still not happy

LegacyUser

Hi Im 19 weeks 3 days this pregnancy wasn't planned have 2 kids already and just cant get excited about this baby. It wasnt planned I really didnt want another baby yet if at all. Partner and family are over the moon for us but Im still not there yet. Feel really weird with this pregnancy as I haven't had any real happiness about it find myself having to force smiles when anyone asks about the baby.
Wearing a lot of baggy clothes to hide it from people that still don't know so I can have a conversation that isn't baby related. God I feel terrible about it because I should be happy but instead I just feel ashamed Im on the dole wanted to go back to college in september but thats out the window now had a couple of people say think of the childrens allowance which is just annoying the hell out of me that they actually think Im pregnant for the money!
Has anyone else felt like this? How did you feel happy about it?
thanks for reading.

Moonbeam

*hugs*
Speak to your gp about it you may have pregnancy related depression.
It is awful when a plan doesn't work out and when you have financial worries nothing is easy but hopefully college is only put off by a year and once baby is here things will get easier for you.

emmabrighton

Heya miserable cow, don't beat yourself up! I am sure there are plenty of people these days that find themselves in the same situation but are unwilling to talk about it because of the stigma they feel associated with not being excited about a pregnancy. I am a week behind you with my first. My partner is unemployed and only recently got unemployment benefit. I am the major breadwinner in the family and never even dreamed of doing anything but being a stay at home mom when the babies arrived until they were old enough to go to school. That wont even be an option now.

Because I didn't think my little surprise was any where close to being a reality, I had planned to sit the GAMSATS and return to do veterinary in UCD next September. Obviously, this wont be going ahead and wont for the foreseeable future - if ever! So, yeah, my plans have changed and at first, I really was unsure if baby was such a good idea at all. Especially, considering that I have been suffering from depression for the last couple of years.

But, all I really wanted to say was that university could still be an option for you. I work in UL and know that they do a distance learning certificate/diploma course which can be taken at your own pace. They do programs in Humanities and Sciences via distance learning so you don't have to rule out university straight away. Also, you can transfer to a degree program at the end of the diploma. I'm sure other universities do this too and know for a fact that the Open University has an excellent reputation for distance learning also.

Chin up girl!

LorraineMcFly

Hey OP i think i remember a similar post from you before? Please please first off except theres nothing wrong with you taking social welfare now, you will one day pay it back to someone else when your working. Im a taxpayer and 100% happy to help honest people who plan to better themselves in the future. You wont always be not working or in college. When the babies on his/her feet you can make all your plans again.
Its not nice being pregnant unexpectadly, but sometimes lifes throughs us curve balls. You have a partner and good family yes? and 2 lovely kids,. dont worry if your maternal instincts arnt kicking in yet, they will kick in. If your feeling down after the birth dont wait talk to doctor about post natal depression there are options that can help.
I feel your embarrassed to enjoy ur pregnancy cos you feel guilty over social welfare? Dont give a fig about it, take what you can and be proud. One day the shoe will be on the other foot, and at least you as a taxpayer will have humanity in you. So many people have a dusgraceful attaitude to welfare system dont be one of those.
Also i work and working mothers in here make the comment isint it great the bit of extra childrens allowance. Dont feel bad! your entitled to it hun. No harder job than being a top mom to 3 kiddies.

Ayla

OP - I dreaded getting preg after we had our first child. Not because of pregnancy, or labour, just because I didn't want another child. For me, I was terrified it would wreck the relationship we had with our first. I knew I was preg with #2, but I didn't want to get the test to confirm it, I put off the first GP visit and I sobbed like a baby when I finally went. It was horrible - my husband was thrilled we were having #2 and I was resentful.

It did eventually subside, but I never got the happy butterflies like I had with my first. It got to be more an acceptance than a excitement. But as the due date approached, I did grow attached, and the birth (and our second daughter) was and is just as special to me now.

Post natal depression is very real, but in your case, it would be Pre natal depression - not often talked about but just as real. It is ok to have the feelings you are, but for your sake find someone you can talk it out with.