My world is changing and need a release...

LegacyUser

I currently feel very different to how I have ever felt in 22 years.

My head is an absolute mess and it is more or less related to 2 things that are intertwined in a way. In the last week I have been told by 3 different people that I "seem quiet" and while I jokingly pass it off as being tired etc. I know what they mean. I notice it. I have become distant and a shadow of my former self.

People know me as a positive, smiling, happy person who embodies optimism. I always thought of myself that way but in the last couple of months I have seen another side to myself; a darker, more unstable side. A side that I initially thought only affected me when alone and I had time to let my mind wander, but I think it is starting to surface and people are noticing. One hour I'm fine, the next I could be almost teary eyed.

I'll cut to the chase. I'm stressed and I know that is a given.

I'm in my final year of college. It has been both my happiest year and my roughest year.

The happy aspect:

At the start I met an amazing girl, we just clicked, and she is my current girlfriend. We have a strong emotional connection and have helped each other through the various challenges of the year (she is also final year but different degree) and any worries on our minds in total confidence in each other. Our relationship is one that has grown slowly, innocently, romantically and strong. I definitely feel that it can only grow stronger from here, we just gel. I can't wait for the summer and to share time where we are no longer burdened by college work and can finally go places and do things.

The clouds:

As it being final year, the work load is kind of heavy. I also feel slightly burnt out and that my motivation/enthusiasm is lacking and I find myself not focussed on the job at hand. I haven't got a clue what I want to do when I finish, where I would like to work or where I will be a year from now. I'm a bit of a dreamer and see things with rose tinted glasses rather than reality. I find my mind wandering. I have narrowed down some of my thinking to one reason for my instability:

A month ago my girlfriend was accepted for a work placement "on the other side of the world". This placement starts around september and will be for a year. This is what is at me. I am delighted for her as its something that was in the pipelines just before I met her. However, inside I feel slightly numbed by the prospect. I would never however discourage her from it, never.

So what is my concern? Firstly, it will be hard not seeing her. Although I would plan on getting over to her once for definite and if funds allow twice. Thus breaking our separation intervals into a few months rather than a whole year.

This is a bit of an elephant in the room. I can normally discuss most problems with her but cannot bring this one up for fear of sounding selfish or putting her on a spot. I know in time we will have to talk about it as it is only a number of months away but it is at me now for some reason. I would like to know what her thought on our relationship standing would be.

Myself personally, would happily do the whole "long distance relationship" thing which, although hard, I feel would work out. I just don't know what her thoughts are. We do have a few plans for the summer (holiday or two) so she isn't just writing me off. This to me indicates that she still wants everything between us to stay and will thus stick by me while on her work placement.

I should really just stop worrying about this for now, focus on my studies until the end of may, enjoy the summer and discuss it with her then. But for me that's easier said than done. I keep jostling the "end of college blues/work load/what do i do after/will our relationship change" things around in my head.

Honestly, writing this out has helped somewhat and has cleared my head a bit. So, apologies for the length. I know my problem may be somewhat small in comparison to some things I read on here but if anyone can clarify my situation I'd appreciate it!

P. Breathnach

There is no competition here to have the biggest problem. If it is a problem for you, then you are entitled to some consideration.

You need to think about your relationship. Is it something that suits you both for now, and the medium term? Or is it shaping up like a basis for marriage and permanent ties to one another? Only when you know the answer to that (for both of you) can you address the challenge of coping with separation.

Moonbeam

Can you go get a job in the same country?

Overheal

First step was getting it off your chest. Those things fcuk with your neurons until they're let out.

I think you should feel comfortable telling her though. She deserves to know how you feel, and you deserve to share it. Perks of a committed relationship!

Similar thoughts happened to me when the chips were down in college before and as a result I failed. So be careful about that! Don't let your doubts and dreads overwhelm you: keep dreading something long enough and you make a mountain out of a molehill.

The one thing you can't do is leave this issue unresolved. Talk it out ASAP. Look into the possibilities. You could find work where you are going. It doesn't have to be long distance. Which do you dislike more: the thought of having to do a Long Distance Relationship, or moving out there with her and not being absolutely sure you'll have work? You can't even be absolutely sure you'll have work in Ireland. So give it a thought. Just like you can always visit her, you can always move back if it proves unsustainable. But I say think about it. The world is smaller than you think but theres a lot to see.

face1990

From an outside perspective, the crux of the issue seems to be that you don't know how she feels about the whole prospect of a long distance relationship. If that's the case then you need to ask her. It may be an awkward thing to talk about, but if it's causing you that worry then you owe it to yourself to talk about it.

I'm in my final year too (thesis due in 20 days!). The stress and worry of that is enough to deal with. Best not to carry any extra mental/emotional baggage or you'll burn yourself out in no time!

Kebab

Releaseme, I would agree with the other posters who said talk to your girlfriend. You may like the answer. You may not. But it's going to absolutely wreck your head till you know. I know ideally you would probably rather wait till after your exams, but as it is your head is not where it should be, so even if it's the answer you don't want to hear, you still need to know. She must be noticing herself that you have become a bit withdrawn?

I know how hard it is to have an elephant in the room and just feel you can't get out the words. But you need to, for yourself and for her. She deserves to know how you are feeling and what you are thinking. You say you have a deep emotional link, she must have an idea something is up.

For your own sake, talk to her openly about your worries. It's the only way to start feeling better.

Kx

The_Conductor

I'd echo what Moonbeam has said- if I were you'd I'd be seriously exploring the possibility of getting a job (any job at all, I wouldn't be discerning) where your girlfriend is going. I don't know what your plans are for the year ahead- but I do unfortunately know how bad the jobs market is here. Even if you were going for a Masters- I'd actively consider deferring it for a year, its always going to be there when you come back.

Don't get depressed about things- explore the options that are open to you- and don't be too quick to rule anything out, regardless of how far fetched it may seem. The most successful people in the world are some of the people who were willing to take chances where other people weren't.