help: what are he's rights

bluesky12

Hi everyone

This Is my first time using this.. I am at wits end with a on going problem. I got involved with my boyfriend 2 years ago, He has a little girl now almost 5 years old. The mother of the child and himself have been over for now over 4 years.

From the start I have been very patient with the situation, My boyfriend has 50/50 guardianship, have been to court about times when we have her. And maintance has been sorted. All sounds good but behind it all, since I got in this relation ship, the mother of the child is not happy that her ex has moved on, has used the child as a weapon many a time, times have gotton so bad that simple things like toilet training has been sorted. I my self have took a week out of work to sort this problem out and was satisfied with the progress this little girl made only to go back to her mother to soiling herself again... the child has now shown signs of fear of going to the toilet.
this woman hasnt even esablished a bed time routine for her child, has the child going to bed the same time she does. But can sleep perfectly in our house.
We had a problem last year, when this woman decided to move away from her mothers house, the child became over weight and did little to no exercise under her care, I do work in the line of fitness and with my help with my boyfriend we continued with healthy eating and making exercise some much fun for her, shes coming back down to a safe weight for her age.

Recently we have found out that this woman began to sell from the house, counterfeit goods while the child is there. shown signs of increase drinking patterns and grandure ideas about moving to Austrailla, looking to buy a house ( with no job)

And finally put her car up for sale, so she can move away to a different county with the child to a place she know's no one, no support.
My boyfriend will not agree to this as she has proven that she cant even look after the child with support around her. we have her enrolled for school in our town.

The plans shes making are getting extreme, I am now 7 months pregnant and I am wondering if shes starting to lose it over this.

My question is: Can she up and go with child if she chooses? Has my boyfriend got a say where shes lives and school??? And if shes goes without permission, what are the consquences??

we are looking into everything else but for now What can we do??

Tom Young

forum charter does not allow for seeking of legal advice. Are you seeking advice?

Procrastastudy

Firstly go and get married!

Tell him to see a solicitor and try and keep your nose out of it as much as possible. They made the baby togeather its up to them to sort it out. Fair play to you for supporting him as you can but don't interfere in their "family".

bluesky12

I stay out even if she drags me in.. I want a good start to my family and I want his little girl to be apart of it.
I said the same thing to him, He doesnt want to take his daughter away from her and really wants to help, but she keeps pushing him and all the support away.

bluesky12

Tom Young wrote: »

forum charter does not allow for seeking of legal advice. Are you seeking advice?

No, just looking for common ground.

Dublin_Gunner

This is the wrong place to look for advice, and the rules of the forum state legal advice really cannot be sought.

You can however be pointed in the right direction (hopefully).

I've been through a very similar situation myself unfortunately - it's more common than people would have you believe.

First things first - if there is a genuine concern that this woman is a danger to he child that is in her care, your concern should be reported immediately to Social Services.

Dublin Child Protection Social Work Services

If enough evidence can be gathered that the child being in the care of the mother is not in the best interests of the child, he may have a case for applying for full custody.

Beware that any and all routes to resolve this issue will be long, tiresome, and emotional.

For yourself, try not to have any direct contact with the mother. There is no need, and she may use that to her advantage making the situation worse.

He must try to resolve the problems, and ensure the welfare of the child is paramount at all times before making any decisions on how to sort this out.

Good luck to you, this won't be easy.

But definitely report the mother if there are genuine concerns for the childs safety and welfare.

nowayjosie

bluesky12 wrote: »

Hi everyone

This Is my first time using this.. I am at wits end with a on going problem. I got involved with my boyfriend 2 years ago, He has a little girl now almost 5 years old. The mother of the child and himself have been over for now over 4 years.

