Is my job not good enough?

Chicken Mcnuppet Face

I was made redundant as a trainee accountant a couple of years ago. I spent a few months looking for another & when I couldn't find anything I took up a job as a nanny. I used to wake up feeling sick at the thought of going into work and now when I'm off for a couple of days I can't wait to go back to work. I don't earn a huge salary but I pay my rent & bills & run a car & also afford a holiday once a year & a couple of nights out a month.

I'm with my partner 5 years & he has what he would call a so called professional career. Whenever we have a row he always mentions that he is "doing something with his life" in some form or another. Which always makes me feel that what I'm doing is not good enough for him. He also asks me how I plan on getting a mortgage (I didn't know nannies couldn't get mortgages!) And how do I plan on having children (maybe you cant work as a nanny with children of your own!!)

When I get upset & ask him if that means if I keep doing what I'm doing will he not "settle down" with me he tells me that he will but we wont live in a nice house & I won't drive a decent car & our children won't have what they should have.

I've thought about going back to college to do something else but I can't think of anything else I want to do & the thought of going back to college makes me feel sick & sometimes keeps me awake at night!

Will my life really be that bad if I stay working as a nanny?

The Lovely Muffin

I am going to be very honest here - your boyfriend sounds like an arrogant snob.

There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with being a nanny. You have a job, a stable income, can afford to run a car, go out AND a holiday. As well as that you have a job you love.

Of course you could get a mortgage (within your means), of course you are doing something with your life, your children will have what the should have, and you can work as a nanny even with children of your own. Your life won't be bad if you work as a nanny. What does your boyfriend work at?

If I was to change anything, I'd get rid of that so-called-boyfriend and find someone who won't insult you and speak down to you the way he does.

He should be ashamed of his behaviour.

I would certainly not put up with such behaviour from a partner.

Missy Moo Moo

Chicken Mcnuppet Face wrote: »

I was made redundant as a trainee accountant a couple of years ago. I spent a few months looking for another & when I couldn't find anything I took up a job as a nanny. I used to wake up feeling sick at the thought of going into work and now when I'm off for a couple of days I can't wait to go back to work. I don't earn a huge salary but I pay my rent & bills & run a car & also afford a holiday once a year & a couple of nights out a month.

I'm with my partner 5 years & he has what he would call a so called professional career. Whenever we have a row he always mentions that he is "doing something with his life" in some form or another. Which always makes me feel that what I'm doing is not good enough for him. He also asks me how I plan on getting a mortgage (I didn't know nannies couldn't get mortgages!) And how do I plan on having children (maybe you cant work as a nanny with children of your own!!)

When I get upset & ask him if that means if I keep doing what I'm doing will he not "settle down" with me he tells me that he will but we wont live in a nice house & I won't drive a decent car & our children won't have what they should have.

I've thought about going back to college to do something else but I can't think of anything else I want to do & the thought of going back to college makes me feel sick & sometimes keeps me awake at night!

Will my life really be that bad if I stay working as a nanny?

Hi OP,

If you don't mind my saying so, your OH sounds incredibly rude. If you love your job and have enough money to afford what you need to be able to and have enough money for a few nights out and one holiday a year, then as far as I am concerned, you have struck gold.

You're lucky you enjoy what you do and have a comfortable existence. Retraining and putting yourself through an expensive college course to get a bigger salary is not a guarantee of happiness. Looking forward to going back to work after time off is a great thing! Not everyone can say that.

Next time your boyfriend makes a comment about doing nothing with yourself, remind him that you are looking after kids which is an incredibly rewarding and meaningful job. I would be telling him in no uncertain terms that his comments are extremely rude and unwelcome and if he wants to continue in a relationship with you, he needs to zip it.

Having said that, if you really want to retrain, could you look at doing something with kids since you obviously enjoy it- primary school teacher for instance?

Curry Addict

just my opinion but your partner is a materialistic asshole. he is also being mentally abusive to you.
if hes going to sit on the high chair he should be backing this up with a big salary that goes with "doing something with his life"and not be badgering you.

its not that difficult to earn the big money if hes good enough

P. Breathnach

Which would you rather be: an unhappy accountant earning good money, or a happy childcare worker earning modest money?

If he wants a different partner from the one that you happen to be, tell him to go find one.

If I were your boyfriend, I would rather you be in a job that paid little money but made you happy than you being stuck in a job you hated that paid good money. It's never what it's about - happiness should always, always come first.

Be||e

As a trainee accountant myself, I just wanted to say that I envy you having a job that you look forward to going to.

