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Triathlon is a Stupid Sport
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25-04-2012 4:15pm#1Not sure if this has been posted before. Robbed from cycling...
http://charliebroadway.blogspot.com/2011/01/triathlon-is-stupid-sport.htmlI take what I call a journalistic interest in a variety of sports. If I didn't write, I wouldn't waste my time learning about them. But when you are a writer, you learn everything about everything. In the case of various sports, I can tell you all sorts of things about surfing, mountain biking, rock climbing, bowling, scuba diving, or what have you. I learn a lot about these activities, and I talk with people who do them. Every one of the people I have talked to have been charitable types willing to indulge my curiosity. But there is an exception. Triathletes are that exception.
Triathletes are douchebags. If you doubt this, go to any messageboard for any single sport like running, swimming, and cycling and declare that you are a proud triathlete. You will be showered with invective. People will hate on you, and you will think it might be envy. But it isn't. Triathletes are huge ****ing assholes. The sport and the douchebag personality go together.
Triathlon began as a sport in the 70's concurrent with the running boom that took off and remains with us today. Those early triathletes were pretty cool people. Basically, they could swim and took up either running or cycling as a second sport. In those early days, triathletes were kinda weird and gnarly much like ultrarunners are today. It was during this time that the famous Ironman Triathlon was created and would go on to become the most recognized tri-event in the world. The M-dot logo would become a valuable trademark, and that is where things began to turn wrong in that sport.
Nobody has a copyright on the word "marathon." But imagine if someone did. Imagine if you had a 26.2 mile race, but you had to pay to call it a marathon. Suddenly, you are in a ****ty deal. Now imagine you want to qualify for the Boston Marathon, but you have to run a marathon in order to do it. The only marathons recognized are the ones that paid to be called a marathon. Suddenly, you have control. A group of people are going to get rich off of a trademark that no one else can use. Of course, this scenario is ridiculous. But this is the deal in triathlon. You can't use the Ironman name much less the logo without paying for the privilege. You might say this is no big deal, but the reality is that everyone wants to complete an Ironman event for the bragging rights.
The result of this arrangement is that entry fees for these events are high--very high. With other events like marathons and 5K's, the money made goes to charitable endeavors and maintaining the race. This is one reason why municipalities are willing to let organizers use their streets. It is for a good cause and promotes health. An Ironman is different. It is about profit. This is why marathoning is so egalitarian while triathlon is elitist.
Without a doubt, triathlon and the Ironman are well organized. But those events are expensive. The entry fee for last year's Hawaii Ironman was $550. The entry fee for the Boston Marathon is $130. The entry fee for the New York City Marathon is $196. The entry fee for Western States is $295. Now, these races aren't cheap. They require a lot of logistical support, aid, refreshments, and the like. But you can run Boston for less than your electric bill. Plus, you can drive or take the bus. You can't do that with the Hawaii Ironman unless you live in Hawaii. You automatically have to tack on airfare for the Ironman.
The next barrier is the time needed to train for triathlon. World class runners train for less than 20 hours per week. An amateur triathlete needs 20 hours per week just to be decent. The optimum is 25+ hours per week. This is a heavy time commitment. Only someone extremely dedicated is going to pull this off or has sponsorship enabling them to quit their day job.
The next aspect is the cost of training and equipment. Triathletes drop $4000-$5000 on the bike, and $400 on the wet suit. This does not include all the accessories that go with this **** like a cycling computer, membership at the Y, etc. Between time, entry fees, and costs of gear, who can afford to do this sport or even want to do it?
The average salary of a tri-geek is $150,000. So, you guessed who wants to do this sport--elitist pricks with bull**** jobs and money to burn. And since they often go to the same places as runners, swimmers, and cyclists, they run into these other people who don't make $150K a year with their MBA or JD and leave a very bad impression. The bottom line is that triathlon is a contrived piece of **** sport peopled with colossal assholes who want to claim another accomplishment for their resumes. Since they buy so much expensive ****, equipment makers line up to market to these twits.
If you come away with the impression that triathlon is the McMansion of sports, you would be correct. Triathlon makes golf look cheap and egalitarian by comparison. There are dirtbag runners, mountain bikers, rock climbers, surfers, etc. Ultrarunner Anton Krupicka often lives out of the back of his pickup in order to indulge his sport. But there are no dirtbag triathletes. Triathlon is a money sport. Supporters of triathlon will tell you that you can do a triathlon with a mountain bike you got from Walmart. But don't think they won't be laughing at you because they will.
Of course, triathletes are silly ****ers anyway. You can see by the way they dress for the event:
I realize that all sports require wearing some silly stuff. But this takes the cake. This outfit would look cool on a chick. It doesn't look so good on a dude. I know. This is a cheap shot. But I wanted to get that lick in before I took my beating in the comments section.
Triathlon isn't really a sport but the narcissistic indulgence of rich assholes. The competition can't be that fierce since your annual salary is as much a factor as your genetics and your training. It is a status symbol. That's it. These rich assholes do this sport instead of opting for one of the single sports because it seems so awesome that they can suck at three disciplines instead of one. It is like getting a 2.0 at Harvard. People just hear Harvard and assume you're smart instead of being the brat of well-connected rich parents. The symbol is what matters not what it signifies. Triathlon is a way that pricks can tell the world that they are awesome and rich and better than you. Now you know why all the other cyclists want to kick the triathlete's ass at the century ride.
UPDATE: This post has generated a great deal of feedback thanks to somebody posting the link over at Slowtwitch. The overwhelming response just indicates to me that I hit my target. I'm not apologizing for anything I've written. Triathletes are assholes.
I'm weird, but I don't admire sports where the outcome can be determined by one's income. Poor people might participate in triathlon, but I suspect they are denigrated by their wealthier peers in the sport. Every triathlete I have ever met has been a carbon copy of the Brad Pitt character in Burn After Reading--a douche.
There's a bit more on the blog if interested...1
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amphkingwest wrote: »Are you having second thoughts . . .
Me? I'm not doing any tris? Doing a couple of running races using a swim and cycle to warm up though!
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