From the start I have been very patient with the situation, My boyfriend has 50/50 guardianship, have been to court about times when we have her. And maintance has been sorted. All sounds good but behind it all, since I got in this relation ship, the mother of the child is not happy that her ex has moved on, has used the child as a weapon many a time, times have gotton so bad that simple things like toilet training has been sorted. I my self have took a week out of work to sort this problem out and was satisfied with the progress this little girl made only to go back to her mother to soiling herself again... the child has now shown signs of fear of going to the toilet.
this woman hasnt even esablished a bed time routine for her child, has the child going to bed the same time she does. But can sleep perfectly in our house.
We had a problem last year, when this woman decided to move away from her mothers house, the child became over weight and did little to no exercise under her care, I do work in the line of fitness and with my help with my boyfriend we continued with healthy eating and making exercise some much fun for her, shes coming back down to a safe weight for her age.

Recently we have found out that this woman began to sell from the house, counterfeit goods while the child is there. shown signs of increase drinking patterns and grandure ideas about moving to Austrailla, looking to buy a house ( with no job)

And finally put her car up for sale, so she can move away to a different county with the child to a place she know's no one, no support.
My boyfriend will not agree to this as she has proven that she cant even look after the child with support around her. we have her enrolled for school in our town.

The plans shes making are getting extreme, I am now 7 months pregnant and I am wondering if shes starting to lose it over this.

My question is: Can she up and go with child if she chooses? Has my boyfriend got a say where shes lives and school??? And if shes goes without permission, what are the consquences??

we are looking into everything else but for now What can we do??

You are about to become a mother yourself - you cant be sure your relationship with your partner will last - put yourself in this woman's shoes - would you like another woman (the new woman) to interfere into your life? would you find it acceptable? You keep referring to your partners daughter as the child quote from your post "Can she up and go with the child" your talking about a mother and her daughter! at one stage your partner was in love with her try to remember that - I get the impression your more bothered about it than he is???

Procrastastudy

bluesky12 wrote: »

I stay out even if she drags me in.. I want a good start to my family and I want his little girl to be apart of it.
I said the same thing to him, He doesnt want to take his daughter away from her and really wants to help, but she keeps pushing him and all the support away.

Maybe she doesn't want that and perhaps that's having a affect on her mental health; driving her to drink and effecting the care she is giving to the child?

I know this is more a case of playing devils advocate here but you need to let the courts set the rules based on what's in the best interestes of the child and return to them if it's not being obided by. Regardless you need a solicitor.

bluesky12

nowayjosie wrote: »

You are about to become a mother yourself - you cant be sure your relationship with your partner will last - put yourself in this woman's shoes - would you like another woman (the new woman) to interfere into your life? would you find it acceptable? You keep referring to your partners daughter as the child quote from your post "Can she up and go with the child" your talking about a mother and her daughter! at one stage your partner was in love with her try to remember that - I get the impression your more bothered about it than he is???

I totally under stand ur point, My first time posting and I just want my point across, If you had the full story I think Ud quickly understand my postition. I stand back for these two people to sort it out but its got nasty, I am looking for common ground to see if any one has being in this situation, I am helpless watching this tear my partners family up while this lovely lil girl is in a war.. I am not bothered, I am deeply concerned for all parties. the end of the day this little girl needs Both parents

Procrastastudy

I think the parenting forum may be more appropriate.

bluesky12

GCDLawstudent wrote: »

Maybe she doesn't want that and perhaps that's having a affect on her mental health; driving her to drink and effecting the care she is giving to the child?

I know this is more a case of playing devils advocate here but you need to let the courts set the rules based on what's in the best interestes of the child and return to them if it's not being obided by. Regardless you need a solicitor.

Thank you

nowayjosie

bluesky12 wrote: »

I totally under stand ur point, My first time posting and I just want my point across, If you had the full story I think Ud quickly understand my postition. I stand back for these two people to sort it out but its got nasty, I am looking for common ground to see if any one has being in this situation, I am helpless watching this tear my partners family up while this lovely lil girl is in a war.. I am not bothered, I am deeply concerned for all parties. the end of the day this little girl needs Both parents

Its commendable if you genuinely feel this way – but your wording suggests otherwise. You floor her as a mother – your description is of a delusional drunk – its real daggers out. I imaging this woman is at her wits end and needs help. I don’t think you really want to help her at all, do you? Underneath it all you know that if you did want to help you’d find a way - if not by direct contact then her by going through her family and friends you haven’t done that for the last two years.