We spend too much of our lives in work to justify staying in a job you hate. (I'm planning a career change as soon as I'm qualified!)

What exactly does your partner consider "doing something" with your life to be? Sitting in an office for 8 hours plus every day, number crunching - is that really doing something with your life?

Maybe the reason you look forward to going back to work when you are off is because your life at home is not so great?

If you do decided to go back to college, please do it for yourself and not to please your partner. I think you need to sit down with him and make him realise how hurtful his comments are. If he loves you, he should want you to be happy.

HJL

Chicken Mcnuppet Face wrote: »

he tells me that he will but we wont live in a nice house & I won't drive a decent car & our children won't have what they should have.

Most people with 'nice' houses are in negative equity and most people with a 'decent' car have big car loans. Although im not sure what a decent car is, probably a fresh number plate and nothing more going by what he sounds like.

Any accountants I know all hate their job and want out of it. I think your worser half is jealous that you actually like your job and he probably hates his, and feels the need to have a bigger house or newer car to make up for his feeling of self hatred.

You sound like a much better person than your other half.

All IMO of course.

Wompa1

My girlfriend is currently unemployed, she was working a few hours a week in a few jobs over the year. It didn't bother me in the slightest but then success is not a pre-requisite in a partner for me.

I've been encouraging her to enjoy her new found freedom and that she'll be working soon enough and won't have as much free time to enjoy herself. If I was with somebody who wanted to do a job that didn't pay well but covered their own living expenses and made them happy, I'd say go for it.

If your b/f wants an expensive house he should work harder and make more money to buy it for himself rather than relying on you to pay for his dream

thefeatheredcat

The only thing that matters when it comes down to it with jobs and careers is whether or not you are happy and fulfilled while making the most of your skills and talents and tapping into your potential.

It's possible that he does see potential in your talent for accountancy and is sour that you're not pursuing that aspect. But everyone has many talents, skills and potentials and really the one to pursue is the one that gives fulfillment and makes you happy. Being a nanny could also open up other routes and ideas and inspire you in ways that accountancy never could have.

If his main concern is affording a specific type of lifestyle, playing up to his expectations of what success is or to other people's expectations and standard of what success is then he has a problem. There's a difference between affording a roof over your head, food on the table and clothes on the children's backs and what size the roof is, what brand of food you eat and what labels the children wear or indeed, the prestige factor. Same for cars. BMWs, Lexus, those cars are traditionally, all status symbol cars a physical outward representation to what your salary is.

If to him that success equates to the amount of money you make, having letters before or after your name and the lifestyle you live, and your ideals of success is different (in that success = job well done and makes you happy) then there's a lot more to talk about in your relationship than whether your job is good enough or not in his eyes.

What matters is whether you're happy in your job or not and that you are proud of what you are doing. He should love you for you, for what makes you happy as a person regardless as to what job or career you have. Accepting anything less is leading to him not respecting you for your choice of something that makes you happy.

HJL wrote: »

I think your worser half is jealous that you actually like your job and he probably hates his, and feels the need to have a bigger house or newer car to make up for his feeling of self hatred.

HJL has a point here - in that your partner possibly is jealous of whatever happiness and reward you get from your job. What does your partner do? And is he happy in his job, reaching his potential, getting the most out of it, moving up? Sounds like if all is not rosey in his job then he's taking out whatever insecurity he has and self esteem issues out on you in relation to your job to make him feel a little better about his own. Belittling your job to make his job seem better by comparison and thus feel better within himself.

bouncebouncey

I can't add much to the posts I've already 'liked'

Long story short.

Your job is no hindrance to a happy and fulfilled life. Your arrogant, stuck up his own a**e, materialistic, idiot boyfriend is another matter entirely.

He just doesn't sound pleasant at all.

dellas1979

Yeah - would be interesting to know what job he does. What does he do OP?

ElleEm

OP, looking after children, IMO, whether as a parent, teacher or childcare provider is one of the most important jobs you could ever do.

Your partner is focusing on the unimportant bit of your job, which is that the money may not be as good as it would have been if you had continued with the accountancy.
Obviously the money thing is really important to him, and he equates that with being successful. That's all well and good, as it's HIS opinion, but the fact that he belittles you during arguements about it is fairly disgusting.

I have worked as a nanny over the years and it's so rewarding. Every day is different and you are using the creative part of your mind that most of us grow out of. You are doing a great job and if you enjoy it, then that's the main thing.

As a society, we spend far too long in our work. If you are doing something you enjoy, then you are already better off than most people.

