Friend (Ex) Acting Odd?

LegacyUser

Well after no contact for a long time, an ex got in contact and we have being on good grounds since for the last half year or so.

We sometimes shoot some banter about our history. We don't hang out that often and nothing has happened since we got back in contact.

Recently though she seems to have a chip on her shoulder about something. Saying I was a shoite bf compared to others she has had since and that i'm a bit of an A-hole. I just laughed it off and shrugged, threw some banter back. Dunno what is up though as she seemed peed off rather then just joking around.

Can't understand where it's come from all of a sudden?

We're definitely not getting together again and she can hardly expect id be a totally different person as a friend..

Idle Passerby

She must have had a reason for getting back in touch either to be friends, to get back together or to vent some anger she's holding. Either way if you don't want to be friends with her you don't have to. And if she doesn't like you as a person she shouldn't be annoying herself by being in touch with you.

SunnyDub1

Hi op,

Tbh it sounds like your ex is still hurting and that's why she is acting the way she is.
She seems peed off cause she's still hurt , she might not admit it but she is.

Why do yous still hang out together ?
Yous obviously split for a reason , do you really think its a good idea to still be seeing each other ?

I think yous need time out ,Jmo but I don't think hanging out with an ex after Only 6 months of splitting up is not a good idea.

LegacyUser

Op again, to clarify we have being broken up for over two years! She got in contact with me over half a year ago to meet up and try out being friends. We had not talked at all since the break up until then..

We hang out once every few weeks. Usually a coffee or a few drinks, bit of banter and a catch up and that's that. Might txt each other during the week.

Seems odd timing to realise now that i'm not her cup of tea as a friend...

ihsb

I personally don't understand the whole friends with ex's thing. I mean friendly, yes, friends, no. I am just of the belief that you are not together for a reason and that is not something that is going to be fixed magically by the lack of sex in the relationship.

She is obviously hurting. The chances are she was harbouring hopes that you would have changed since you have been broken up and that you might be willing to try again. It seems that you are not, and have not.

You need to give her space. It might seem mean but it has to happen so she can get over you properly.

SunnyDub1

confusedop wrote: »

Op again, to clarify we have being broken up for over two years! She got in contact with me over half a year ago to meet up and try out being friends. We had not talked at all since the break up until then..

We hang out once every few weeks. Usually a coffee or a few drinks, bit of banter and a catch up and that's that. Might txt each other during the week.

Seems odd timing to realise now that i'm not her cup of tea as a friend...

She obviously got in contact with you for a reason ? And I'm guessing the reason is to be more then "just Friends". You sound like yous are still in some sort or form of a relationship.... Drink, "banter" texting .....


It seems odd timing cause she's prob falling for you again.
Why feel the need to be friends with her?

I know everyone is different but personal I can not see myself every hanging out with my ex having "banter". Having a coffee and a chat is one thing but meeting up for drinks etc is a bit much.

OP, She sounds like she is still hurting. Think you also might be given her false hope, and I think she is seeing you has more then a Friend.

You need to stop hanging out with the girl and texting her during the week. By all means meet for a chat if you feel you need to, but I think the whole meeting for drinks having banter and texting during the week is all a bit to much.

LegacyUser

OP again, thanks for the replies

TBH I just treat her like any other friend, few txts back and forth during the week about any old crap and either a coffee or few drinks in the local once in a while. We'll generally joke about anything and having history, we have allot of material to work with!! Was even surprised myself when I found I did not give two hoots when she tells me about other guys or when someone hits on her, I just make fun of it.

Would not go on a proper night out or anything, she wanted to once but I thought it would be strange to go out to a bar till 3am with just one person (be it a friend or ex, you'd run out of things to talk about..)

As far as i'm aware she is on the same page in regards to just being friends, after all she suggested it and it has being over half a year now since she got back in contact.

I like having her as a friend, as long as it does not involve dealing with this crap which just came out of the blue.

Why can't she just be like another (casual) friend, few jokes and a drink once in a while and no drama..?

LegacyUser

confusedop wrote: »

OP again, thanks for the replies

TBH I just treat her like any other friend, few txts back and forth during the week about any old crap and either a coffee or few drinks in the local once in a while. We'll generally joke about anything and having history, we have allot of material to work with!! Was even surprised myself when I found I did not give two hoots when she tells me about other guys or when someone hits on her, I just make fun of it.

Would not go on a proper night out or anything, she wanted to once but I thought it would be strange to go out to a bar till 3am with just one person (be it a friend or ex, you'd run out of things to talk about..)

As far as i'm aware she is on the same page in regards to just being friends, after all she suggested it and it has being over half a year now since she got back in contact.

I like having her as a friend, as long as it does not involve dealing with this crap which just came out of the blue.

Why can't she just be like another (casual) friend, few jokes and a drink once in a while and no drama..?

I've been there man. Thing is, while you have decided that she is just like any other friend, she might see you as a very good friend. Or, hanging out with you, she realises that she wants to go out with you again but you're being very casual it all.

Then, as time goes on, she gets closer to you and realises that you're not perfect. When you go out with someone you're a bit more forgiving. But, as you're not going out, she won't put up with you in the same way (and vice versa).

I've an ex who while I was seeing her there were certain things that annoyed me. When we remained friends afterwards, those things that annoyed me become somewhat amplified and vice versa.

Ask yourself why you are remaining friends - is it because you genuinely like her or is it just out of convenience and not wanting to fall out with her.

I had a falling out with my ex but we hang out in the same group. I found that of late I get a lot of sarky comments and criticisms of things that I would have done when we were seeing each other.

SunnyDub1

confusedop wrote: »

even surprised myself when I found I did not give two hoots when she tells me about other guys or when someone hits on her, I just make fun of it.

She's talking about other guys hitting on her to try make you jealous.

As far as i'm aware she is on the same page in regards to just being friends, after all she suggested it and it has being over half a year now since she got back in contact.

She suggest to be friends again for a reason.... my guess is that she is missing you

Why can't she just be like another (casual) friend, few jokes and a drink once in a while and no drama..?

Cause shes not any other casual friend - Shes an ex !

Like seriously op, you really need to take the advice been giving on board.

Why feel the need to be friends with her ? I just dont get it? Is it an ego thing with you ?

Have you not got any other friends to drink etc with... Tbh your bringing the "drama" on yourself.

LegacyUser

Op again and thanks again for taking the time to reply

I'm reading what yous are saying and the overriding thing that is coming through is "why be friend with an ex?" and that she may be interested in more.

Well as to why I like having her as a friend, cause we get on well (most of the time!) and I enjoy her company like any other friend (and yes, I do have more ) I could go without her as a friend, but I have no problem with her per se and it would seem a shame to cut all contact again. That feels weird to me, like an action you take if you hate them or something.

At 1st I was equally as skeptical it would work as yous and was guarded, but now I just don't think about it much tbh.

I mean, I take most of her comments about other guys as a joke aimed to wind me up, which we're always doing. Not particularly mature ill give you that, but I have similar friendships with lads that are the same (passing back and forth banter)

Can Ex's not be friends at all?!

ihsb

confusedop wrote: »

Can Ex's not be friends at all?!

In my opinion? No.

Firm believer that you cannot be simply friends with someone you have had sex with.

Someone gets hurt. Someone wants more. Or it ends up being a friendship that is harder work then it is worth (there is a reason that you broke up). Or someone starts playing games. Don't cut her out completely. Be friendly. But not friends. Like if you see her out, be nice and friendly but don't go out of your way to contact her.

Obviously this is just how I see things