MagicSean

He should get a solicitor and seek full custody. He should also go to the HSE in relation to her neglect of the child.

Zambia

She cant move here without a visa and from what you have said she wont get one.

Procrastastudy

Because the Irish are so well known for obeying immigration laws!

To be fair though if she moves illeglally with the child you'll have all kinds of courses of action.

nowayjosie

MagicSean wrote: »

He should get a solicitor and seek full custody. He should also go to the HSE in relation to her neglect of the child.

What happened to "Innocent until proven guilty" the replies to this original post are very pointed in the direction of - how to get her on child neglect etc... I really think the old saying is true - there really are two sides to every story!

rolly1

bluesky12 wrote: »

My question is: Can she up and go with child if she chooses?

Not legally, she needs the consent of your boyfriend who is the child's other legal guardian jointly. Under section 16 of the 1997 Non Fatal Offences against the Person Act if she takes the child outside of the country without his consent it is a criminal offence punishable on summary conviction with a £1500 fine or up to 12 months in prison see here

He should write a registered letter to her stating his refusal of consent to the removal of his daughter to australia. In the letter he should also quote the above act to explain that it is illegal to remove his daughter to Australia without his consent.

Child abduction prevention guide here along with Irish Central Authority contact details:

the Central Authority for Child Abduction

Department of Justice and Equality
Bishop’s Square
Redmond’s Hill
Dublin 2

Phone: + 353 1 479-0200
Fax: + 353 1 479-0201
E-mail: child_abduct_inbox@justice.ie (Queries/applications under the 1980 Hague Convention and Council Regulation 2201/2003 (Brussels II bis)

E-mail: internationalchildprotect@justice.ie (Queries/applications under the 1996 Hague Convention)

ResearchWill

nowayjosie wrote: »

What happened to "Innocent until proven guilty" the replies to this original post are very pointed in the direction of - how to get her on child neglect etc... I really think the old saying is true - there really are two sides to every story!

In family there are 3 sides to every story his, hers and finally the truth, which from what little I have seen in cases is often the victim together with the children.

nowayjosie

ResearchWill wrote: »

In family there are 3 sides to every story his, hers and finally the truth, which from what little I have seen in cases is often the victim together with the children.

Ok then maybe you are right, there are 3 sides to the story - but i still say innocent till proven guilty the original post was very cutting and cold if this poster is really just very concerned and wants this child to have both parents if that's the case where will she fit in???? for this to happen she would have to be out of the picture - and if this mother was as bad as she is being portrayed then why did the father or the other relatives not report this woman to the authorities - and even this poster came on to a forum after 2 years she says, surely they have all broke the law here?

ResearchWill

nowayjosie wrote: »

Ok then maybe you are right, there are 3 sides to the story - but i still say innocent till proven guilty the original post was very cutting and cold if this poster is really just very concerned and wants this child to have both parents if that's the case where will she fit in???? for this to happen she would have to be out of the picture - and if this mother was as bad as she is being portrayed then why did the father or the other relatives not report this woman to the authorities - and even this poster came on to a forum after 2 years she says, surely they have all broke the law here?

I did agree with your post, by saying the third side was the truth I was I think accepting your point.

nowayjosie

ResearchWill wrote: »

I did agree with your post, by saying the third side was the truth I was I think accepting your point.

