Feelings of failure

LegacyUser

Hi all,

I'm 30 years old, I'm currently doing an internship after abandoning an academic career because I couldn't find a job two years after graduating. The position is going well. I've been told there will be a job at the end. However, a lot is expected and I struggle daily with confidence issues. I feel haunted by the abandonment of the academic path and that it brands me a failure. I worry that I'll fail at this too.

These feelings are compounded by the fear that I've disappointed my family. Not to brag, but I've always naturally excelled so I've never had to deal with this before. In school I was top of every class without trying, told I was gifted, won awards. I got near 600 points, chose to follow my dream and now feel like I've been found out, that I couldn't hack it.

I still have my dream and I work at it every day. But it's really tough to make it and the likelihood is I never will. I'm happy enough in myself, my ambitions in life are quite modest. I just want to have a job I don't hate and do it well. It's other people's expectations that are killing me. I know there are people who are happy to see me fail. I get bitchy comments, "Oh why have you left that? Why aren't you working with that qualification?"

My major worry is that I'm going to sabotage this new path I've just started on with all these thoughts. How can I get rid of this feeling of inevitable doom and prevent myself from giving up what I've just started?

Torakx

The people making those kind of comments have no idea about the recession obviously or the funnel neck you encounter after graduating from college.
That same reason you are feeling ashamed about,is the very reason i am afraid to start college in the first place.
At least you had the balls to go for it.
Its a very real thing and you are doing well to have carried forward and moved on to something that has kept you busy,then fair play to you.
Internships arent exactly a fail situation! its a damn good one.

Take what you learned from college with you.It is not a loss to be educated.
At the end of the day you cant stop the sun from setting.
If you do your best you have absolutely nothing to worry about.You will either make it or not and that is that.
worrying about it only makes it harder to excell.
I know its hard not to worry when you think of the past.
Try to picture your goals now and visual it every day that you will make it and where you will be.
It will most likely happen.

LegacyUser

Torakx, that's awesome advice. So wise and compassionate, I'm very grateful. And the best of luck to you. We're too hard on ourselves. Oh to be those shiny confident people. But then maybe they don't really exist either.

nyarlothothep

The academic job market is very tough to break into so don't beat yourself up about it. The odds are slim at best for anyone trying to get a job as lecturer so it's not a reflection on you. In addition did you hear about a guy called Zizek? He was rated by Time irc as one of the the top 25 intellectuals in the world. But he was unemployed for four years after finishing his PhD, although irc he couldn't get a job for political reasons but recession/politics, both are classable as barriers to entry. However this is not to say don't follow through on your internship as this is an opportunity which you have and it may lead to something. So don't give up in other words. Also disregard people who try to bring you down, these people are silly and at best ignorable.

LegacyUser

nyarlothothep wrote: »

The academic job market is very tough to break into so don't beat yourself up about it. The odds are slim at best for anyone trying to get a job as lecturer so it's not a reflection on you. In addition did you hear about a guy called Zizek? He was rated by Time irc as one of the the top 25 intellectuals in the world. But he was unemployed for four years after finishing his PhD, although irc he couldn't get a job for political reasons but recession/politics, both are classable as barriers to entry. However this is not to say don't follow through on your internship as this is an opportunity which you have and it may lead to something. So don't give up in other words. Also disregard people who try to bring you down, these people are silly and at best ignorable.

Thank you! You are right. It's the publish or be damned bit that's the killer. Rushing into print for the sake of it, couldn't do it.

Procrastastudy

I could have written this OP! I think some of us have a harder time turning 30 than others.

My career was somewhat less impressive than being an academic - but I was good at it - always ahead of the curve - highest paid guy in Ireland for the job I did with my particular company. Then it all went tits up. I'm back at college doing a law degree and am really suprised at the fact there are several other people in the same boat - some more sucessful who just had enough and wanted something different.

Not really advice - just there's more people out there in the same boat than you might think.