What to do ???

yourdeadwright

Ok i'll make this quick,
I broke up with my girlfriend of 6 years about 6 months ago, now we still get along ,speak about twice a week and maybe do lunch once a month ,we kinda just fell outa love but still are freinds,
But in or most recent chat she asked me not to go to a certain night club next weekend cause she will be there with a bloke,
What do i do ????
Its place i would go a lot but She never goes there even when we where together, should i go out of my way not to go now ? or just go away, or will she think im following her ???
I dont care that she has moved on i respect its her choice, but it kinda caught me off gaurd with her telling me, As i have moved on myslef but have not told her as i see no piont in telling her,
I just wonder should i just go there as i would on a normal night or try to aviod her ???

silly

I think you should just say to her that you are not sure what you are doing that weekend, but that you dont mind that she has moved on and that she shouldnt feel awkward if you do end up going there.
ye seem to be pretty adult about the whole break up, so why change that now..

P. Breathnach

First, the fact that she is going to a night club that she used not visit is no biggie: it might be that her new bloke likes the place.

Second, she might feel inhibited with her bloke if you are in the vicinity (or she might think that he would feel inhibited).

Do her a favour: give her the space for now (she might be building a relationship). Ask her to recognise that you will not give it up indefinitely.

yourdeadwright

Firstly Im delighted that everything has been dealt with like adults and we do get on,cause there no piont falling out just becasue things didn;t work out as we never did anything worng on each other,
But i still have a question of why of all the places does she decide to go to one where i go now its in the City centre so there is 100's of other options, Is that weird or am i over thinking things ??
Also not sure if it makes a difference but she did text me late one Saturday nite a few weeks ago, i never replied and never brought it up in conversation

MissFlitworth

yourdeadwright wrote: »

But i still have a question of why of all the places does she decide to go to one where i go now its in the City centre so there is 100's of other options, Is that weird or am i over thinking things ??

Maybe the guy regularly goes there? Maybe her friends want to go there? She could just be looking to rub your face in the new relationship also but the only way to find out would be to ask her and she'd hardly be honest if that's what she's up to That sort of question is better off as one of lifes mysteries!

Herrick

If you have moved on, say you won't be avoiding any place just because she will be there. Tell her you couldn't care less who she will be with.

Did she break up with you OP? I mean, do you think she's genuinely telling you this in case it would hurt you to see her with another fella or does she just assume your still pining after her?

P. Breathnach

yourdeadwright wrote: »

... But i still have a question of why of all the places does she decide to go to one where i go now its in the City centre so there is 100's of other options...

Surely you could ask her, as you seem to get on fairly well.

Is that weird or am i over thinking things ??...

What's there for you to think about? She asked you for a favour. It seems obvious to me that it is a matter of psychological comfort for her or for the guy she will be with.

Are you feeling a bit territorial about this night club?

squonk

It's only one club and only one night. Go somewhere else or stay in with a good movie. If she starts asking you to avoid the place in the longer term then you can make an issue out of it but, really, it's a one time request for now so just go with it. Who cares why she's asking? You claim to have moved on, then act like it. Give her this one shot and leave it.

yourdeadwright

Thanks for the advice folks
i just had a convo with a house mate and he straight away thought she was going there to somehow annoy or try to get at me, so i said id come on here and ask the question, it helps to get feed back from women,

i didn't ask her because i suppose i didn't think it was my biz amd harmless till i my house mate

its not the club that matters ,it was the fact its the one place she'd no id be on a night out,


And for the record i broke up with her,

I'll give it a miss and wish her best of luck, i

Herrick

Guys why should he avoid the nightclub just because she asks? I mean they both have moved on, whats the need? Unless she is convinced the OP is going to get upset or something.

I'm not being smart, maybe I'm missing something you haven't? Do you not think its being a little dramatic on her part? If both have apparently moved on and are friends, I just have trouble seeing why she would need him to avoid the place.