Sorry you probably were accepting my point but you only mentioned the first bit and I'm very concerned for this child know there is the poster out there who says she's concerned about a child for the last 2 years and she has not called the police / social workers / or who ever - I'm just very touchy about a subject that suggests child neglect and the adult reporting this on a forum does nothing to stop it.

nowayjosie

bluesky12 wrote: »

I totally under stand ur point, My first time posting and I just want my point across, If you had the full story I think Ud quickly understand my postition. I stand back for these two people to sort it out but its got nasty, I am looking for common ground to see if any one has being in this situation, I am helpless watching this tear my partners family up while this lovely lil girl is in a war.. I am not bothered, I am deeply concerned for all parties. the end of the day this little girl needs Both parents

If you really believe this child needs both parents - where will you fit into this scenario?? you are pregnant for this man and you want him to unite with his estranged partner and their daughter? how will you feel if this happens? sorry I dont understand - why have you waited 2 years and not mentioned this to the authorities???

nowayjosie

bluesky12 wrote: »

I stay out even if she drags me in.. I want a good start to my family and I want his little girl to be apart of it.
I said the same thing to him, He doesnt want to take his daughter away from her and really wants to help, but she keeps pushing him and all the support away.

shame on you for your silence

ResearchWill

nowayjosie wrote: »

If you really believe this child needs both parents - where will you fit into this scenario?? you are pregnant for this man and you want him to unite with his estranged partner and their daughter? how will you feel if this happens? sorry I dont understand - why have you waited 2 years and not mentioned this to the authorities???

Maybe I missed something, while there may be examples of bad parenting, I don't think I saw anything in the OP about neglect, if I remember the allegations are, 1. Use the child to get at ex (happens a lot in family) 2. Toilet training issues 3. Sleep pattern 4. Child putting on weight 5. Mother allegedly selling counterfeit goods from house while child is there 6. Mother seems to be drinking more, 7 mother has grand ideas to move to Australia.

While the selling counterfeit goods is illegal, I don't think it goes to neglect. So what exactly do you think the OP should report and what should social services do. In fact the OP has attempted to toilet train the child, deal with irregular sleeping and while child is with her father the diet is more balanced and exercise is introduced in a fun way.

ResearchWill

nowayjosie wrote: »

If you really believe this child needs both parents - where will you fit into this scenario?? you are pregnant for this man and you want him to unite with his estranged partner and their daughter? how will you feel if this happens? sorry I dont understand - why have you waited 2 years and not mentioned this to the authorities???

Are you saying that any parent who enters into a new relationship, that the new partner can not have a positive imput in the child's life and not exclude the ex partner.

I don't think the OP want her partner to unite with his ex, she it seems wants him to have as positive an imput with both his child and his ex, as the OP seems to understand that no matter what they are all now stuck in this together.

nowayjosie

ResearchWill wrote: »

Are you saying that any parent who enters into a new relationship, that the new partner can not have a positive imput in the child's life and not exclude the ex partner.

I don't think the OP want her partner to unite with his ex, she it seems wants him to have as positive an imput with both his child and his ex, as the OP seems to understand that no matter what they are all now stuck in this together.

Maybe it’s me who is taking the OP wrong. But in the first post she did say the mother did not toilet train the child (ok lack of parenting skills not neglect) so she took time off work to do this – only to have the child soil herself when back with the mother and now this child is showing fear of going to the toilet (so this too may not be neglect but something nasty has to be happening to this child for her to be fearful and then soil herself)
Then she mentions that the woman has not established a bed time routine for the child and that she says “she has proven she cant even look after the child with support around her”. I take all of this to mean that this mother is unfit and neglectful. Maybe I’m taking it wrong but that’s the way it reads to me. I understand that selling counterfeit goods is not neglect, however it leaves the child in a very dangerous situation in her home where this dealing is going on as the counterfeit trade in Ireland is run by the same people who run drug gangs. You go on to ask me what exactly I think the OP should report – I think she should report her concerns about this child (all the concerns she mentioned in her first post) immediately to her GP and the GP will know what department to contact, I think she should report the counterfeit dealings to the Garda. The child cant report this - the father has not reported it and neither has any of his family, so the onus lies on her she is aware the child is not in a position to help herself so she should stop talking about it and act immediately. If she's told she has no grounds for concern by her GP then no harm done. You asked me what should the social services do, my answer to that is I simply do not know but if there are any reasons for concern I am sure they would act on it - you know I am just giving my opinion on it - I don't work in any of the services and I don't have any knowledge on child law etc.. so I don't understand why you would ask me what these qualified people should do. The relationship this child is allegedly having with the 3 adults in her life in not positive - the mother does not seem capable of taking care of her. Her father has not sought outside help and her fathers partner has lots to say but remains silent and does nothing to bring this to the attention of the authorities.

