Boyfriend Checking His Ex Girlfriends' Facebook Profile

fee fi fo fum

This is why I hate social networking.

I found out that my boyfriend has been checking his ex girlfriends' profile on Facebook. He got himself caught out.

We've been together only six months and it was very shortly after he broke up with her that our relationship began.

We are very happy and have made many plans for the coming year and beyond already.

So what I really want to try and understand is what does this mean?

Does it mean he's not over her or is it human curiosity or something else?

I haven't addressed this with him yet , he doesn't know i'm aware of it.

Please advise. I feel sick.

SheFiend

Isn't it only natural that he may be curious about how she is keeping? i certainly wouldn't be suspicious of him for this reason alone. I broke up with my ex, no
way want to get back with him, and still check his page from time to time. Just curiosity really.

Idle Passerby

There is nothing necessarily wrong with him looking at her facebook page. Unless he's contacting her behind your back or you suspect he wants to get back with her, I think it would seem a bit over the top to confront him about simply browsing her page especially since your only together 6 months. It depends how long he was with her but if it was a few years and they're only broken up a short bit longer than 6 months its natural he still thinks about her and how she's getting on. I know its not a nice thought for you that he's thinking of his ex but its human nature and he's not doing anything wrong in that.

Herrick

He broke up with her, so I'd say its just pure nosiness. I think your worrying yourself over nothing. Have you never checked an ex's FB profile? Unless your like me and believe in deleting ex's off FB and that I guess.

But if he's is checking it obsessively its a different matter.

fee fi fo fum

Really appreciate the feedback.

Beginning to feel slightly better about it too.

Not for a second do I think he'd cheat on me with her, it's early days and we're very solid already.

And there is animosity there , she is very bitter about how they ended and has made life quite difficult at times.

Probably is just nosiness and I'm working myself over nothing very much.

Idle Passerby

fee fi fo fum wrote: »

Probably is just nosiness and I'm working myself over nothing very much.

That's probably all it is. If there's animosity there I can see how he could well be completely over her but knowing someone out there that you used to care about hates your guts could hold a morbid fascination. Id say its just idle curiosity on his part.

Herrick

fee fi fo fum wrote: »

And there is animosity there , she is very bitter about how they ended and has made life quite difficult at times

If she's causing grief maybe he's also checking in case she's posting sly digs about him too. I'm sure we have all seen at least one person do it via FB.

fee fi fo fum

Idle Passerby wrote: »

knowing someone out there that you used to care about hates your guts could hold a morbid fascination.

You're so right. I probably check the pages of people I dislike a lot more than I check my friends profiles.

Thanks so much wise strangers

Neyite

I have on occasion checked out the pages of the ex's that I would cross the street to avoid. Just sheer nosiness on my part. Maybe I'm hoping to see that karma has bit their ass finally.

I would gouge out my own eyeballs before I ever got back with them though, it's just curiosity, and I am totally happy and content in my relationship, and have considered myself the luckiest person in the world since I first kissed my partner.

The glee I had checking the FB page of a girl who stole a bloke I was seeing casually in my early twenties only to find that they married and he got really overweight, balding, and any good looks he had were long gone. It only left his personality, which was never much in the first place. :pac:

While it may be just mere curiousity i think your BF should concentrate on looking forward and not backwards.

There will always be residue of strong feelings left after a relationship ends regardless of how it ended. Rather than be caught up in the past he should focus on building a stronger relationship with you.

its the one thing i hate about Facebook. You end up looking up people that are out of your life with a while and they are normally out of it for a good reason in the first place.

You cant look forward if you keep looking backwards.

TheMonopolyGuy

SheFiend wrote: »

Isn't it only natural that he may be curious about how she is keeping? i certainly wouldn't be suspicious of him for this reason alone. I broke up with my ex, no
way want to get back with him, and still check his page from time to time. Just curiosity really.

Totally agree with this. As its something we oddly do. :P

But, from "time to time" is the best way to describe something thats natural. If however he is looking at her page once every week. Even more? :eek: ... yeah. that would be worrying.

kjl

Deleted User wrote: »

While it may be just mere curiousity i think your BF should concentrate on looking forward and not backwards.