Daisy M

I had a job years ago that I hated but it paid well with overtime and bonuses. Workers were treated terribly and the work was manual and difficult you literally didnt have time to pee!! I left with much relief when I became a stay at home mum. I can honestly say the thought of returning to work filled me with dread so I put it of. In the last couple of years I returned to work part time and what an eye opener it has been! I have had 2 different jobs and loved them both. I never dread going to work am not constantly watching the clock and I enjoy it. Been happy in your place of work is so important dont let your boyfriend undermine you or make you feel not good enough, I cant imagine been with someone like him is good for your self confidence.

Chicken Mcnuppet Face

He is an engineer and says he loves his job

ElleEm

Chicken Mcnuppet Face wrote: »

He is an engineer and says he loves his job

And you love yours. That should be where that conversation ends.
He should be glad that you are happy.

dellas1979

AH jeepers I thought you were going to say rocket/NASA scientist or something the way he is going on.
A job is a job - if you get satisfaction from your job, and are happy, then tell him this. You are raring children. Im sure he had a mother who rared him to become this engineer. Id put it to him this way, unless he has a lack of respect for his mother.

sammye333

Op. Your BF sounds like a complete and utter dick. Hundreds of thousands of people are unemployed and you are fortunate that you were able to find work outside your chosen profession.

Would he be happier for you to be on the dole as an unemployed trainee accountant? You went off and found employment that helps pay the bills (and your happy).????? GOOD FOR YOU!!!

What about loving the person for who they are, not what they do.

It sounds like there could be other reasons why he is been an a$$ to you.

Best of luck, you deserve better:o

sammy

Dudess

A nanny is a good job. It's great you enjoy it. I think as someone said, it would be a good idea to study something like childcare too in order to maximise your potential and scope, and other opportunities for you down the line. Could be exactly the career area for you.
Working with children is disgustingly maligned in this country - people don't seem to think for a nanosecond about the responsibility it entails. I know a girl in London who is a nanny and only has to work six months a year in total, and gets paid 42 grand and a lovely flat! :eek:
Now she's obviously working for a rich family but it goes to show you how much better regarded this role is merely across the channel.

Personally, I don't earn major bucks but I absolutely love my job after being in work I hated or just felt "meh" about for years, some of which was far better paid than now. The feeling of finding happiness in this major part of your life is second to none.

I am a friend

Is he a bully / dismissive of you in other areas of life? I doubt he picks on you just about this one thing?!?!

LegacyUser

I read this and needed to reply. I was in the same situation as you OP years ago. My boyfriend belittled my profession because of the pay and aspects of the job. He even went as far to convince me that the work that I do people look down on because of low social status. He was an engineer, full of himself and indeed miserable at his job. I am a nurse that still loves my job and wouldn't switch it for anything else. Reading your thread reminded me of him and the comments he made about my salary, not able to afford a mortgage and nicer car.

If you decide to go back to uni OP, only do it for yourself. Changing careers is not going to change him. I would be inclined to think that he would find something else he isn’t happy about and nitpicks on that. What your bf is doing is a form of sabotaging and emotional abuse. He complains about how little you make and tries to make you feel at fault about it. Even though he states that he wants to be with you and settle down he continues to make you feel responsible because you will not be able to afford a certain living standard and provide a certain life for the children. What a ****ty thing to say to somebody! If you do end up marrying him, he will treat you as a financial burden. It hurt me so much when my ex referred to me as his liability gf to his friends and family. When I finally left him it took some time to get over the humiliation whenever someone asked what I did for work.

If you’ve expressed to him that you are content with what you do and comfortable and happy with the lifestyle it affords you then I am beginning to think there are two issues. One he is an inconsiderate asshole and two you are not both compatibility. We have different standards when it comes to how we want to live our lives. For him he wants the nice car, bigger house, certain lifestyle that can only happen with a specific salary. If these things are important to him, he would be better off with somebody who feels the same way.

As for you, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a nanny. The majority of people I know and met in my life who works a job they love are not doing it for the pay. They do it for personal and emotional fulfilment and happiness. I met many who work in my field that used to be accountants, worked in banks/investments. And I know some who switched from my line of work to work in an office. We are all different and what is important is to find something that suits our personalities and what we look for in life. My best advice to you is finding someone else who feels the same way you feel about being happy with work and quality of life. Life is too short to be with someone that belittles you and makes you feel worthless. That is not love OP, that's abuse.