FreudianSlippers

Moved to parenting.

MagicSean

nowayjosie wrote: »

What happened to "Innocent until proven guilty" the replies to this original post are very pointed in the direction of - how to get her on child neglect etc... I really think the old saying is true - there really are two sides to every story!

The HSe investigate claims of neglect and the courts decide on who is the most suitable parent. Where do you think people get proven guilty?

nowayjosie

MagicSean wrote: »

The HSe investigate claims of neglect and the courts decide on who is the most suitable parent. Where do you think people get proven guilty?

I was using this as a figure of speech! Only making a point thats what forums are about.

smcgiff

nowayjosie wrote: »

shame on you for your silence

You may have your own issues to deal with.


To the op, best of luck and hopefully there's a happy ending. There seems little fear of the child being taken out of the country.

If you don't think the child is being cared for enough by the other parent you should seek help from the hse.

nowayjosie

smcgiff wrote: »

You may have your own issues to deal with.


To the op, best of luck and hopefully there's a happy ending. There seems little fear of the child being taken out of the country.

If you don't think the child is being cared for enough by the other parent you should seek help from the hse.

I don't have issues to deal with luckily - I don't understand why you would make a remark like that. I advised her to seek help just like you have.

Orion

Keep it civil please folks. We're all on the same side here.

Orion

OP: Can you clarify one thing. You don't get 50/50 guardianship - you either have guardianship or you don't. You get 50/50 custody. They are completely separate things and mean different things too.

If he has guardianship he has to give permission for the child to leave the country even on a holiday.
If he has court appointed custody she cannot emigrate with the child without the court's permission.

Either way he should see a solicitor and get proper legal advice on this. Based on your descriptions he may be able to apply for full custody but this is a long process with no guarantees.

If you feel the child is being neglected or abused (fear of going to the toilet could be a symptom of psychological abuse - even unintentional) you can and should inform the HSE and let them investigate it.

nowayjosie

Orion wrote: »

OP: Can you clarify one thing. You don't get 50/50 guardianship - you either have guardianship or you don't. You get 50/50 custody. They are completely separate things and mean different things too.

If he has guardianship he has to give permission for the child to leave the country even on a holiday.
If he has court appointed custody she cannot emigrate with the child without the court's permission.

Either way he should see a solicitor and get proper legal advice on this. Based on your descriptions he may be able to apply for full custody but this is a long process with no guarantees.

If you feel the child is being neglected or abused (fear of going to the toilet could be a symptom of psychological abuse - even unintentional) you can and should inform the HSE and let them investigate it.

Thank You - and I hope she takes the sound advice you've given to her.

bluesky12

We haven't remanded silent.. We have done alot up to this point.. My boyfriend in now again in talks with this woman. My fear is that this plan to move away, the woman needs all the support with rearing their child Like anybody. And to take the child out of an evirnoment where there is support to zero will not be good. I have mention before in the post that these issues are being looked after and things have been put in place. we just need to know is she allow to just up and go. The world I would like to see is an amicable relationship between my partner and this woman. Its all about improvement on all parts trust me, This little girl deserve the best and only the best.

