help or advice needed

confused321

I dont know am i in the right place ive never used this before so im sorry if i am,
Baiscally i need advice, Im 18 years old almost 2 years ago my step father commited suicide a week before my leaving cert,the following september my mother found out she had terminal cancer so i wasnt able to go to college because she needs constant care,i can talk to any of my family because they tell me im bein selfish but for the past year i feel so down all the time and im constantly dreamin of killin myself and everythin is just to much,im the primary carer of my mother now which i find quite unfair as she had me young and left me to live with my grandparents and contributed nothing towards my upbringing but the minute she gets sick i have to give up my life,she blames me constantly for the death of my step father she constantly puts me down calling me names and tells everyone im so useless anbd i dont do anythin even thou i really try my best,i went to the doctor about a year ago who said i was depressed but when i told my mother she said she wasnt lettin her daughter go on anti depressants so young,all the advice ive gotten from the internet tells me to talk to someone but i really have no one to talk too i dont want to tell my friends and my family just constatly take my mothers side,i have no money to pay for counselling even thou im not sure thats somethin id want to do because im waiting for carers allowance to come through and im told ill be waiting at least 10 months,I dont really know what im lookin for from people maybee i just needed a rant

Sorry for the bad spelling by the way.

dr.bollocko

Moved from after hours.

Hope you get some advice here OP.

Babybuff

Hopefully this thread will be moved to Personal issues for you OP. Hope you get the help you need there. I'm sorry for your troubles but you sound like a strong individual and you will come through it, but you need help and support right now.

Millicent

I'm really sorry to hear all that, OP. I know it seems dark now but remember that it's temporary--nothing bad lasts forever so don't even contemplate killing yourself.

It's a horrible situation to be in and I understand totally your anger at your mother. Can you defer college for a year or two?

confused321

Sorry for talkin about suicide so bluntly i really dont like people who use that word so freely but thats honestly how i feel,I dont wish anything horrible on my mother i do love her but her illness has taken over everyones like,as long as she is sick ill have to stay with her and recieve the carers allowance because i plan to give her half the money and she needs it,this could go on for years and years and i honestly dont want to think that this is what the rest of my life is goin to be like,i just dont know what to do.

Ickle Magoo

OP that's a hell of a lot to happen for anyone to process, never mind a teenager. You really do need to talk to someone in real life - and you need to speak to your doctor and listen to their medical advice. You are an adult, if you require medication then you should take it, irrespective of what anyone else, especially unqualified people, have to say on the matter.

If you need someone to talk to in the mean-time there are some numbers you might find useful HERE.

Unfortunately, we can't counsel you. We aren't allowed and we just aren't qualified - please contact one of those numbers and/or your GP.

All the very best.