Beruthiel

Chicken Mcnuppet Face wrote: »

I used to wake up feeling sick at the thought of going into work and now when I'm off for a couple of days I can't wait to go back to work. I don't earn a huge salary but I pay my rent & bills & run a car & also afford a holiday once a year & a couple of nights out a month.

What more could anyone asked in life?
I've always been of the opinion that if you can put a roof over your head and food on your table, what you do for a living doesn't matter a jot.
You're happy being a nanny. There are many, many people out there who hate their jobs, who hate what they do for a living, who hate the stress and pressure.
You have managed to find something you love and can live on the wages provided. You are so very lucky.

Your b/f has screwed priorities, it's all about the money to him. Pursuit of money never made anyone happy.
Seems to me that you have already found the right balance for you.
Unfortunately, you'll have to find yourself a b/f who understands that.
This one doesn't.
His outlook on life is ugly.

Remember, the secret to a great life, is happiness.

Sleepy

OP, the guy's a dick, ditch him, but he may have a point in regards to the possibilities for your career after you have children of your own (if indeed, you want to have kids). Would your salary bring in anything after you paid childcare for a couple of children of your own? I'm not familiar with the sort of money a nanny makes but if it's anything similar to what crèche workers make, I'm guessing not...

Now, if you like the idea of being a stay-at-home mother and found a partner who valued the benefits of that and was happy to be the sole-earner (as I and my fiancée are tbh) that's all well and good.

If you want to have a career after having your own children though you may find your options rather limited (the only job I can think of to fit that scenario is that of a child-minder in her own home. Nothing wrong with that but I think many of us find a benefit in "going out" to work. You love what you do so if you're that way inclined, look into your options to take it further: e.g. I know there's a diploma in crèche management, could you see yourself running your own crèche at some stage? If you're not that way inclined, that's cool, just ditch the materialistic dope (either way tbh!).

Emme

OP, if you stayed with your high-flying engineer :rolleyes: and went back to accountancy, had the "nice" house, "nice" cars, "nice" holidays etc. who would look after your children when you both went out to work for this?

A nanny!

He is being ridiculous. As your partner his first concern should be for your happiness, not a high earning job you hate that fits in with his bourgeois fantasy of an upper-middle class lifestyle.

I've dated a few engineers, and some of them were very short on emotional intelligence.

Keep the job that makes you happy, and think about whether you want to keep the engineer boyfriend.

Beruthiel

Sleepy wrote: »

Would your salary bring in anything after you paid childcare for a couple of children of your own?

As a nanny, could she not take care of her own children at the same time?

vard

Chicken Mcnuppet Face wrote: »

I was made redundant as a trainee accountant a couple of years ago. I spent a few months looking for another & when I couldn't find anything I took up a job as a nanny. I used to wake up feeling sick at the thought of going into work and now when I'm off for a couple of days I can't wait to go back to work. I don't earn a huge salary but I pay my rent & bills & run a car & also afford a holiday once a year & a couple of nights out a month.

I'm with my partner 5 years & he has what he would call a so called professional career. Whenever we have a row he always mentions that he is "doing something with his life" in some form or another. Which always makes me feel that what I'm doing is not good enough for him. He also asks me how I plan on getting a mortgage (I didn't know nannies couldn't get mortgages!) And how do I plan on having children (maybe you cant work as a nanny with children of your own!!)

When I get upset & ask him if that means if I keep doing what I'm doing will he not "settle down" with me he tells me that he will but we wont live in a nice house & I won't drive a decent car & our children won't have what they should have.

I've thought about going back to college to do something else but I can't think of anything else I want to do & the thought of going back to college makes me feel sick & sometimes keeps me awake at night!

Will my life really be that bad if I stay working as a nanny?

I detest people who judge others based on what their job entails and measure success or ability based on income...

It's an entirely personal thing. If you are comfortable and enjoy your job then sit pretty. If, though, you feel as though you have other aspirations; might like to follow a different path or look towards different goals and achievenents then you then, yes, your job is not good enough. By what you have described though it sounds as though you are perfectly content and fulfilled in what you are doing now. That being the case, I say you keep on doing it.

Sleepy

Beruthiel wrote: »

As a nanny, could she not take care of her own children at the same time?

I've never been able to afford a nanny but it's my understanding that typically they take care of children in the child's home rather than their own and in some cases work far beyond the typical 9 to 5. Is that not the difference between a nanny and a child-minder?