So thank you for all your comments.

rolly1

bluesky12 wrote: »

We haven't remanded silent.. We have done alot up to this point.. My boyfriend in now again in talks with this woman. My fear is that this plan to move away, the woman needs all the support with rearing their child Like anybody. And to take the child out of an evirnoment where there is support to zero will not be good. I have mention before in the post that these issues are being looked after and things have been put in place. we just need to know is she allow to just up and go. The world I would like to see is an amicable relationship between my partner and this woman. Its all about improvement on all parts trust me, This little girl deserve the best and only the best.

So thank you for all your comments.

I have answered your query re emigrating to another country. She can stilll apply to court to emigrate legally. If this happens a legal argument against this is here .

If you are talking about her taking the child to another part of the country then this change would also have to be applied for in a court by her, as the present access order will have location details and times that are particular to the current arrangements.
If your boyfriend does not agree with the change in the child's residence in Ireland then state this to her and inform her that any unagreed change would have to be put before the court for their arbitration, as it will obviously mean a change in the current court access order. If she doesn't apply to vary the present access order in court and just ups and moves then your boyfriend can apply to court to enforce the access order, which again forces the matter of the move before the court to decide.

I would tell the mother up front that this is what he will do if she attempts to up and go.

Tom Cruise

Why would she want to move away if she is getting so much support here?
I can only assume there is more to this than meets the eye.Maybe she is only pretending to be moving as a stick to hit your boyfriend with and keep some power over him.He has to be nice to her or she will whip out the old i am moving card.

nowayjosie

Tom Cruise wrote: »

Why would she want to move away if she is getting so much support here?
I can only assume there is more to this than meets the eye.Maybe she is only pretending to be moving as a stick to hit your boyfriend with and keep some power over him.He has to be nice to her or she will whip out the old i am moving card.

I'd say there's much more to it - - as I said earlier there are two sides to every story

ash23

The key point in your post is that your partner, the childs father, doesn't want to take the child away from her mother.
You are ignoring that. He must see some redeeming qualities in her as her mother to be of this point of view because nobody would want their child mistreated.

If he as the co-parent trusts her to be a mother to this child then you have to support him in this. If he has guardianship, his ex cannot leave the country with the child without his permission.

Personally I think that you taking a week off to toilet train the child is too much and I'd be really annoyed if that were my child. Those are not decisions for you to make.
Those decisions are for the parents to make.

You might not like her style of parenting but ultimately you are not the childs parent. You play a supporting role and to be honest, you need to support your partner in what he feels is best for the child. At the moment he feels it's best to leave her with her mother.

nowayjosie

ash23 wrote: »

The key point in your post is that your partner, the childs father, doesn't want to take the child away from her mother.
You are ignoring that. He must see some redeeming qualities in her as her mother to be of this point of view because nobody would want their child mistreated.

If he as the co-parent trusts her to be a mother to this child then you have to support him in this. If he has guardianship, his ex cannot leave the country with the child without his permission.

Personally I think that you taking a week off to toilet train the child is too much and I'd be really annoyed if that were my child. Those are not decisions for you to make.
Those decisions are for the parents to make.

You might not like her style of parenting but ultimately you are not the childs parent. You play a supporting role and to be honest, you need to support your partner in what he feels is best for the child. At the moment he feels it's best to leave her with her mother.

I think you are spot on the father's lack of making a move to have the child removed from her mothers care (or lack of it) says it all. He seems happy to leave her with her mother - the OP is about to become a mother herself - and I am sure if her relationship were to end - she would not tolerate any interference into her way of bringing up her child by a new partner of her ex

Sleepy

Maybe the father is just realistic. Without evidence of neglect or abuse, a father stands no next to no chance of becoming the primary custodial parent in this country regardless of whether he happens to be better able to provide for the child or not.

Stench Blossoms

nowayjosie wrote: »

I think you are spot on the father's lack of making a move to have the child removed from her mothers care (or lack of it) says it all. He seems happy to leave her with her mother - the OP is about to become a mother herself - and I am sure if her relationship were to end - she would not tolerate any interference into her way of bringing up her child by a new partner of her ex

I agree with the above. I find it baffling that the OP took a week off work to toilet train someone else's child. Surely the father should have done this

I reckon Sleepy might have hit the nail on the head here. If there is no physical evidence of abuse then it would be very hard to prove this in court. The OP's partner is probably trying to keep the peace as well.

