fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me

LegacyUser

hi guys im with my boyfriend the last two years , well recently he came out and told me he cheated on me while on drugs ,when we were with each other about 5 months into the relationship, said he only cheated once and it was because his dad died 2months before it happened and because he started hanging around with the lowest of the low scumbags because his old friends disowned him from there group because i was one of his old friends ex's ,and because he felt insecure . I know its no excuse for cheating but I don't know

so i broke it off with him about a month ago,and tried moving on but were still friends and i just don't know what to think, because the thing is i still love him and he's a very sweet guy deep down i know he's sorry and all my friends and family are telling me to forget what happened and to move on that there is a future there because they say he is the nicest guy they ever met and that they wish there partners were like him but i don't know but I am so confused.My head is all over the place and I might be pregnant.

I love him and im so hurt from what he did ,but deep down I want to forgive him, I know he loves me and says it was a mistake that he was messed up at the time didn't know what he wanted.

I have lived with him abroad for a year and had to move back to our hometown, I said I would get back with him only if we moved abroad again, is this a right thing to do? can i trust him again not to be unfaithful

I am a friend

canueverforgive? wrote: »

he only cheated once and it was because his dad died 2months before it happened

Waffle. We had a family bereavement last year - can I go and cheat on my OH tonight. He is making rubbish excuses for cheating.

Do a pregnancy test.

Why would you not live with him here? Cheats can be nice but they are still cheats...

Oryx

Some questions you need to ask yourself even if you dont answer them here.

Why do you need to move abroad? What difference would that make?
Why did he happen to tell you about this now? Did something happen?
Does he know you might be pregnant?

We dont know if you can ever trust him again, only you can decide that. He has broken your trust, and would need to work hard to build it up again. Talk to the guy, hear him out. You could both possibly be having a child together, I think this is one of those situations when your decision has to be very well thought out, it will affect more than just you, in a long term way, if you are having a child.

P. Breathnach

You have some idea of what sort of state he was in the period after his father died, so you have some chance of judging whether his explanation/excuse is believable. And you might be able to judge the risk of his being in a similar state in the future.

I always worry when actions are linked to drugs (including alcohol). I see a risk of similar things happening again unless the person has brought the drugs or drink under control.

If you truly believe that it was a one-off and there is no real risk of something similar happening again, you should be free to forgive him. Whether you actually can depends a bit on your own character (that's not fixing any blame or responsibility on you: people react differently in the same circumstances).

I don't see any sense in making forgiveness conditional on moving abroad. Either you forgive him and learn to trust him, or you don't.

Wompa1

If he cheats again would you be ok with that?

Because he will, no question about that. He's a cheater....

P. Breathnach

Wompa1 wrote: »

If he cheats again would you be ok with that?

Because he will, no question about that. He's a cheater....

Life is not necessarily that simple.

event

Wompa1 wrote: »

If he cheats again would you be ok with that?

Because he will, no question about that. He's a cheater....

Fact?

curlzy

Hey OP,

First off - do a pregnancy test. I don't understand you saying "I might be pregnant", you know that pregnancy tests are available from any chemist, right? So go and get one and you'll know one way or the other.

We regards to him cheating because his dad died and he was on drugs. Well, honestly that smells like BS to me. I've been bereaved and I've also been so high on drugs that I literally couldn't see or tell the difference between reality and cartoons and yet I've never cheated, so that doesn't hold any water with me at all.

I don't agree though that once a cheater always a cheater, I don't think life is that simple. Amongst my friends I've some that have cheated like crazy in their past and don't ever cheat with their current partners. So yeah it's really not that simple.

I think you need to figure out:
a) Are you pregnant.
b) Do you trust him not to cheat again.
c) Do you actually want to be with him.

Only you can answer those questions.

Best of luck.

hondasam

Wompa1 wrote: »

If he cheats again would you be ok with that?

Because he will, no question about that. He's a cheater....

People who say this have no idea about life and think mistakes never happen and if they do you must ditch your partner. Life would be hard it their was no forgiveness in the world.

OP give him a chance, only you know what he is truly like and if he is sorry, he did not have to come clean now after all this time.
Only give him the chance if it's what you really want and if you can forgive and forget.
good luck,:)