Help for overcoming Lying

smish

I have a really bad habbit which is I lie alot!
I dont know why I do it, but my guess is it is out of fear of some kind!

From Primary school, lying about something I did so the others would get the blame (I would always get away with my lying, mabey Im just good)
to secondary school again lying really to protect myselfs from others.
I lost my 2 best freinds when I was 13 and my secondary school days was spent as a floater. I would not call myself a loner as I spent my lunch breaks floating between all the different groups if that makes sense? 5 mins with the footballers, 5 mins with the goths, 5 mins with the nerds etc and I would move on but I never felt in a group. To this day I feel like bit of an outsider, mabey I am afraid to let go of something?
I am a only child with a single parent upbringing. Lost my dad when I was 7 to prision.

Just recently, an old freind said to me he could remember 1 of my birthday partys and he said something that made me think "at your birthday party when we played a pretend game, everyone had a sword but I allowed myself have a shield also and I wouldnt let anyone else have a shield (cause I was the birthday boy I guess the kids went along with it)
I have a habbit of avoiding confrontations also.
I was always the last kid to be picked for the football team

Im too scared to go out now, what the hell is wrong with me?

zxcvbnm1

smish wrote: »

I have a really bad habbit which is I lie alot!
I dont know why I do it, but my guess is it is out of fear of some kind!

From Primary school, lying about something I did so the others would get the blame (I would always get away with my lying, mabey Im just good)
to secondary school again lying really to protect myselfs from others.
I lost my 2 best freinds when I was 13 and my secondary school days was spent as a floater. I would not call myself a loner as I spent my lunch breaks floating between all the different groups if that makes sense? 5 mins with the footballers, 5 mins with the goths, 5 mins with the nerds etc and I would move on but I never felt in a group. To this day I feel like bit of an outsider, mabey I am afraid to let go of something?
I am a only child with a single parent upbringing. Lost my dad when I was 7 to prision.

Just recently, an old freind said to me he could remember 1 of my birthday partys and he said something that made me think "at your birthday party when we played a pretend game, everyone had a sword but I allowed myself have a shield also and I wouldnt let anyone else have a shield (cause I was the birthday boy I guess the kids went along with it)
I have a habbit of avoiding confrontations also.
I was always the last kid to be picked for the football team

Im too scared to go out now, what the hell is wrong with me?

What age are you?

Torakx

You might be afraid to get close to people incase you get hurt.
Was your father leaving when you were so young a strong memory in your life?
Since you mentioned it,im guessing it had a strong impact.
Is that around the time that lying became a safety net for you maybe?

It sounds like you are trying to protect yourself quite a bit.
I keep people at a distance for a VERY long time before i let them in, as my way of protectng myself,over fears from the past most likely.

Im thinking somewhere along the way you picked up lying as a defense mechanism and its kept you feeling safe ever since.

If its become a strong habit,i would think you need some outside help to teach you how to think differently and especially about yourself regarding interactions with the world.

If only i would take my own advice LOL
I do realise for sure its easier said than done...i really do.

With the birthday party sword and shield scenario, it might be you have some self esteem issues also.
If you needed an advantage over the other kids in your mind, maybe its because you feel you are less worthy compared to them.


You can get past this issue im sure, and the great thing about when you succeed, is that you will be a stronger person inside and can look back and remember how far you have come.

smish

22

Killed By Death

Well done for posting OP. I won't do any amateur analysis on you but I would definitely say that your Dad going off to prison at 7 might have unsettled you. A small boy of 7 would look up to his Dad to feel secure. So your Dad being gone could well have had a profound effect on you.

This could explain the lying and then once it becomes a habit, it's a coping mechanism and it's hard to break.

The sword and shield incident is interesting. It could be taken as an analogy. Everyone else being an attacker (swords) and you defending yourself (shield)

You also talk about lying to 'protect yourself' from others. You must have felt vulnerable without your Dad and maybe not confident like the other kids?

One very healthy and positive thing about you is you are questioning all this and you have recognised the lying as a negative thing in your life. That shows good insight into yourself. Good self awareness.

I would think about doing a course of CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) it is a process/method of learning about how thoughts can affect our behaviour. You can learn how to recognise and change the thoughts and then the behaviour. It really works. All the best OP.

edellc

Op you really need to stop this, we can all analysis as to why you do it but really you know why you do it

My older sister couldnt lie straight in bed for the amount of lies she tells and guess what she has no friends, NO ONE wants to be friends with a liar, your 22 an adult you control what you do and why

Also we can all look to the past as to why things are the way they are now and yes they contribute to how you view the world and the things you may do but you are the one who lets it define you now

Get up tomorrow morning and make a pack with yourself not to lie today, get a journal and write in every nite what you lied about and why you felt the need to lie, you will eventually see a pattern and as you are writing it down every nite you will be more aware of it on a daily basis and this can help you to stop

best of luck OP please dont let the past define who you are now and how you act, you can stop this you just need the right tools