Husband refusing permission

LegacyUser

Hope someone can give me some idea what to do

My brother is getting married in a couple of weeks time, my husband has always said he won't go, they had a falling out a few years back so I expected this but now he is putting his foot down and saying I can't go.

I don't know what to do. I want to go - obviously I mean he is my brother and has been very good to me over the years as has his soon to be wife but I don't want to upset my husband. I know if I don't go my brother and his fiancee will never forgive me nor will my parents. And I want to go.

He keeps telling me my loyalties lie with him and not to get any ideas about going. I have tried explaining how important this is but he won't listen.

I am getting so stressed out now that I can barely sleep.

Daisy M

How serious was this argument? Without knowing what it was about it is hard to say. Unless your brother did something really terrible then I dont think your husband should try and influence your decision let alone try and forbid you from going? My initial reaction is your husband sounds like a control freak and a life with him mst be terrible.

The Lovely Muffin

Daisy M wrote: »

How serious was this argument? Without knowing what it was about it is hard to say. Unless your brother did something really terrible then I dont think your husband should try and influence your decision let alone try and forbid you from going? My initial reaction is your husband sounds like a control freak and a life with him mst be terrible.

I agree with this.

Your husband has no right to tell you whether or not you can or can't go to your siblings wedding.

If the tables were turned and you tried to stop your husband from attending his siblings wedding - would he be OK with it?

Personally, I'd go anyway, to hell with your husband controlling what weddings you do and don't attend.

If he doesn't want to go, then fine, but he has no right to stop or even try to stop you from going.

neuro-praxis

The problem is not the impending wedding. The problem is your marriage.

This is not how loving spouses treat one another. You need to stop trying to please your husband. He has no right to forbid you to do anything. You are not required to ask his permission in this instance. If he's angry with you, it's not the end of the world.

If you are afraid of your husband on the other hand, it might be time to think about making some very serious changes in your life.

hondasam

paulac452 wrote: »

Hope someone can give me some idea what to do

My brother is getting married in a couple of weeks time, my husband has always said he won't go, they had a falling out a few years back so I expected this but now he is putting his foot down and saying I can't go.

Is he saying you can't go or asking you not to go without him?

He is asking you to choose between him and your family, it happens all the time and only you can decide what to do.
Is there anyway a compromise can be reached?

cafecolour

paulac452 wrote: »

he is putting his foot down and saying I can't go.

You are using language of a parent talking about a child.

It sounds like you are married to a controlling, abusive man. He's probably been isolating you, and this is the last step - isolating you from your family. Get out of this marriage ASAP. Be careful when doing this, as he could get violent.

hondasam

cafecolour wrote: »

You are using language of a parent talking about a child.

It sounds like you are married to a controlling, abusive man. He's probably been isolating you, and this is the last step - isolating you from your family. Get out of this marriage ASAP. Be careful when doing this, as he could get violent.

You don't even know the man and you have made all these assumptions about him. Life is never as simple as you seem to think it is.

Ickle Magoo

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BattleCorp

You are not your husband's possession, you are his wife. You don't have to do what he tells you.

If you want to go to the wedding, then go to the wedding, no matter what he says.

You have every right to do whatever you want to do.

jimmycrackcorm

Tell your husband that when it comes to your family he cannot interfere. You will respect his decision to not attend because of the history but he cannot split you from your own family regardless of his feelings.

BattleCorp

jimmycrackcorm wrote: »

You will respect his decision to not attend because of the history but he cannot split you from your own family regardless of his feelings.

What a crock of sh1t the above suggestion is. Fcuk his decision, it isn't his decision to make. If you want to go to the wedding, then go. You are an adult, his wife, his equal and therefore you don't have to do anything he tells you to do.

As a little kid would say, "You're not the boss of me".

I say go if you want to.

LegacyUser

No I am not afraid of my husband and he is not controlling.

Basically my brother used to work in my husbands company, he was let go a few years back, last in first out, it was the fairest way but my brother took it very badly.