Sleepy

There's a serious problem in that the gap between abuse/neglect and poor parenting is massive.

Joint custody is the ideal imo but when you're dealing with a case where one parent is dragging the child up (without actually neglecting them), I'd lean towards awarding sole custody to the parent best able to provide for and parent the child regardless of their sex.

Unfortunately the defacto result of any custody battle in this country is determined by the gender of the parent unless abuse/neglect can be proven and shared custody is even difficult for most fathers to obtain.

Tom Cruise

bluesky12 wrote: »

. we have her enrolled for school in our town.
Has my boyfriend got a say where shes lives and school???

Well this is interesting.You have enrolled her in a school near you and now you ask have you got a say to do it.Did you consult the mother 1st??

Big Bag of Chips

If he has guardianship then his permission has to be sought before she takes the child out of the country. If he thinks it's likely to happen without his permission he can go to court, put his case forward, with texts etc as evidence of her intent and ask that she not be allowed hold his daughter's passport.

OP, to be honest, your attitude to the child's mother is quite bad. She obviously can do no right in your eyes. You don't even refer to her as the child's mother, or even your partner's ex. You refer to her as "this woman".

Sometimes when we don't like someone, we can see no good in them.

YOU took a week off to toilet train the child. Were you asked to do this, or did you take it upon yourself to do it? The only time an 'outsider' should get involved in parenting issues is when requested by the mother (if she is the primary carer) or both her and your partner (if they share custody). If you did not discuss it with her you were WAY out of line.

Going back to soiling herself and having a fear of going to the toilet for a period isn't uncommon. My eldest was toilet trained over a year when he become afraid of doing poo in the toilet... and I'm an excellent mother;)

You give out about her doing things without discussion with your partner or without his consent, but yet you have enrolled her in a school near you, I'm guessing without discussing it with her.. why is it ok for you, but not her?

I don't know whether it not she is as bad as you say, but you are very cutting in your opinion of her.

I agree with others, you seem more bothered by this than your partner. Maybe it's time to step back and trust him to make the decisions that he feels are best for his daughter. I agree with ash.. you are not her parent. She has 2 of those and ultimately it's up to them to raise her. It's up to you to support your partner in his role as her father, and accept decisions he makes.

You may find he asks your opinion from time to time, and you can give it, but can't force it if he decides on a different course of action to what you have advised.

Concentrate on you and your baby for the moment. You can't fix everything, and you really can't influence the actions of someone totally outside your control ie the child's mother. And trying will only end up stressing YOU out. You can be sure she's not as bothered about you as you are about her!

Edit: Another thing to consider is you could actually be the reason for all these threats from her. If it was my child, and I found out my ex's new gf was butting into things that didn't really concern her, I can't honestly say that I wouldn't take it out on my ex and threaten all sorts for allowing it to go on!

bluesky12

I have stood back, I didnt enrol her into school thats none of my business, they both decided which school to begin with, but over the past few weeks she has been trying to persue to dublin. My boyfriend and herself agreed that we wud try and help with the issue of toilet training, she also felt it was nice to have a lil break. I only stated out the problems we are going thru and hoping for an answer about moving away. My partner and herself need to work together, my worry was about this woman leaving, when something clearly wasnt right. My gut feeling was right, she had broken up with her fella(not my partner) and just wanted a quick fix out of the town. O
Now since that has blown over, they can concentrate on this lil girl.. all I ever want this lil girl to have the best from both worlds, I do support my boyfriend and defo at times understand with his ex. But as people stated, stand back which I do. Yes I am carrying a lil sibling for this lil and we are going to be all apart of it. My boyfriend and his ex didnt stay together as they didnt get on. He has moved on and does want the best for his lil girl. I hope some of ye can understand the worry that was put on boyfriend with these irrational thoughts, as his support I didnt know dat else that cud be done.. So I seeked out for some info.

