Issues with boyfriend's ex

LegacyUser

I've just logged on to facebook and seen that my bf's ex has posted a message on his wall saying how much she misses him, and he has replied saying he misses her too. This sounds so trivial but it's really annoying me. Some background: My boyfriend and I have been together for five months. The ex lives in a different country, and they had a fling for less than a month while he was there on holiday over the summer.

This isn't the first time she's contacted him publicly in a similar vein. I never really cared about it before because he never responded in kind but now he has and I just feel incredibly jealous. He told me her name once while drunk and occasionally mentions her in passing, that's how I know who she is. I don't think he realises that I've made the connection though. They didn't break up on bad terms obviously, he just had studying commitments elsewhere.

I suppose my question is what I should do? I know it's not his fault that she keeps contacting him, but to respond saying he misses her too just seems really inappropriate and disrespectful. Should I confront him?

Idle Passerby

It is inappropriate and disrespectful. You don't need to mention that you know the girl who commented is his ex to say you dont think those kind of comments are acceptable now that he's in a relationship with you.

ihsb

You need to tell him how you feel. He is just not respecting you. One it is in public (I would feel like a fool) and two, he should not be in contact like that with her.

And there are ways in which he could stop her from contacting him. Fact of the matter is. She knows he has a girlfriend, and doesn't care. She is making him think of her anyway. Also he does not see a problem with this. Otherwise he wouldn't reply and he would have told her to get lost by now. This rings alarm bells for me.

As I said. The best thing you can do is tell him how you feel. If he fobs you off. He is not worth it.

The Lovely Muffin

You should absolutely confront him, what he did was inappropriate, especially as she is an ex-girlfriend.

And to do it publicly is even worse, everyone on his Facebook will be able to see it.

Does your bf still have feelings for his ex? From your post I'm guessing he does, why else would he (publicly) post about missing her?

blatantrereg

why confront him about it though?
Easiest way to see what someone is like is to let them do what they want.
If what they want to do is to say inappropriate things, and publically disresepct you, then just dump them. No confrontation needed.

They already know this is bad behaviour - no explanation means they have to be honest with themselves and acknowledge they're out of line.

Save your energy and self respect and let them mope over their ex by themselves.

x Purple Pawprints x

I agree with the other posters, confront him about it. What he did is disrespectful to you and your relationship with him. Tell him how it made you feel to read that. The fact that you could read it is bad, but it's worse to think that other people can see this post as well.

I am a friend

He has publically announced to his ex that he misses her - why are you still with him?

It's not the girls fault - she may not know he has a gf...

x Purple Pawprints x

I totally agree with I am a friend in saying that it's not the girl's fault if she doesn't know that he has a girlfriend. However, if he has his relationship status set to 'in a relationship' then she shouldn't have posted on his wall at all. I still think the OP needs to talk to her bf, he's still in the wrong for replying either way.

LegacyUser

OP here - thanks everyone for the responses. Good to know I'm not being unreasonable. Yes, she definitely knows that he has a girlfriend. I just don't like to think that there's someone else he'd prefer to be with (even though she lives so far away), or that he thinks it's ok to say these things in public because he thought I didn't know about her or wouldn't notice. Or maybe he didn't think he was doing anything wrong. I definitely feel quite hurt and like I'm being made a fool of.

I feel like I should probably say something though if it's bothering me so will do that when I see him next and update.

x Purple Pawprints x

ophere wrote: »

OP here - thanks everyone for the responses. Good to know I'm not being unreasonable. Yes, she definitely knows that he has a girlfriend. I just don't like to think that there's someone else he'd prefer to be with (even though she lives so far away), or that he thinks it's ok to say these things in public because he thought I didn't know about her or wouldn't notice. Or maybe he didn't think he was doing anything wrong. I definitely feel quite hurt and like I'm being made a fool of.

I feel like I should probably say something though if it's bothering me so will do that when I see him next and update.

OP you're definitely not being unreasonable here and you should say something to him about it. What both of them did was disrespectful to you and you should tell him that. Good luck.

HenryChinaski

Idle Passerby wrote: »

It is inappropriate and disrespectful. You don't need to mention that you know the girl who commented is his ex to say you dont think those kind of comments are acceptable now that he's in a relationship with you.

Agreed.