He reported my husband to health and safety and it caused no end of stress so no love lost between them as you can imagine.

But as I say he is my brother and he and his fiancee were very good to me last year when a friend of mine passed away, they really went about and beyond so I feel like I owe them. I see them a good bit and my husband doesn't mind but he just feels by going to the wedding I am condoning what happened in front of everyone.

girl2

paulac452 wrote: »

No I am not afraid of my husband and he is not controlling.

Basically my brother used to work in my husbands company, he was let go a few years back, last in first out, it was the fairest way but my brother took it very badly.

He reported my husband to health and safety and it caused no end of stress so no love lost between them as you can imagine.

But as I say he is my brother and he and his fiancee were very good to me last year when a friend of mine passed away, they really went about and beyond so I feel like I owe them. I see them a good bit and my husband doesn't mind but he just feels by going to the wedding I am condoning what happened in front of everyone.

You know, yes there's a wedding. But the reality is that this is your lives. Is there no way between you and your brother's fiancé that you could get the two them back talking again?

There is going to be so many things like weddings etc in your lives and you don't want to have to go through this every time there's a family event?

I know your husband seems very up in arms about it all, but is there anyway for your sake that the two of them can put their differences aside and try for your sake?

P. Breathnach

paulac452 wrote: »

... he just feels by going to the wedding I am condoning what happened in front of everyone.

I don't want this to seem unkind: your husband's concern is about how he imagines the people attending the wedding will perceive him, and he is putting that ahead of your relationship with your brother, his fiancée, and the rest of your family.

I think you should be fairly direct with him. Point out that the cost to you of staying away would be huge, whereas the cost to him of your going might not be that much - essentially he is projecting a great deal into how your attendance would be interpreted, and he isn't really trusting you to make it clear that you are loyal to him.

Wompa1

Just tell him you are going without him and that you have to go because it's your family and if it was him, you would not stand in the way of him and his family. And just go. I can see why he wouldn't go, that's a pretty big thing your brother did, it could have possibly cost your husband his livelihood...

Susie_Q

Don't try to force your husband to go - in the circumstances it is very unlikely that he won't and it will just cause arguments. Tell him clearly and firmly that you are going to the wedding and that you will be back the next day (or whenever). Don't get sucked into another fight; just say you've made up your mind to go and that's that.

If your husband isn't controlling then that should be enough, he should respect your decision and let it go.

LorraineMcFly

Has your husband been invited too? My stance on it would be if my husband was not formally invited on the invitation I would not go. i would never let any family member single out my husband and hurt his feelings. However if he has been invited on the invite, and wont go, i would say I was going as its important to me. And the hand of friendship has been extended on the invite.Let bygones be bygones

petethebrick

paulac452 wrote: »

No I am not afraid of my husband and he is not controlling.

Basically my brother used to work in my husbands company, he was let go a few years back, last in first out, it was the fairest way but my brother took it very badly.

He reported my husband to health and safety and it caused no end of stress so no love lost between them as you can imagine.

Hold on a minute everyone. Yes of course her husband can't tell her what she can and cannot do. But this was a very nasty thing her brother did. Can you blame the husband for having such a negative view of him.

OP - did you make it clear after the incident that you sided with your husband? If so and you want to attend the wedding then simply explain to your husband that you understand his feelings towards your brother but that you are attending the wedding as its something you want to do for the sake of your relationship with your brother. If he doesn't get that well then just go ahead anyway.

hondasam

sunflower27 wrote: »

This is your brother!! One of the most special days in his life.

He is her husband ! The most special person in her life.
It easy to say you would go and feck the husband etc but obviously she is struggling with both of them, she has to hurt one of them.
Her brother is also to blame, how come he gets of so lightly?
You cannot just disregard the man in your life as if he means nothing.

Joey the lips

Your husband has no right to tell you not to see your family. This decision must come from you.

Remember friends come and go but family are always there(baggage and all)

The Big Red Button

You say you get on with your brother and your fiance most of the time - is your husband not concerned THEN how it looks "to everyone else"?

