I screwed up with my girlfriend

LegacyUser

Hi Guys

I've messed up with a girl I have been seeing for 3 months bad and I need some advice.

Basically I have been seeing this girl for 3 months and I thought things were going fine we were having fun and then out of the blue she broke up with me last Saturday and I have not been in contact with her since.

She broke up with me because she felt I was pressuring her into seeing me every available free time she had I did not see this . She was letting subtle hints that I was doing this for a couple of weeks that I did not see or realise until I Was going through the last couple of weeks in my head and just had a thunder bolt strike my head of what went wrong.

I really like this girl and would be fine in seeing her less if she just sat down and talked to me we could have sorted this out but she has been bottling this up and let loose on Saturday night and let me have it with both barrel's . I really see where she was coming from although I didn't mean to do this i just enjoyed spending time with her . I need some advice on how do I get back in contact with out seeming I am pressuring her.

I was thinking of leaving things till Thursday and then ringing her up to see if she will see me and apologise and say that I am completely fine with giving her her own space and that I am a idiot for not seeing this sooner. And if she wants to try and fix things and discuss it ill be fine . If not We can try and be friends or go our own ways . Is this the right way to approach this ??

Other notes this girl is in a wheel chair and I realise that she cant see me every night due to exercises and work that she has to do And I never made a issue on nights that she couldn't see me if she was doing these other things or seeing her own friends etc. But i realise now that this was making her feel that she couldn't be the person I wanted her to be and see me as much as I wanted as I said i've been a idiot.

Miss Fluff

AIdiot wrote: »

She broke up with me because she felt I was pressuring her into seeing me every available free time she had I did not see this

How were you pressuring her exactly? You said you had a thunderbolt moment earlier so to what extent were you wanting to see her or putting pressure on her?

I ask because it really depends if you crossed a line. If you feel (in hindsight) that your behaviour maybe was a bit inappropriate and stifling then she may not be all that keen on getting involved with you again and may see you as too intense and full on. If things were going well up until recently and you think it was here merely exploding in a fit of frustration then by all means give her a little bit more space and then maybe write to her or phone her (ONCE!) and ask her to meet up.

For future reference, while a girl likes to be wooed it is really very offputting when someone comes across as needy or demanding, it is stifling and will only end up being a turn off.

If you're genuinely able to analyse and see your behaviour for how it appeared TO HER then it is probably worth a second try. If she is not responsive you then leave it at that and learn from this.

LegacyUser

Miss Fluff wrote: »

How were you pressuring her exactly? You said you had a thunderbolt moment earlier so to what extent were you wanting to see her or putting pressure on her?

I ask because it really depends if you crossed a line. If you feel (in hindsight) that your behaviour maybe was a bit inappropriate and stifling then she may not be all that keen on getting involved with you again and may see you as too intense and full on. If things were going well up until recently and you think it was here merely exploding in a fit of frustration then by all means give her a little bit more space and then maybe write to her or phone her (ONCE!) and ask her to meet up.

For future reference, while a girl likes to be wooed it is really very offputting when someone comes across as needy or demanding, it is stifling and will only end up being a turn off.

If you're genuinely able to analyse and see your behaviour for how it appeared TO HER then it is probably worth a second try. If she is not responsive you then leave it at that and learn from this.

I wasn't really pressuring her as in "we must go out tonight kind of thing" or saying we are not spending enough time together it was more of a you fancy doing something (cinema dinner etc) during the week. I think that she felt pressured to saying yes each time as she didn't want to say no. On the occasions when she said no I was fine with it . I personally was just wanting to spend time with her and she would go out with friends etc without me and I had no problem with it And to be honest if she turned me down and only seen me once or so a week I would have been fine with that . So I don't think I was coming off as needy or demanding . It was purely me wanting to spend more time with her than she had and her not communicating this with me until she had enough of it.

I think it was the whole wheelchair thing and that she felt that she couldn't do some stuff like see me a couple of times during the week or spend a whole day with me at weekends that made her feel I was pressuring her as I think she wanted to spend more time with me but felt bad she couldn't. As she needs to do exercises and work on her time off and I am completely fine with this.

I really didn't mean to put any pressure on her and feel really bad that I came across like this I am pretty easy going guy and really don't mind her not being able to see me all the time and her having her own life friends etc.

I just really hope I haven't screwed this up. Do you think waiting till Thursday is enough time to give her or should I wait till next week I really don't want to mess this up further as I really like this girl And have no intention of contacting her more than once .

Miss Fluff

If you genuinely weren't too intense then she may just be using it as an excuse not to go out with you anymore. She may have found your keeness mildly irritating and has simply used it as an excuse to break up rather than say she simply isn't interested anymore. If you really want then contact her in a few days but I wouldn't hold out too much hope tbh....

LegacyUser

Miss Fluff wrote: »

If you genuinely weren't too intense then she may just be using it as an excuse not to go out with you anymore. She may have found your keeness mildly irritating and has simply used it as an excuse to break up rather than say she simply isn't interested anymore. If you really want then contact her in a few days but I wouldn't hold out too much hope tbh....

thanks For the advice Miss Fluff at least I have what to do next in my head right this really helped. Ill let you know how it goes I hope you are wrong but at this stage the worst that can happen is me being in the same boat as I am in .

Miss Fluff

No problem hon, hope it goes well

Stavro Mueller

If you weren't stifling her, then perhaps she just wasn't so keen on you in the first place? Surely if she really liked you, she'd have been more than happy to spend time with you? Unless maybe the issue with the wheelchair and the exercises taking up so many of her evenings is causing her to really crave "me time" ?

musicinyou

Move on pal, thats my advice,. if shes not prepared to give you some time then forget about her and move on, i hope you find someone who is happy to give you more time but as for this case, id call it as over!! i wouldnt even bother sending her another message or call man, wouldnt waste the time and energy! plenty fish in the sea!