Problem with Housemate

ascuteasabutton

Hi guys

Just loooking for some perspective on a small problem. Me and my boyfriend share a house with his friend. We have had no major problems so far except in the last 6 months our housemate has a new girlfriend. She lives down the country so only comes at the weekends which is no problem but she comes on Friday and stays til Sunday and as he works all day saturday and sometimes sunday she is left in the house all day and i'm finding it very uncomfortable at the moment. On 2 occasions I have had to leave the house and go to the library to get some study done! She also makes herself very at home, leaving a mess when she makes food, leaving shoes etc thrown around the floor,he has also had a key cut for her. I came home the other day to find her and her friend having tea in our sitting room!

Im not really sure how to approach this problem.Am I being unreasonable in saying that I dont want her in the house when he isn't there and that I dont think she should have a key unless she wants to start paying rent and in that case she can do whatever she wants!

djimi

Have you tried talking to him about it?

No I dont think youre being unreasonable. She doesnt live there; she has no right to be there when he is not, and she certainly shouldnt be brining her friends over when you and him are not there.

I would sit your housemate down (on his own, without the girlfriend present) and explain the problem to him exactly as you have outlined it above. If she wants a key, and a place to stay and entertain friends at the weekend then let her pay rent and contribute towards bills.

One question I will ask, and it may prove relevant to how much of a case you have, is how do you currently split rent and bills? You are living there with your boyfriend and his mate; are rent/bills split evenly three way, or do you charge "per room" so to speak?

ElleEm

Yeah, I wouldn't be impressed either.
He is out of order getting a key cut for her.

I would think it's okay for her to be around when he is but the fact that he is leaving her in the house while he is in work is ridiculous.

Have you spoken to her about leaving her mess lying around? IMO, that is something you should address with her. Then speak to him about her having a key and being in the house with her friend/ alone.

ascuteasabutton

djimi wrote: »

Have you tried talking to him about it?

No I dont think youre being unreasonable. She doesnt live there; she has no right to be there when he is not, and she certainly shouldnt be brining her friends over when you and him are not there.

I would sit your housemate down (on his own, without the girlfriend present) and explain the problem to him exactly as you have outlined it above. If she wants a key, and a place to stay and entertain friends at the weekend then let her pay rent and contribute towards bills.

One question I will ask, and it may prove relevant to how much of a case you have, is how do you currently split rent and bills? You are living there with your boyfriend and his mate; are rent/bills split evenly three way, or do you charge "per room" so to speak?

Everything is split evenly in the house 3 ways, there are 3 rooms in the house me and my other half share one he has one and the third is currently a walk in wardrobe for me as we all pay evenly we are all entitled to a room or am I totally wrong in thinking that
I said it in a joking way to him a few weeks ago in the hope that he would get the hint but it has only gotten worse :mad:

djimi

Nah thats fair enough; I just wanted to clarify that it wasnt one of those situations where a couple feel that they only need to split the bills two ways!

I say the only real course of action is to sit the housemate down and talk to him. Discuss your issues and take it from there. Whether he realises it or not he and his girlfriend are taking the piss more than a little bit and its not on. If she wants to live there part time and treat the place as her home then she should be paying rent. If she doesnt want to pay rent then she is a guest in your home and should act accordingly.

ascuteasabutton

djimi wrote: »

Nah thats fair enough; I just wanted to clarify that it wasnt one of those situations where a couple feel that they only need to split the bills two ways!

I say the only real course of action is to sit the housemate down and talk to him. Discuss your issues and take it from there. Whether he realises it or not he and his girlfriend are taking the piss more than a little bit and its not on. If she wants to live there part time and treat the place as her home then she should be paying rent. If she doesnt want to pay rent then she is a guest in your home and should act accordingly.

Cheers for that I just wanted to make sure I wasn't being unreasonable
At the start I kind of let things go as I thought this cant really be happening and that she would have the cop on to realise she is a guest in our house but she seems to lack basic common sense!
I have no issue with her being there when he is but im not at all comfortable with her being there when he isn't! I hate to think of someone I dont know having a nosey through my stuff!!! She seems to think as she is going out with him she has a right to do whatever she wants but it has recently transpired that her housemates have strict rules on people staying over and that is why she keeps coming to our house so I think it is time we got tough too :rolleyes:

ascuteasabutton

ElleEm wrote: »

Yeah, I wouldn't be impressed either.
He is out of order getting a key cut for her.

I would think it's okay for her to be around when he is but the fact that he is leaving her in the house while he is in work is ridiculous.

Have you spoken to her about leaving her mess lying around? IMO, that is something you should address with her. Then speak to him about her having a key and being in the house with her friend/ alone.

I have made it clear that I like the house tidy...I dont like living in a mess..I do about 90% of the cleaning in the house but it doesnt bother me as I would prefer that than waiting for the boys to do it and people coming into a mess!
I was really rude to her last weekend and this is so unlike me as I would never in my dreams be like that to anyone but I was so annoyed that I left and the place was spotless and came home and it was a mess! Im hoping that she might have realised I was mad over the mess!