I would be concerned that, if you do not attend the wedding, your brother and family will (understandably) be extremely upset and hurt by this - and he may use this bad atmosphere as a way of "forbidding" you to spend time with your brother, more and more.

If he's so concerned about how things look to others ... Does he not realise that, if you don't attend your own brothers wedding, it'll be the talk of the place, and everyone will be talking and speculating about what had happened in the past. Is this what he wants??

But anyways, the day shouldn't be about you and your husband. It should be about your brother (who you love, and who supports you) and his fiance. By refusing to attend, you are not only missing out yourself - you will be taking away from one of the most important days of his life, as he WILL understandably be upset and angry with you, and worried about you too. Also, you not attending will make your brother dislike your husband even more, which will greatly reduce the chances of them ever reconciling in the future.

You are not forcing your husband to attend, and rightly so, it's his decision not to. But that respect should go both ways.

It's important that, not only should you go to the wedding, you should not be apologetic about it. It's your brother, you're on good terms with him, it's one of the biggest events in his life, and you should not let family politics get in the way. If he can't understand this, then he has very serious problems, which do need to be addressed sooner rather than later.

hondasam

Joey the lips wrote: »

Your husband has no right to tell you not to see your family. This decision must come from you.

Remember friends come and go but family are always there(baggage and all)

I don't think he is telling her, just asking her to choose him over her brother, emotional blackmail. Her brother is at fault also and I can see why her husband would not attend the wedding.
I feel for her because someone is going to fall out with her either way and I think she will choose her husband as most women would, I think.

MissFlitworth

Sounds like your husband has a genuine reason for disliking your brother, what he did was awful & I'm sure could have ruined your husband's business (and by extension your livelihood). He doesn't have the right to ask you not to go to a family event but I could understand him being gutted that you are going. Obviously you should go, no matter what he says, but it sounds like he could do with some reassurance that he's first in your life

Joey the lips

hondasam wrote: »

I don't think he is telling her, just asking her to choose him over her brother, emotional blackmail. Her brother is at fault also and I can see why her husband would not attend the wedding.
I feel for her because someone is going to fall out with her either way and I think she will choose her husband as most women would, I think.

If i truly loved my wife and Hated her brother out of true respect and love for her i would not tell her not to see her brother.

Its very wrong and the start of a dodgy road.

Whats next. She cant talk to her neighbours.

LorraineMcFly

hondasam wrote: »

I don't think he is telling her, just asking her to choose him over her brother, emotional blackmail. Her brother is at fault also and I can see why her husband would not attend the wedding.
I feel for her because someone is going to fall out with her either way and I think she will choose her husband as most women would, I think.

I agree I would always put my husband and my kids above anybody else. Marriage is about teamwork, and at no point am i goina drop out and go to the other side of a brother that would sell my husband out to the HR department. However as I said earlier if the hubby is on the invite, and its important to the OP then she should go. It seems the OP will have huge regrets if she doesnt go. I wonder has the OP's brother ever apologised? I would have said to my brother long ago, if you want to eneter my house again you will apologise to my husband.

The Big Red Button

hondasam wrote: »

He is her husband ! The most special person in her life.
It easy to say you would go and feck the husband etc but obviously she is struggling with both of them, she has to hurt one of them.
Her brother is also to blame, how come he gets of so lightly?
You cannot just disregard the man in your life as if he means nothing.

What happened in the past is in the past and, more importantly, is between the husband and brother - not the OP.

I don't believe it to be of relevance here. Yes, maybe the brother WAS in the wrong - but families aren't perfect. Doesn't mean you can't stand by them when times get tough.

It sounds like the brother and his fiance have helped the OP out an awful lot recently. If the husband loves and cares about his wife, surely he should be able to see that the brother is an enormous support to his wife, and appreciate that fact, even if he's never going to be close to the guy himself?

