Family home, financially abusive brother stopping us from renting.

dmsr

Hi,

Could reallly do with advise on a very sensitive and complicated situation. Mum is in a nursing home with advanced Alzheimers. We have had a very upsetting past few years with poor Mum and her illness and are trying to get by as best we can. My siblings and I have have had our differences but have always managed to work things out. We are now struggling with our brother.

Trying not to "throw dirt" here but we had always said when Mum went into a nursing home we would rent out the property, as a house doesn't look after itself and the state would be getting nearly all her income.

My brother has lived in the family home on and off over the years. He was mostly there if fed up with girlfriend or broke, but never for Mum. He has helped Mum over the years however he has a nasty side in that he would constantly take money off her. Over two months after I had my latest baby he withdrew approx €800 from her account. He also overdrew over €1000 with a local company under my Mums name. He has been good to Mum in many ways but only when it suits him. He rarely visits Mum and won't bring her for much needed appointments. He however has time to drive all over the country for fun. This is only some of his history.

He has now decided that Mum's house is now his. We can only get in by organising it with him. He won't get oil because he can't afford it and wants us to get a new heating system. The ESB is free from Mum & state. He was under Mums car insurance until recently. He is getting great support from the state (he is self employed when it suits him, ie state doesn't know) and locally as he is pulling the "poor me looking after Mum card", even thought I have lots of proof otherwise. He is in for any financial opportunity possible. We think he has sold Mums car for scrap!

We have had legal advice and he hasn't got a leg to stand on. We have Enduring Power of Attorney coming very slowly through.

Question is how should we handle this without going down the long legal route? I don't want the family to split over this so want to do this as quickly and "clean" as possible.

Thanks for listening to my rant (&spellings)!

antoinolachtnai

You either have enduring power of attorney or you don't. And this power needs to be vested in someone specific.

You really need proper legal advice. It is all very well to say that he hasn't a leg to stand on, but it is quite another thing to put him out of a house that he is now in possession of. It is not a straightforward situation and you need to consider the consequences of any actions you might take in conjunction with a solicitor.

The only 'clean' way to do this is to convince your brother to do the right thing.

Someone in your family is going to have to take responsibility, get the specific legal advice you need and take action. It isn't going to be pleasant, and there is inevitably going to be some sort of split. The only consolation is that it is being done to protect your mother's financial position.

fergiesfolly

I have absolutely no legal advice to offer, but you've already stated that you've sought legal advice and the law is on your side. I would wonder about his rights as a child of the homeowner living in the property.
On a personal level, family disputes can turn nasty and leave long lasting scars and I don't blame you for trying to keep this as civil as possible.
I would gather the rest of your family and arrange a meeting with your brother to sort out your mothers financial affairs, including the house, its contents and all bank accounts, savings, shares etc.
Make it clear to all that your mother comes first and that the entire family will have to make the necessary sacrifices to to ensure her comfort and well being.
Your brother should have an equal say in these matters, but it should be made clear to him that he may have to vacate the house and should surrender any control he has over your mothers financial affairs immediately.
Your mothers affairs should be handled by some, or all of you, collectively.

I'd leave him to think this over for a few days and call another meeting with all your family and if his stance hasn't changed, you'll need to spell out the legal route that the rest of the family are willing to take.
He's a grown man and should be well capable of looking after himself. This should also be spelt out. As delicately as needs be, but spelt out all the same.
Hopefully, it won't come to that, but stand firm. Your mother comes first and if falling out with a sibling is consequence of that, you'll at least have the comfort of knowing that you've done the right thing.
Best of luck.

Forest Demon

I have been through something very similar. Get family together and get everyone to agree way forward. If he is the only one who does not agree and if his reasons for not agreeing are self centred then you need to move things on as soon as possible.

You need to go to court as soon as possible and determine who is the best person to make decisions on behalf of your mother. I wasted time trying to appeal to the best nature of a family member and it caused nothing but problems. Goal posts just keep being moved. Going to court was actually handy in the end and after that they are not in a position to cause problems. Caused a split in the family but if that is how they feel then so be it. Do what is right for your mother.

By the way you said that he feels the house is now his. Is this because of a will or a promise from your Mum? I don't want to be insensitive and I know your Mum is sill with you. It does matter especially when one person wants to change the heating etc.

dmsr

Thanks Antoino..., Fergies Folly and Forest Demon for your advice. Def helpful. I have been taking care of Mums finances (no one else has access, but other sibling receiving bank statements). We have all met a few times to discuss Mums care & the house etc. At last meeting told brother we had decided in Mums best interest and ours to rent out. All done fairly. Didn't go down well. I asked what about Mum he said he didn't care that he would be homeless and walked away. Going to try to appeal to him on my own one more time tonight (wish me luck!).

Forest Demon how long did the court process take from beginning to end? Really reluctant to go down this road as been there for another thing and most importantly we want to enjoy Mum as much as possible and not have this as part of her memory.

Kosseegan

fergiesfolly wrote: »

I have absolutely no legal advice to offer, but you've already stated that you've sought legal advice and the law is on your side. I would wonder about his rights as a child of the homeowner living in the property.
.

Wonder no more. The child of an owner still alive has no rights to the property. He merely has a licence to reside from the owner.