There will always be residue of strong feelings left after a relationship ends regardless of how it ended. Rather than be caught up in the past he should focus on building a stronger relationship with you.

its the one thing i hate about Facebook. You end up looking up people that are out of your life with a while and they are normally out of it for a good reason in the first place.

You cant look forward if you keep looking backwards.

Look no offence, but you are not a guy. When guys break up with a girl he is normally fine and doesn't think the same way that a girl who breaks up with a guy would feel about it. For most guys there is a sense of freedom when they break up with a girl and certainly not residual feelings.

The guy is clearly just snooping to see what she is up too. No harm, no foul. The advice you are giving the OP is to put pressure on him to work on their relationship and let me tell you one thing, if a girl said that to me, I would think she was too possessive and get rid of her.

sammye333

hey Op.

I was just wandering how you found out he was checking his x's Face book profile. You said that he doesnt know you know, and you havent yet confronted him about it?


KJL, i am a guy and have a few serious relationships, each hurt like hell when it was over, Also know plenty of guys who hurt like hell when they broke up with their partners. I am not looking to drag this thread in an other direction but to say guys dont have residual feelings for their x partner is a little off.

sammy

kjl

kjl wrote: »

Look no offence, but you are not a guy. When guys break up with a girl he is normally fine and doesn't think the same way that a girl who breaks up with a guy would feel about it. For most guys there is a sense of freedom when they break up with a girl and certainly not residual feelings.

The guy is clearly just snooping to see what she is up too. No harm, no foul. The advice you are giving the OP is to put pressure on him to work on their relationship and let me tell you one thing, if a girl said that to me, I would think she was too possessive and get rid of her.

Err ....yes i am a guy and how would you know what each individual guy thinks about their respective relationship ending exactly? Your only referring to an outdated stereotype. maybe you can accept relationships that end but others dont as easily.
guys say they are ok about things and bottle things up but thats where the trouble lies.

from experience i just dont think its a good idea for anyone to look up FB profiles of ex's. I havent advised the OP to do anything but i cannot fathom why her other half wants to check an exs profile when he has a new girl in his life. it would make life alot more easier if he moved on and forget about the ex. just my opinion.

OldNotWIse

So delighted to see all the sensible posters on here saying, "I do that too, it's normal" I found out my gf of one year viewed her ex's fb prof a while ago and was really hurt but the general consensus that this is normal human curiosity has made me feel so much better.

Mackleton

Resurrecting this one as I have recently had the same problem.

We've been together almost a year and a half and I have recently found out, while innocuously looking for a link in Internet history, that my boyfriend has been looking at his ex's fb page on average once a week. They were together a year and a half and they broke up six months before I met him. With her dumping him in a particularly callous way. ( he flew to Australia to see her and when he arrived she gave him the "listen, we have to talk" spiel.)

long story short I'm pretty sure it hit him hard, and he later found out that she is now gay, which of course was bound to f*ck him up mentally. Initially in our relationship he had a habit of mentioning her quite regularly without realising it, and while I am patient and not the jealous type, I eventually had to ask him nicely to respect the fact that he is with me now and I was uncomfortable with hearing about her so much. To be fair it's not everyday that you learn that your ex has switched sides, and he admitted to feeling particularly used and fooled by her. So I am aware that it was not a normal break up and the psychological ramifications of it are bound to be greater than average.

What I am wondering is, is there a point where the page checking becomes too much. Frankly I am a very zen girlfriend and not at all jealous by nature, and I don't want to be the psycho female that is saying " I saw things in your history, explain yourself now.." But this situation is playing on my mind a lot and I can't decide whether to address it or not.

Is this excessive and should I be worried? Also, is it permissible to bring something up that I saw in his history? I want to respect his privacy, as I would expect him to respect mine, but this is hurtful, and maybe that's small and petty but I can't help asking myself "if he's happy with me then why is he doing this so often?"

Any words of wisdom would be appreciated.

Taltos

Mackleton - per our charter don't hijack another's thread and don't resurrect zombie (old) threads.

Your new thread is here: http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056907693#

Taltos