Confused about a girl. Help appreciated!

LegacyUser

Going unreg for this one. It's not exactly a big issue but it would be nice to get an outside perspective

I'll make this as short as I can. I'm friends with a girl, who (I'm told by her friends) has been interested in me since we first met. We've had a couple of 'incidents' with each other, while drunk, but nothing serious at all. The confusing part is, any time I try to make a move while we're both sober, she pushes me away, claims she isn't interested/prefers other guys (her reasons seem to change). One of her friends thinks she's just scared to get too close to me becuase she doesn't want to get hurt.

When we're together, we get along so well. I've never met anyone I can get along with so easily, or can make me laugh so much. She seems to be the same around me, and recently she's been getting more playful, making excues to touch me, laying beside me, and little things like that which seem to me like she's showing interest. At the same time, she's very erratic when it comes to texting. As in, some days she'll be texting me for hours, replying almost instantly, then others I just get nothing at all.

So, can anyone help me work out what the hells going on here? Would be much appreciated! :P

Miss Fluff

Nobody here can possibly know what's going on in her head and you can't be relying on the hypotheses of various friends either. Pick up the phone and ask her out.

BattleCorp

As the previous poster said, ask her out (when you are both sober). It's the only way to find out exactly how she feels.

You'll get to hear it "from the horses mouth" so to speak (not calling her a horse or anything like )

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies guys. I suppose I realise myself that asking her out is the only sensible option to take. It's just because I was turned down before I don't wanna be too persistant and just come across as weird and stalkerish :P

P. Breathnach

It's possible that she can't quite make her mind up about whether she is attracted to you; it's possible that, as her friend says, she is afraid of getting hurt; it's also possible that she is a bit of a messer. You need the proper sort of time with her in order to suss things out.

Ask her out again. There is nothing wrong with a little persistence. But make it as easy for her as you can manage - nothing too heavy, not a big-deal thing, and not a pub'n'club night out. Perhaps something like going for a walk somewhere that might interest you both (Glendalough would work for my OH, but she's taken). What you might need is some pleasant time spent together in a situation where you can chat and enjoy one another's company, with no implied agenda of needing to snog or shag as part of the deal.

Then let things take their own pace, and see how it goes.

LegacyUser

OP once again. Yeah those are pretty much the three possibilities going through my head, and as you guys have said there's only one way to find out really. Guess I don't have a choice :P

I kinda have been taking things the way you suggested P. Breathnach, just having some fairly casual meet ups and taking it easy. Since I started doing that she seems to be getting more....open to me I suppose is the best way to put it!

I am a friend

whatsgoingonhere? wrote: »

any time I try to make a move while we're both sober, she pushes me away, claims she isn't interested/prefers other guys (her reasons seem to change).

Bad advice is being given here... Why would you chase after someone who treats you like this?? Take her at her word.. she isnt interested so dont humiliate yourself any further by chasing her.. BTW, why are you feeding her ego by talking to her friend about it. she is treating you like [EMAIL="cr@p"]cr@p[/EMAIL] so stand up for yourself and move on from her.

Herrick

I'd say go with Miss Fluffs advice and ask her out properly, that way you will know for sure where you stand at least.

But my initial reaction from what you've written is she is a messer. Erratic texting, getting with you the odd night out and all about you one minute, then cool with you the next. Does she seem to only be all about you after you have ignored her for a bit? I think she's only after attention OP.

I would have said she was just plainly not interested, but the fact you and her have got together before makes me think she is just a headwrecker.

Also, be very wary of listening to a girls friends. Usually what they "think" is completely wrong. Unless she has specifically told her friends she fancies you, you can't put any faith their opinions. I've often heard girls saying how obvious it is their friend fancies the pants off some guy and telling them ask her out, only for her to turn him down to the shock of her mates. Of course I suppose some of those instances may have been the result of an attention seeker/ego booster which may explain why they thought it, but it's not always the case.

LegacyUser

Thanks again for all the replies, I really didn't expect so much advice for osmething so trivial.

A couple of things I should clear up, firstly I see where you're coming from I am a friend, I think its most likely she is messing around. Partly because I'm paranoid like that. However, I wouldn't see trying once more as humiliating myself. I'd rather deal with slight humiliation now than regret a few years down the line. Basically, I think I'm gonna get told where to go, but I don't see the harm in chancing it. We don't really have many mutual friends either so there wouldn't be any awkwardness in that sense.

Also herrick, I should point out I've been erratic with the texting myself at times. From my memory she was al about me from when I first knew her, and ignoring didn't really make much of a difference either way. Also when I'm around she only seems to act that way towards me, even when there are other guys around.

The last bit I should clarify is, according to the friend, the girl told her this.

I've prety much made up my mind anyway, I'm fairly sure It will get thrown back in my face but I'd prefer that to the regret.

P. Breathnach

ophere wrote: »

...
I've prety much made up my mind anyway, I'm fairly sure It will get thrown back in my face but I'd prefer that to the regret.

Good for you. It's best not to end up wondering "What if ...?"

I hope it turns out well for both of you.

SheFiend

I was that girl for six months or so. Now in the happiest relationship of my life for close to two years and counting.

I was afraid to let him get too close because we had become great friends. I didn't want to ruin that with a short term fling. Having sex when drunk was not messing around: it was loss of control over my strong feelings for him. But had the unfortunate side effect of leading me to think that when he was affectionate or txtd me to meet that it was purely for 'the ride' and not to hang out with me.

He asked me out and i turned him down. But he still stayed around, putting less pressure on me, like i had asked. Six months later, i was confident both our feelings and intentions were good, and we've been so happy together since.

I can't believe he stayed with me until then. It wasn't a deliberate test, but it showed me inadvertently that he wanted to be with me regardless of sex. That was key to me trusting him.

I hope it works out for you! Just focus on the good things. It sounds like she's opening up to you, and i believe you're doing the right thing by not pressuring her.

gaf1983

SheFiend wrote: »

I was that girl for six months or so. Now in the happiest relationship of my life for close to two years and counting.

I was afraid to let him get too close because we had become great friends. I didn't want to ruin that with a short term fling. Having sex when drunk was not messing around: it was loss of control over my strong feelings for him. But had the unfortunate side effect of leading me to think that when he was affectionate or txtd me to meet that it was purely for 'the ride' and not to hang out with me.

He asked me out and i turned him down. But he still stayed around, putting less pressure on me, like i had asked. Six months later, i was confident both our feelings and intentions were good, and we've been so happy together since.

I can't believe he stayed with me until then. It wasn't a deliberate test, but it showed me inadvertently that he wanted to be with me regardless of sex. That was key to me trusting him.

I hope it works out for you! Just focus on the good things. It sounds like she's opening up to you, and i believe you're doing the right thing by not pressuring her.

Glad things worked out for you guys SheFiend. I feel like I'm in a very similar situation to the OP myself at the moment - I could go into the details (which I might do in an opening post) but I feel that there would be about 2 seasons of Home and Away worth of stuff to get through. Advice I've been given was don't rush things, but don't waste time either.

Lorrs33

Maybe you could ask her out, but tell her it will be the last time you ever will. That way you put the ball in her court and at the same time let her know that you won't hold out for her forever in the off-chance she may be messing you around.