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First 1K words of short story - feedback/criticism requested

  • 22-04-2012 1:52pm
    #1
    wavehopper1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 356 ✭✭


    For those who use the Write Club forum, I'd love some feedback on the first 1,000 words I posted of a short story in the mystery/suspense genre.

    I originally wrote it in a linear time line, but when I polished it up, I got worried about starting a story with a guy meets another guy in a bar. It's such a cliche in the mystery/suspense genre.

    So I switched to starting with the more interesting second scene, with two flashbacks to set the story. And now I'm worried it's incomprehensible :confused:


Comments

  • #2
    Achillles
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 66 ✭✭Achillles


    Please forgive my ignorance, but what is-or where can I find-this Write Club forum? If you want to throw up a link to the story I'd gladly take a look at it.


  • #3
    wavehopper1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 356 ✭✭wavehopper1


    Thanks for the kind offer, Achilles. The mod of this forum and of the write club forum very kindly ran his eye over it. Comprehensible but not very interesting was the verdict, and I agreed with him totally :o. I'd got so caught up with the structure that I forgot about the story.

    As for Write Club, the point is that as its a private forum, then if you post work there it's not considered officially published - unlike posting in this public forum.

    Having said that, it's so obscure that people don't know about it to use it. I stumbled across it via somebody else looking for feedback. I only know how to get to it by looking for posts by Pickarooney (the mod) - there's a link under his avatar. Then you have to click your heels twice and rotate 360.

    If you ever want to use it, you need to ask Pickarooney to set you up.


  • #4
    Achillles
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 66 ✭✭Achillles


    Haha thanks for that. Do I rotate clockwise or anti-clockwise? Or could I just run into a pillar 3/4 of the way between platforms 9 and 10 at King's cross station? Though it did hurt a lot the last time I tried that.


  • #5
    pickarooney
    Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 35,741 Mod ✭✭✭✭pickarooney


    wavehopper1 wrote: »
    Thanks for the kind offer, Achilles. The mod of this forum and of the write club forum very kindly ran his eye over it. Comprehensible but not very interesting was the verdict, and I agreed with him totally :o. I'd got so caught up with the structure that I forgot about the story.

    As for Write Club, the point is that as its a private forum, then if you post work there it's not considered officially published - unlike posting in this public forum.

    Having said that, it's so obscure that people don't know about it to use it. I stumbled across it via somebody else looking for feedback. I only know how to get to it by looking for posts by Pickarooney (the mod) - there's a link under his avatar. Then you have to click your heels twice and rotate 360.

    If you ever want to use it, you need to ask Pickarooney to set you up.
    You're being a bit harsh on yourself I think.
    BTW, the best way to get back to Oz quickly is to 'follow' the forum.


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