Here today, Gone tomorrow

Glowla

Hi,
So long story short, I've been seeing this guy for the last 3 months or so and everything was going well with both of us making equal effort at things. However in the last 2 weeks contact on his behalf is dwindling and I haven't heard from him since Tuesday now. There was talk of us meeting up this weekend but nothing came of it because we weren't in contact. Its been about 2 weeks since we've met up but we are both busy with sport at the moment but I am still willing to make time so that's besides the point.
I decided I wouldn't blow up his phone with texts so don't get me wrong, I'm not playing games but I was willing to give him space for a while but now I'm thinking he is just trying to phase things out.

I guess what I'm asking is should I contact him during the week and tell him I'm assuming he is no longer interested and that he should have told me instead of fading away or leave it and kinda confront him next time I see him? This has happened to me before and I suppose I let him get away with it by not confronting him and I never got proper closure. But I don't know what I should do in this case. Its so confusing....one minute things are fine then poof never to be heard of. Thing is we have a mutual group of friends which doesn't help matters and we were friends before we got together.

Advice would be greatly appreciated

Daisy M

Personally I think you should do whatever you think is right. I dont think sending one text is ott. If you want to know where things stand then ask but if you dont get any reply or indeed a clear reply cut your losses and move on dont bombard him for an explanation.

I think you could send a text asking him if there is anything wrong, I dont think you should send a text saying you are assuming he is no longer interested and should have told you sirectly, thats just too confrontational when you dont know what may be going on in his life besides.

rainbowtrout

Just ring him and ask him if he wants to meet up or if there's a reason he hasn't been in contact.. or if he wants to call it a day. You'll get your answer one way or another. Texts can be ignored or misconstrued or you can take the wrong meaning from them.

Out Of The Night

Yes I would ring him and ask if he is free to meet up. It is impossible to speculate about what a person is thinking or feeling. One way or the other you will feel so much better when you know x

Miss Fluff

I don't think it bodes well tbh. If someone's behaviour patterns suddenly shifts then it's usually with good reason and I'd just assume he is phasing you out without actually having the balls to be mannerly about it.

If it was me personally I'd just not contact him again and assume it's over and that's simply because I wouldn't give him the satisfaction, I'd prefer him to think I hadn't even noticed .

I'm sensing you need to put the matter to bed in your head though so if that's the case then I'd just phone him and ask him. He sounds pretty spineless though so no guarantees he will give you a straight answer.

On a side note, if he does want to keep you on side then he'd want to have a damn fine excuse tbh. I think phasing someone out or giving a person just enough to keep them dangling is cruel behaviour and demonstrates that they don't actually care very much.

judgefudge

Hey OP,

Could have written this myself a few months ago. What I did at the time was just confronted him and let him know that I thought it was a stupid way to act and if he wanted out he should just have the balls to say that. I'm really glad now I said that! I could have just walked away but why make it so easy for him! Just tell him how ya feel and walk away with your dignity intact! Otherwise they'll never learn!

Glowla

Thanks for your replies, this seems to be a common way to jump out of a situation for guys.
The fact this has happened me before in the same way makes me feel like I want to confront him and not let him away with it but on the other hand as Miss Fluff said I'm also at a point where I don't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing it bothers me!

I mean its going to be awkward if anything next time we see eachother out or that, does he not think closure would be better?! He's obviously a coward in this manner though which is a shame cos he is a nice fella in general. I've heard before he's had a bad past with a girl but this is no reason to treat me like rubbish all of a sudden.

So bite the bullet and ask him what's going on or leave him slide away and act like I don't care, its just horrible......

dellas1979

I would just leave it - believe me - if he is interested, he will contact you. For some reason us women will think and overthink and then procrastinate and almost imagine a scenario or a way to justify all this.

Dont waste your time thinking this over in your head. The worst case scenario is he doesnt contact you and I wouldnt feel awkward about it - why would you?

I would feel awkward if I contacted a guy asking him if it was over/on/whatever. You are loosing the control in this aspect. You are letting him decide. You decide "Ill wait 3 days/1 week and if I dont hear from him then I will assume he is not interested and move on from this and chalk it down to experience". I know its easier said than done, but if you let the brain wander too long, it will drive you mad.

Glowla

Just a quick update on my situation.....well i bit the bullet and asked him where we stood. He replied with a long apologetic text about how his head was all over the place and that he realised what we had was coming to a full on relationship but he said he didn't feel that he could really commit and he didn't want to mess me about. So we called it a day and I made it clear that if we were leaving things go that we had to keep it all or nothing because otherwise we'd continue running in circles.

It feels so weird, throughout the day I felt a bit upset and lost but then its also relief that for the first time in years I have a clear head about where I am. So onwards and not backwards now I think....

Thanks so much for all your advice, I overthought it too much, writing out texts to send him then deleting them thinking no i won't give him the satisfaction but I knew in the end this was the only way I could begin to move on.....feels strange though.

LegacyUser

oh OP yes I see the pattern with my story here.
I think the whole "don't fully want to commit" thing is a very typical case of he's just not that into you.
Whoever said the guy's pretty spineless got it spot on, mine is too, very spineless.

Piliger

"I guess what I'm asking is should I contact him during the week and tell him I'm assuming he is no longer interested "

Yes. Contact him and ask directly and to the point. I know it's hard believe me. But it is WAY the best thing.

If he is just not that in to you that is not the same as being spineless. You don't say what age you are but who on this earth has not failed to step up and inform a girlfriend or boyfriend when things just drift. No one. It's hard. Also he may have been injured, sick, upset at something in the family ... jeez anything.

Of course he just may also have moved on and been nervous about telling you.

So call him