Big Bag of Chips

Ok, its just in your first post you said "we" have enrolled her... I understood that to mean you and your partner.

You asked does he get a say in this... he already had a say. They both decided together to send her there.

The only other question you need to ask is does he have any rights to stop her moving away? The answer is yes. He can fight it in court.. but if she can prove that she is moving away to provide a better life for her and her daughter, and that she is prepared to make the effort to keep to the access order etc, then the judge may allow her to move to another county.

I doubt it will come to that though.

nowayjosie

bluesky12 wrote: »

I have stood back, I didnt enrol her into school thats none of my business, they both decided which school to begin with, but over the past few weeks she has been trying to persue to dublin. My boyfriend and herself agreed that we wud try and help with the issue of toilet training, she also felt it was nice to have a lil break. I only stated out the problems we are going thru and hoping for an answer about moving away. My partner and herself need to work together, my worry was about this woman leaving, when something clearly wasnt right. My gut feeling was right, she had broken up with her fella(not my partner) and just wanted a quick fix out of the town. O
Now since that has blown over, they can concentrate on this lil girl.. all I ever want this lil girl to have the best from both worlds, I do support my boyfriend and defo at times understand with his ex. But as people stated, stand back which I do. Yes I am carrying a lil sibling for this lil and we are going to be all apart of it. My boyfriend and his ex didnt stay together as they didnt get on. He has moved on and does want the best for his lil girl. I hope some of ye can understand the worry that was put on boyfriend with these irrational thoughts, as his support I didnt know dat else that cud be done.. So I seeked out for some info.

If you don’t mind me saying you seem no happier now than you did in your first post. Even though so many people have given you excellent advice. You seem to be defending the statements you made in your first post. I’m going to say something here and I’m taking a huge chance saying it but I have to ---- Some times new partners get totally pre-occupied with ex partners – I really think there’s a touch of that here. I think your obsessed with the mother of this child ---- you are 7 months pregnant – you should be preparing for this baby, getting a nursery ready at home buying a buggy etc…. thinking of names and all the normal things a 7 / 8 month pregnant woman does --- but instead of that you are ranting on about your partner’s ex and you’ve taken no-ones advice and and in my opinion you've been give great advice here. Your hormones are all over the place at the moment and if your not careful your going to miss out on the birth of your baby in a way because you seem totally immersed in your partners ex I really wonder have you reported her yet to the HSE??? I doubt it.

Stop – get a life – you are about to give birth – get your priorities in order – maybe your just hormonal – I don’t know but there’s one thing I do know – giving you advice is a total waste of time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You have sought information - the information has been given to you - you seem to ignore the answers

If I am wrong I will stand corrected - please state what steps you have taken to resolve the issues that you mentioned -- several posters gave you advice on what you could do if the mother of the child moved away, but you've just let it drift over your head and your still saying in your last post " I only stated out the problems we are going thru and hoping for an answer about moving away. My partner and herself need to work together, my worry was about this woman leaving, when something clearly wasnt right."The answer to your concerns have been given over the last 4 pages - are you reading the replies at all? This is why I really think you are hormonal!!!!!!!!!!!

Orion

nowayjosie wrote: »

giving you advice is a total waste of time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If that's what you think then stop giving any. Calling the OP names and telling her to "get a life" is neither helpful nor desirable on this forum. Attack the post not the poster. If advice is given and not taken then there's no need to labour it.

You've been warned once about keeping it civil already. You won't be warned again.

bluesky12

I am not posting up the actions my partner is taken. I have taken advice, passed it on and we are dealing with the situation. I am grateful for the advice but from here on in we are on the right road and making things right. You dont have to get completely caught up in my life.

Orion

Thread closed at OP request.