Herrick

yourdeadwright wrote: »

Thanks for the advice folks
i just had a convo with a house mate and he straight away thought she was going there to somehow annoy or try to get at me, so i said id come on here and ask the question, it helps to get feed back from women,

i didn't ask her because i suppose i didn't think it was my biz amd harmless till i my house mate

its not the club that matters ,it was the fact its the one place she'd no id be on a night out,


And for the record i broke up with her,

I'll give it a miss and wish her best of luck, i

From this, to me anyway, it looks like she only told you this to get a reaction. Are you sure she isn't still interested in you? I think your flatmate has a point.

yourdeadwright

he thinks that cause only 2 weeks ago i got a text from her at 3 in the morning on a Saturday saying "hi what are doing" i didnt reply or bring it up , Now she has never texted me before like that and says she is happy with life now she is single, id imagine after 6 years if she did want me back she'd at least say something to me, as we always spoke about everything,
but i do find that its alittle odd she going where she knows ill would be cause id never bring the new lady anywhere id think she'd be just outa respect,
But i think ill still be giving it a miss this once , my friend suggested i just mention where i will go instead and see does she turn up ?

P. Breathnach

yourdeadwright wrote: »

... my friend suggested i just mention where i will go instead and see does she turn up ?

You haven't given us much reason to think that your ex is playing mindgames - even the 3am text is easily explained by her having had a drink or two and just sending you a good-natured greeting at a rather odd time.

It looks to me as if your friend - possibly with good intentions - is filling your head with strange ideas.

Look at what you are saying: she has told you where she plans to go and asked you to give her the space for that evening. So now you want to tell her where you propose to go and wonder if she might turn up there!

Are you and she friends, as you said in your first post?

silly

She could be invited out by friends to this club, or maybe her new guy goes there - or has asked her along to a friends birthday drinks or something...

don't over think it. and don't listen to your housemate...

davet82

my advice - dont be friends with ex's

sammye333

Op - i'm gonna go with Herrick on this one. The girl sems like she is still into you. I have had the 3am texts, and have sent them. Its not for a chat

Like the last poster also said -X's can't be friends , especially when you were going out for 6 years. You also mentioned that you broke it off with her. People say "lets be friends" when the relationship ends, but secretly one person is hoping that the relationship will start again.

I may be wrong, but hey, its just an OPINION

sammy

msg11

davet82 wrote: »

my advice - dont be friends with ex's

Have to agree with this, best way to save all this type of stuff is just cut all contact. Might seem harsh, but there is no way a new relationship can move on with your new partner knowing your still in touch with your ex. It's just not a good idea.

squonk

yourdeadwright wrote: »

he thinks that cause only 2 weeks ago i got a text from her at 3 in the morning on a Saturday saying "hi what are doing" i didnt reply or bring it up , Now she has never texted me before like that and says she is happy with life now she is single, id imagine after 6 years if she did want me back she'd at least say something to me, as we always spoke about everything,
but i do find that its alittle odd she going where she knows ill would be cause id never bring the new lady anywhere id think she'd be just outa respect,
But i think ill still be giving it a miss this once , my friend suggested i just mention where i will go instead and see does she turn up ?

OP, just stop listening to your friend. Are you happy being single? Can you earnestly say that you would not think of looking to get back with this girl?

@Herrick, it's a one time ask so whether she's concerned that the OP might feel hurt if she's showing off someone new in front of him, or whether she's a drama queen or just downright mental, just let her to it and go somewhere else for the night. Yes, OP has the right to go where he likes but some battles are not worth fighting and if it becomes a 'Listen, Club X is off limits longterm' thing for him because she says so, then is the time to have the battle over asserting your right to go where you like.

@OP, don't tell her where you're going. Stop listening to your friend. If you are happy to be split from her then leave it at that. If you're not then that's a different story but you need to either tell your friend clearly that what's over is over, period, or that you do want her back and ask what you should do. If the former is the case (as you say), then just tell him to back off with the stupid mindgames and leave it at that.

sbsquarepants

davet82 wrote: »

my advice - dont be friends with ex's

I have to say, this is pretty good advice.
In a perfect world we could remain friends with our ex's and it wouldn't cause any problems whatsoever, but in my experience it's just more hassle than it's worth. What do you gain by being friends with this girl? My guess is nothing at all, but what does it cost you - in terms of having to spend time pondering shít like this, possible jealousy issues on all sides, you, her and your new partners.
Asking you to avoid a club you frequent regularly? It's hardly asking for a kidney, but it is an imposition and what do you get in return for being put out? Nothing at all. If you're curbing her style, why doesn't SHE go elsewhere? If she doesn't want to rub your nose in it, why doesn't SHE go elsewhere? This is a mindgame, nothing more and nothing less. So with that in mind, why bother with this shít at all? It's a no gain situation for you.
Cut your ties and get on with your life. It's great that you aren't enemies, be thankful for that - but that doesn't mean you should be friends either.