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Find it hard to let things lie

  • 20-04-2012 7:41pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I have a bit of a problem. I'm in a relationship, and every now and then, things will happen and we might have a bit of a row or I might get a bit upset about something. That's normal, and we're always able to get past whatever it is. My boyfriend will apologise, and I'll forgive him and we'll move on as normal. Usually it's not even anything big, even though sometimes I can get quite upset.


    Now here's the problem. Often, even sometimes long after the thing itself has happened, I'll think back on whatever it was that upset me and start feeling upset and sometimes angry again. It's not quite that I'm holding a grudge, because I always forgive my boyfriend and would never hold anything against him. But I find it difficult to forget about the situations, and now and again will find myself thinking how bad it made me feel. I'd never bring it up to my boyfriend again if it wasn't a recurring issue, which it isn't 99% of the time. As I said, it's usually stupid stuff! I just can't seem to let go of things like that and end up upsetting myself if I think about them.

    So I suppose my question is how do I stop thinking about these things, or at least stop letting them bother me? It's not exclusive to the relationship either, really, I'll often think back on other situations with friends/family and feel angry all over again. It just seems to happen more with the relationship, for whatever reason (possibly more things that upset me, possibly things upset me more because it's the boyfriend, I'm not sure). Any advice is appreciated.


Comments

  • #2
    ihsb
    Closed Accounts Posts: 678 ✭✭✭ihsb


    I am exactly the same! I have been to counselling. Things like that help but I have not fixed it yet. When you know the answer. Let me know!


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    sunflower27 wrote: »
    Hi there

    I couldn't read and not post as you posted last night and are still waiting for a reply.

    You don't say what the things he does are that make you angry/hurt so without knowing that it is difficult to say the degree you are overthinking things (if indeed you actually are). Although as this is an ongoing patteern, it would seem the 'problem' as such is more likely yours.

    No-one is perfect and we all make mistakes. I am sure you have upset/hurt people in your lifetime - possibly without meaning to. Holding on to grudges (that is probably not the right word) or bad feelings is only affecting you and maybe that is something you should focus on.

    Have you considered counselling at all to to and work out why you are unable to let things lie? I would suggest it, purely because you should have a happy life, not be looking back on the past and rehashing emotions that have a negative impact on you.

    Make a real effort now to address this and good luck :)

    Thanks for the reply :)

    The problem most definitely is mine, like I said, it happens with other people as well, not just the boyfriend! I don't really want to get too much into the kind of things, but they are usually silly little problems.

    I know that nobody's perfect, and I never would hold these things against him at all, or bring them up again. It just upsets me to think back on.

    I have considered counselling for a number of different problems. It's not really an option at the moment but I do hope to go some time in the near future.


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