The husband is being, at best, unreasonable and selfish. And, at worst, this could be a symptom of very dangerous underlying issues of control and dominance. This might sound extreme. But I guess, the word "permission" in the thread title suggests it. In any relationship, there are agreements and disagreements, compromises are reached, boundaries are established. But "permission", in my opinion, is not a word that should ever be required.

LorraineMcFly

chatterpillar wrote: »

What happened in the past is in the past and, more importantly, is between the husband and brother - not the OP.

I don't believe it to be of relevance here. Yes, maybe the brother WAS in the wrong - but families aren't perfect. Doesn't mean you can't stand by them when times get tough.

It sounds like the brother and his fiance have helped the OP out an awful lot recently. If the husband loves and cares about his wife, surely he should be able to see that the brother is an enormous support to his wife, and appreciate that fact, even if he's never going to be close to the guy himself?

The husband is being, at best, unreasonable and selfish. And, at worst, this could be a symptom of very dangerous underlying issues of control and dominance. This might sound extreme. But I guess, the word "permission" in the thread title suggests it. In any relationship, there are agreements and disagreements, compromises are reached, boundaries are established. But "permission", in my opinion, is not a word that should ever be required.

The OP has stated her husband is not controlling, so we must respect her view , she is the one living with him and knows him. It sounds like a case of him being a tad selfish and throwing the rattles out of the pram. It doesnt make him a dominant monster. If my husbands sister sold out me to HR i can tell you this, my husband would have hell with her over it. But also I wouldnt keep him from family events either. However it could be the case her husband just needs a bit of reassurance, to be honest she should go and ask her brother to apologoise before the wedding and maybe the rift can be healed. If her brother is as wonderful and supportive as she says he should have no problem with this. On the flipside Could it be the brother is trying to come between husband and wife , because of his grudge.

hondasam

I agree the husband should not tell her what to do or where to go etc. That's a given in any relationship.
She is caught in the middle here and both of them are pulling her the way they want her to go. I think they should sort out their differences.
If her brother really wanted her there so much then he would sort it out with her husband.
I think when it comes to it he will tell her to go because he loves her but would the brother do the same I wonder and tell her it's ok is she does not go?

omahaid

chatterpillar wrote: »

What happened in the past is in the past and, more importantly, is between the husband and brother - not the OP.

I have to disagree, if my brother tried to ruin my wifes livelihood then I would very reluctant to be friendly unless there was a real apology. As far as I see it, she is my next of kin and I would always stand by her.

OP, does your brother know how hurt your husband is? Does your brother feel he did something wrong? If so an apology might fix this...

hondasam

Joey the lips wrote: »

If i truly loved my wife and Hated her brother out of true respect and love for her i would not tell her not to see her brother.

Its very wrong and the start of a dodgy road.

Whats next. She cant talk to her neighbours.

I agree but lets face it lots of couples have these problems, the mention of mother in law is enough to drive some people insane.
I think the best thing is to stay out of brother/sister arguments because they will make up again, same as when they were kids.

Oryx

I can see why your husband feels the way he does, and though I think he is wrong, I get why he doesnt want you to go. But what he needs to understand is that by him not being there, it will be obvious enough that HE has not forgiven your brother.

I also think that absolutely, you should go to the wedding. This is your family, and forgetting about any repercussions, you WANT to be there and see your brother get married. Its the right thing to do.

But youve got to sort out the issue your husband has with you going. No, he has no right to stop you, but he is very hurt by what went on and might feel that you are dismissing that or are yourself condoning what your brother did by attending. You need to talk calmly with him about all that. (He might not stay calm, but try). Explain your side, listen to his. And also talk to your brother about all of this, because he needs to know the problems he has created for his sister in her personal life. Actions have repercussions, and all that.

I hope you and your husband can talk this through and get to a point where he can accept you going to the wedding, which you obviously want to do. I also hope that eventually, your brother can apologise and your husband can accept. Its a long life you lot have got to get through together, this wedding is only one small part of that.

The Big Red Button

I will mention one other thing.

Your brother did not report your husband on the grounds of unfair dismissal - you say that he reported him re. health and safety.

