How do i get rid of feelings for someone?

LegacyUser

ok,here it goes.

I am attracted to someone, I think I am in love with him. we both work for a big multinational for the past 10 years or so, we started on the same day and used to talk to him from time to time but our paths rarely crossed due to the different departments we were in, so i did not know a lot about him. Until January when we were both moved to set up a new office. since then we have been working long hours together, and travelling to cork together once or twice a week. I know he feels something for me too, he is always paying me complements and we get on so well. he has never told me how he feels but the sparks between us are electric.

Now comes the problem, he is married and 20 years older than me. and i am engaged to a lovely man, who I love to pieces and we are due to get married in September. we have the most wonderful relationship, we have our normal ups and downs but we are together 8 years and are both in our early 30s.

I have to stress, nothing will ever happen between me and this colleague. I will not be a cheat. and i think that he is the same. he has had plenty of opportunity but never initiated anything. he is fighting it, i can see that. he recently took the blame for an error I made at work which is gone on his permanent record (which i was only made aware of a week later).

I cannot distance myself from him as we do have to work together, and often stay in the same hotel when we are travelling. I feel so guilty for feeling like this about someone other than my fiance. How can I get rid of these feelings for him. If he was single I still would not leave me fiance for him, he is the person I am meant to be with. But I need to stop these feelings. I feel so guilty that considered calling off the wedding, out of guilt for my feelings and not because i want something with this man. has everyone ever been in this situation where you have to try to get rid of feelings?

holyhead

OP, you are attracted to him for a reason. Is it possible that he has a certain dynamic be it looks/personality that your fiancee lacks. If so then dont marry your fiancee. Its one thing to be engaged and acknowledge for example that someone else is handsome. I mean nobody would expect you walk around blindfolded just because your engaged. However it is clear from your post that you have feelings for this man. 20 years older oops and married double oops.
Your Fiancee like you has only one life. Don't marry him if your heart is not in it which given your feelings for this other man appears to be the case. Let him be with someone who thinks he and he alone is the biz.

surdah

I think the fact that you spend so much time with this work colleague makes you feel a certain bond with him but you should not confuse this with actual love. We are always attracted to people who are familiar and comfortable who are a constant in our lives but they fulfill a certain role in our lives which would not necessarily translate to a proper relationship. You need to think hard about your relationship with your fiance and see if there is something lacking there which this work colleague is providing. I suppose what I am saying is sometimes one person cannot provide everything we need in life and we seek different things from different people but you need to decide if your relationship with your fiance is enough to sustain a marraige and if not why not?

Wompa1

Think I'd have to go with the previous reply about not going through with your marriage. It sounds like you are being untrue to your fiance and should duck out of marrying him. If he was the one for you, you wouldn't doubt it and you wouldn't be tempted in anyway like you are. I'd let him down gently to allow him to try and move on and be with somebody who does truly love him.

I'd also say to you that you should get away from this other guy if you can and give yourself some time to figure out what you want for yourself. You don't want to be that woman that contributes to destroying a family or marriage

LegacyUser

I am going to write against the above posters. Of course, we would be attracted to loads of people and of course we would be have doubts from time to time about the person you are with. This is just human. Those who have never doubted, never thought of 'what if...' in the relationship are so so lucky. OP is with her fiance for 8 years, the honeymoon are long gone and the excitement has faded... But OP made it very clear in her post that she wanted to stay with her fiance. And we can't find everything from one person as we are a greedy animal.

Love is not just a feeling, but also a determination and rational decision.

I really appreciate OP for trying so hard to fight against the temptation. Sometimes it's the mystery that makes the temptation much more tempting. Maybe you can invite your colleague for a cup of coffee and talk with your colleague about the feelings and lay all things on the table. Acknowledge the feelings but transform into friendship.