Do I don't I love one of my best friends?

LegacyUser

This is going to be a long one so apologies in advance and thanks for reading!

One of my best friends, moved up to the city together, lived with him and his friend for 2 years. We became very close but at the same time we were seeing other people etc.

We drunkenly kissed a couple of times but nothing ever came of it for a long time. We were friends nothing more although with hindsight I should have seen that his feelings were maybe a bit stronger. He would generally go above and beyond the call of duty for me. Finally on a very drunken night out he confessed that he loved me. My reaction was to tell him I didn't feel the same way but then completly panicked and ended up kissing him. The next day I couldn't even look at him and literally threw him out of my room. I might add that I am hopeless at dealing with this stuff so I ignored the situation entirely for a month until he eventually cornered me again in a nightclub and was like 'what's the story, are you going to give us a chance'. I wouldn't

FF - he got a girlfriend, we stopped hanging around too much. We kissed a few more times, I can't say they were entirely his fault. He's a person I want to be around all the time. He makes me laugh, we know each other inside out and we're just so compatible. I just don't know if the sexual connection is there. There was one night we ended up kissing and a lot more would have happened had a mutual friend not disturbed us (noone in our circle knows about this). That night I felt a huge connection to him, more than I've ever felt with anyone but I don't know if that was just because I hadn't been with anyone in a long time.

One thing for sure is that I miss him in my life. I don't know in what capacity. The reason that I ask all this now is that we were all out together over the weekend. We were all drunk and at the end of the night one of my friends (who does know about it) said that I started ranting about how I was an idiot and that I still loved him and why did I let him go (he's still with the girlfriend). I always thought my initial reaction was right on day one .... I dont love him that way, otherwise would I not have jumped into it? Have a I made a mistake, was I just too scared to take the risk and of what other people would thin? Do I just want him because I can't have him? What's going on?

I am a friend

No one here can tell u what you feel. Does sound though that you want what you can't have .

Miss Fluff

Well your first instinct was that you didn't want anything to do with him and then he seems attractive as soon as he's attached. On that basis I would do nothing while he still has a girlfriend and certainly wouldn't go snogging him or leading him on. If he is single again at any stage in the future then assess how you feel then but tbh it just sounds like you're missing his company and that's being compounded by a bit of drunken sentimentality...

danslevent

All the times you felt close to him or kissed him etc was when you were drunk. I was in a similar situation with a friend where he was really into me and the only time I had any sort of phsyical interest back was when I was drunk. As much as I loved him as a friend, a best friend, I couldn't summon that sexual attraction to kiss sober.

When you are around him, sober, do you want to kiss him? Does seeing him with his girlfriend make you jealous? Personally, I think if you are confused about weather or not you like someone, you generally don't fully. Think about the times you have really fancied someone in the past, it is an undeniable emotion and pretty self evident.

That's just my two cents. Everyone is different :)Good luck OP