whether you let yourself be a victim for life or take control back and get the help needed x