While it's fairly straight-forward to take care of your own children at the same time as being a child-minder I wouldn't have thought it was the norm for a nanny to bring her children along with her. Maybe I'm totally wrong and I'm open to correction on it?

squonk

Hi OP. I'm an engineer . I've had a couple of different types of jobs in the engineering line. A few I liked but an awful lot of them I could have taken or left and one or two I downright hated. I'm not in a job that I really like and there is nothing that can compensate for that. Being happy is a great thing and it makes such a difference in life.

What puzzles me about your bf is why he's still with you if he thinks you are underusing your potential and he's not going to get what he really wants from the both of you bing together? He sounds like a complete asshole to be honest. Presumably he's on a decent enough salary if he's an engineer and I don't know why he's not seeing that you could mind kids of your own, while getting paid to mind kids for other people also! Most people I know are paying out another mortgage to a childminder to look after kids while both parents work. I never saw the point of that myself.

The guy needs to cop on or get lost. If he's not mature enough to realise that highly paid doesn't always equal highly satisfied, then he isn't much of a BF. The fact that he belittles you and what you do is beyond excusable. Presumably he knew how the accountancy made you feel when you were going out first, and could see the change in you that doing something you loved brought? Seriously girl, just move on. What he's at is a major No-No in my book and I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.

curlzy

I agree with your boyfriend . . . NOT!!! For god's sake use your good sense and dump his ass and find yourself a nice, supportive, not snobby man who'll celebrate the fact that the one he loves is in a job she loves.

Best of luck

The Corinthian

If you've been living with your partner in a committed relationship for five years you can inform him that your career is not that important, as you're now covered by cohabitation legislation which gives you the right to claim maintenance from him and a share of his assets.

If nothing else, it should shut him up on the topic.

Emme

The Corinthian wrote: »

If you've been living with your partner in a committed relationship for five years you can inform him that your career is not that important, as you're now covered by cohabitation legislation which gives you the right to claim maintenance from him and a share of his assets.

If nothing else, it should shut him up on the topic.

I don't think this would be a good idea unless she wants him to do the dumping for her. Then again...

boobar

Chicken Mcnuppet Face wrote: »

I was made redundant as a trainee accountant a couple of years ago. I spent a few months looking for another & when I couldn't find anything I took up a job as a nanny. I used to wake up feeling sick at the thought of going into work and now when I'm off for a couple of days I can't wait to go back to work. I don't earn a huge salary but I pay my rent & bills & run a car & also afford a holiday once a year & a couple of nights out a month.

I'm with my partner 5 years & he has what he would call a so called professional career. Whenever we have a row he always mentions that he is "doing something with his life" in some form or another. Which always makes me feel that what I'm doing is not good enough for him. He also asks me how I plan on getting a mortgage (I didn't know nannies couldn't get mortgages!) And how do I plan on having children (maybe you cant work as a nanny with children of your own!!)

When I get upset & ask him if that means if I keep doing what I'm doing will he not "settle down" with me he tells me that he will but we wont live in a nice house & I won't drive a decent car & our children won't have what they should have.

I've thought about going back to college to do something else but I can't think of anything else I want to do & the thought of going back to college makes me feel sick & sometimes keeps me awake at night!

Will my life really be that bad if I stay working as a nanny?

If you like the job the way you describe, don't even dream of doing something else.

It is a very important job to look after children. You make enough money to pay bills and have some luxuries as well, that's more than a lot of people.

Your OH sounds like he could do with taking a leaf out of your book and be happy with his /her lot.

Good luck to you

Beau

Hey, I think its important to take a time out and maybe look at it from the bfs perspective. As a guy who lives with his gf of 5 years who is unemployed, the pressures of money and thoughts of having to provide (for her and a possible future family) is starting to kick in. Maybe this is where he is coming from. Just something to think about.

Also as a matter of interest, does your boyfriend subsidise your current lifestyle at all?

Big Bag of Chips

Before we got married my husband was in a very good paying job... but was miserable. We had a manageable mortgage, so I encouraged him to leave his job if it was making him so unhappy. I was lucky to be in a stable reasonably paid job.

Luckily, the day he was going to hand in his notice he was made redundant, and got a small redundancy payment!

I supported him and paid the lions share of the mortgage and household bills, while he became a handy man! Doing odd jobs for neighbours etc.. very little money, but no stress and a happy, relaxed boyfriend was worth more to me than his share of the mortgage!

Now he is in a different, well paid job and I am a stay at home mother, "living off his money"!

In a relationship it's all about give and take and supporting each other and helping the other person to be happy.

If one side of a relationship makes the other side unhappy, what's the point of the relationship?! I consider my life too short to spend it being uneasy around someone.