We don't know the full story. Perhaps your brother did so with complete honesty, with reason to do so, out of concern for his colleagues, and may have intended to do so before he was let go?

It's just something to keep in mind.

curlzy

OP,

You called this thread "husband refusing permission". Why? You say he isn't controlling but the fact that you think you need his permission, well that paints a very different story. After all, we are in Ireland, not Saudi Arabia where a women needs a male's permission to leave the house. Now perhaps you mistyped and that isn't what you meant but I have to say that if my fiancee tried to forbid me from doing anything, never mind going to my brother's wedding, he get a swift reality check. This isn't up to your husband. If you want to go then go, he's a big boy he'll get over it. If he holds a grudge and reacts badly then you've got some very serious issues and I would be getting into councelling if I were you because that is very controlling behaviour.

Best of luck.

johnr1

chatterpillar wrote: »

I will mention one other thing.

Your brother did not report your husband on the grounds of unfair dismissal - you say that he reported him re. health and safety.

We don't know the full story. Perhaps your brother did so with complete honesty, with reason to do so, out of concern for his colleagues, and may have intended to do so before he was let go?

It's just something to keep in mind.

Of course he did :rolleyes:

He obviously didn't have a case for unfair dismissal, so he did what many disgruntled employees do, - made up some crap, and got the HSA involved, to try to ruin his sisters husbands business, which supports her in some part, and which provided him with a job for a time.
Sounds like a real nice guy that one.

Op, your husband is 100% right in having nothing to do with someone like that ever again. However, he is 100% wrong to try to forbid you to go to the wedding. That's for you to decide.
Why you're so friendly with a brother who tried to take money/=food from you, your husbands, and your children's mouths having been given employment by you, is also your decision, but I won't pretend to understand it - rather like your husband I'd imagine.

Family are just that - people you share parents with, when they abuse you, they can't expect it to be free of consequences - just because they are family.

Overarching all this though, your husband has no right to tell you what events to attend. That IS controlling behaviour, whether you accept that it is or not.

LegacyUser

OP it doesn't sound like you've blanked your brother since his issues with your husband started. You say he and his future wife have been there for you so clearly you still have a relationship with your brother that I assume your husband has not tired to stop. I don't understand why his throwing a fit over this wedding. You say he thinks people will view it as you siding with your brother over him but surely if that were the case he would be asking you never to speak with your brother? Is he planning on asking you from avoiding all future family functions your brother will be attending because people will think your taking sides? What happens when your brother has kids - will you have no part in their lives?

I understand you husband has issues with your brother but they are his issues between the two of them. Your not going to the wedding to show up your husband, your going to witness the wedding of two people you freely admit have been a great support for you.

Neyite

The way I see it is that business is business, and family is family. Your husband chose to employ and then let go, your brother - thats a professional working relationship that you had no input on, as either a spouse or a sibling. (I'm assuming)

In addition, you yourself had no input into brother's decision to do what he did in retaliation - yep, it was a vindictive thing to do, and again, its between your husband and him, and in the context of that working relationship.

Its a family wedding. I can understand your husband staying away. In his shoes I would too.

But this will affect your parents, other siblings, and be the talk of the wedding. If you are close to your brother's wife to be, it could be upsetting for her as the bride, and she equally has nothing to do with what happened.

You stayed out of this from the start, its unfair for either of them to make you take a side now in something that does not concern you.

I am a friend

paulac452 wrote: »

he just feels by going to the wedding I am condoning what happened in front of everyone.

Who is everyone??? Your family?? you are also going for your parents, other siblings etc.

He shouldnt be putting you in this position. its mean and petty of him. I would not miss it as its a family event and not just about the couple involved.

LegacyUser

omahaid wrote: »

I have to disagree, if my brother tried to ruin my wifes livelihood then I would very reluctant to be friendly unless there was a real apology. As far as I see it, she is my next of kin and I would always stand by her.

OP, does your brother know how hurt your husband is? Does your brother feel he did something wrong? If so an apology might fix this...

johnr1 wrote: »

He obviously didn't have a case for unfair dismissal, so he did what many disgruntled employees do, - made up some crap, and got the HSA involved, to try to ruin his sisters husbands business, which supports her in some part, and which provided him with a job for a time.
Sounds like a real nice guy that one.

Op, your husband is 100% right in having nothing to do with someone like that ever again. However, he is 100% wrong to try to forbid you to go to the wedding. That's for you to decide.
Why you're so friendly with a brother who tried to take money/=food from you, your husbands, and your children's mouths having been given employment by you, is also your decision, but I won't pretend to understand it - rather like your husband I'd imagine.

Family are just that - people you share parents with, when they abuse you, they can't expect it to be free of consequences - just because they are family.

Overarching all this though, your husband has no right to tell you what events to attend. That IS controlling behaviour, whether you accept that it is or not.

I agree with these two posts very much. If my brother did something like that to my husband I sure as hell wouldn't be going to his wedding and I would not give a rat's a**e what my other family members think. I wouldn't need my husband to tell me not to go it would be my automatic reaction. Unless your brother gave a heartfelt apology and extended an olive branch I would not be speaking with him. There is no get out of jail free card because someone is family. As for you OP, you are definitely a forgiving and stronger person, all the power to you sincerely.

On a more unbias note, the decision is yours in the end. That argument is between your husband and your brother. But I agree that you need to tell your husband that you are loyal to him as he probably feels that you're not. Unless this isn't the whole story as to what really happened. None of us know and it is really is none of our business. Just make sure that your brother and husband are not playing tug of war with you over this and trying to win you over. Remain neutral and strong over this. I am sure your husband will not be happy with you going to the wedding but he will get over it. You are in contact with your brother and his fiancee now so I am sure he has gotten over it a little somehow.

tinkerbell

Ok first of all, I'd like to say that the OP's husband IS her family now, yes she has her siblings, etc. but when she got married her husband became her family, and with that her number one priority - your spouse should always be your number one priority, in my opinion.

However, I don't think it's right that the husband is telling the OP that she is not allowed to go, that is wrong. The OP is an adult, she can make her own decisions. However these decisions have consequences. What's the actual story behind what your brother did to your husband? Did he report him for H&S because he was pissed off he got fired or was there a genuine concern for H&S? If it was an act of revenge, well then you should be taking your husband's side here if your brother is not trying to make amends. If it was a genuine concern, well that's another matter entirely.

gud4u

I have a simialr problem within my family. Now we all just ignore it..Irish style.

My husband will not attend any of my families gatherings, weddings, christenings, confirmations etc, etc.

It doesn't even come up in conversation anymore, I am asked to things on my own, I attend on my own and it is a given that he won't be there.

It caused many rows between him and me at first, and between me and my family, it's just less stress all round now if he doesn't attend anything.

But the main thing is, never once did he say I couldn't go to any of the gatherings, just that he won't go and I am over the upset of that by now.

The Big Red Button

"If my brother did something like that to my husband I sure as hell wouldn't be going to his wedding and I would not give a rat's a**e what my other family members think."

Sorry, I'm on my phone, so can't quote right.

But, at no point has the OP stated that her brother was unjustified in the claim. He may very well have had a perfectly genuine grievance.

Regardless of this, a man's professional relationship with an ex-employee should have absolutely NOTHING to do with his wife's relationship with her brother.

LegacyUser

chatterpillar wrote: »

"If my brother did something like that to my husband I sure as hell wouldn't be going to his wedding and I would not give a rat's a**e what my other family members think."

Sorry, I'm on my phone, so can't quote right.

But, at no point has the OP stated that her brother was unjustified in the claim. He may very well have had a perfectly genuine grievance.

Regardless of this, a man's professional relationship with an ex-employee should have absolutely NOTHING to do with his wife's relationship with her brother.

If you read further down my post I stated that

unregistered123456 wrote: »

Unless this isn't the whole story as to what really happened. None of us know and it is really is none of our business.

We don't know what really transpired during the incident and what followed afterwards. I was just stating my opinion based on the facts of what the OP gave us in her thread and posts. I personally wouldn't need my husband to tell me not to go, I would have decided that for myself.

It's just unfortunate for the OP and her husband that this so called ex-employee happens to be related.

No matter what comes of this it is entirely up to the OP to decide if she wants to attend. Her husband has no right to tell her not to go but I can understand why he would be upset considering what was stated by the OP.

Chucky the tree

chatterpillar wrote: »

"If my brother did something like that to my husband I sure as hell wouldn't be going to his wedding and I would not give a rat's a**e what my other family members think."

Sorry, I'm on my phone, so can't quote right.

But, at no point has the OP stated that her brother was unjustified in the claim. He may very well have had a perfectly genuine grievance.

Regardless of this, a man's professional relationship with an ex-employee should have absolutely NOTHING to do with his wife's relationship with her brother.

Of course it does. Also it's not a mans, it's her husbands. Which means that his and her livelihoods are effected by what happens to that business. I think it's bizarre that she still has anything to do with her brother after her tried to run their livelihood.

The Big Red Button

Honestly, it saddens me how many people imply that they would automatically put their partners before their families.

My family are not perfect. But any man who would ever feel himself entitled to come between my family and I, is not a man I would ever ever want to become involved with.

fungun

One thing no one has mentioned is that your brother reporting your husband is not just an attack on your husband - it is an attack on you and your children (if you have any) as I assume this business is your families income. The problem is that this issue has not been dealt with properly.

I dont know the details behind your brothers report but if it was petty and just a barb at your husband then I really think you (as the person who wants to interact with both of them) need to be the mediator in order to sort this out properly and get apologies made or whatever. Otherwise you will end up caught in awkward situations like this time and time again - I think the focus needs to be not so much on the wedding as this is just the specifics - the problem is their relationship.

My two cents - if it really was your income, and your brother was being completely petty with the report....then i could understand your husband feeling a lack of support from you if you never had a go at your brother over it. If it was more a communication issue with fault on both sides, then your husband needs to realise this and be a bit more understanding.

Sephiroth_dude

This stuff annoys me "you can't go to your brothers wedding"who the hell does he think he is telling you,you can't go to your brothers wedding?go to your brothers wedding and let him have his little strop.

jimmycrackcorm

BattleCorp wrote: »

What a crock of sh1t the above suggestion is. Fcuk his decision, it isn't his decision to make. If you want to go to the wedding, then go. You are an adult, his wife, his equal and therefore you don't have to do anything he tells you to do.

As a little kid would say, "You're not the boss of me".

I say go if you want to.

Re-read my post. I did not suggest that the op do as the husband says, only that she respect his decision to not attend due to their history but that he cannot force her to follow suit.

As a little kid would say... If you cannot read the post, don't reply!

LegacyUser

chatterpillar wrote: »

Honestly, it saddens me how many people imply that they would automatically put their partners before their families.

My family are not perfect. But any man who would ever feel himself entitled to come between my family and I, is not a man I would ever ever want to become involved with.

I find it sad how some people do not view their spouse as family.

My family too is not perfect but if I had a relative that did something as despicable as that to my spouse....hell yeah.....I would choose my spouse over my family.

When I got married I am creating my own new family. This doesn't mean that your biological family is no longer in the picture but it definitely means that I will support my spouse when someone in my bio family does something wrong to harm them.

OP, it is not fair at all that you were made to be in this uncomfortable situation. All I can ask is what advice would you give a friend if they were going through the same thing? That probably will help answer your question.

blatantrereg

Tell your brother to apologise to your husband. Go if he does. Dont go if he doesn't.

If he does, then you can go without your husband feeling disrespected or like he hasn't been considered. If he doesn't, then dont go, but have peace of mind that you put it up to your brother, not that you snubbed him.

doyle61

All I can ask is what advice would you give a friend if they were going through the same thing? That probably will help answer your question.[/QUOTE]



best advice give so far in the whole thread;)

Ickle Magoo

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