:(

LegacyUser

im "friends" with my ex,when i say friend,i mean we are friends.we talk everyday but we also sometimes get carried away and do stuff we shouldnt,because he has a gf of about 3years now.everything was fine(even my guilt somewhat disappeared)until i started to get feelings for him. I told him because we tell each other most things and he took it well but explained that he doesnt want to leave his gf(i knew he would say that)and that he loves having me as a friend but that it wont be anything more.I knew he would say all that but i needed to hear it to try and get over him in a way.the thing is, whenever i see him or if he bring up certain things in conversations, i start to want him more and its wrecking my head.i do love him and i know what i should do is cut all contact with him but i know i would miss him too much plus he is leaving the country end of the year and ill probably never see him again!i just dont know what to do?!it upsets me so much sometimes and i think about him a lot of the time. im sure most people who respond to this will condemn me for being so stupid in messing around with him in the first place and that i should cut contact but i dont think im that strong to do that.
am super confused!

LegacyUser

thanks for your reply. i know that he doesnt want me like that, we have talked it out and we said that we would just be friends(we have done that b4 when i was with sum1) and it was going fine until one day......its weird.i cant control myself around him,probably another reason to cut him out of my life!
all of what you said is true, he is a cheater and selfish.i just got to keep telling myself that and end it because even though he has changed in the past few years, he hasnt in that sense and i guess he just never will.
im going to miss him on a friend level a lot but we all lose friends at times, im just the one making it happen this time
thanks, honestly, thank you for ur reply.its good to hear these things being said by someone other than one of my mates.

LegacyUser

you're totally right.i just got to be strong(a thing i aint usually)

im going to think everything over, what to say to him etc, over the weekend and then next week, its bye bye time!

gotta be done!! thanks so much.talking to you makes it easier x

Big Bag of Chips

Do you need to have "a chat" with him? I know you're friends, but can you not just fade away?

If he texts to meet up, tell him you're busy etc...

I just don't see what talking it out is going to do. Are you maybe, slightly, a tiny bit hoping by telling him you have to cut him out of your life that he will suddenly realise he wants you?

I don't know. I don't know you or him or the dynamics of your friendship, maybe a chat is appropriate. Maybe he deserves an explanation as to why you are ending the relationship as it is....

But personally, if it was me, I'd just drift away. I'd stop being available and meeting up and I'd just let the friendship naturally dissolve. But as I said, I don't know your friendship!

LegacyUser

I get what you're saying but i cant just stop talking to him and let it fade out. I want to explain it to him and no, i dont have the tiniest of hopes for that because i know that will never happen!i know he doesnt want me as that.we talked about that before so i know where i stand but im just sick of being there. all thats happening is me getting hurt and being upset and i cant do it anymore.
time to get over this one and hopefully be happy again
thanks for listening and giving ye're opinions guys

rainbows7

If it was me, I'd ignore him where possible, (as hard as it is). Give him a very short explaination that the intimacy you shared is over. If he persists, (seeing as you'll now be a chase for him) tell him you're busy (if you feel you have to), keep it short.
I reckon if you continue the so called friendship, he will somehow manage to eventually manipulate you back in a subtle way. He will make you feel guilty and how you're the selfish one. Be careful. You need to be stronger than ever before. Good luck.

I had a married man flirting with me, texting, face book you name it. It went on for weeks. The attention was lovely as he is attractive, then I realised what the hell am I doing. I would never have acted, but I learned here on boards that it's only an ego boost for them. I was being used to see if he still had it, to pull. I asked him to stop on a few occasions but he somehow managed to think of a reason to get back in touch. It took for me to control the situation, why would he stop when he has the best of both worlds. So I messaged him & kept it to the point. I explained how uncomfortable the contact was making me feel, how unfair it was to his wife and then said don't contact me again, on facebook, text, nothing. He agreed seeing as I was so firm and he hasn't contacted me since and I feel so much better )

You can do it!

LegacyUser

i get what u are saying but i cant just stop contacting him like that!ive known him years and he has been there for me(and i for him)when times were tough. im going to tell him how i feel about the whole situation and think it best that we shouldnt be in contact and hope he understands.
im kind of dreading it but i know i have to do it and i think the way i want to do it, is whats best in this situation
again, thanks for your help though
it really is an ego boost for them(sadly)so i gotta remind myself of that anytime i feel like i may slip back!

Wompa1

inacrapsituation wrote: »

I get what you're saying but i cant just stop talking to him and let it fade out. I want to explain it to him and no, i dont have the tiniest of hopes for that because i know that will never happen!i know he doesnt want me as that.we talked about that before so i know where i stand but im just sick of being there. all thats happening is me getting hurt and being upset and i cant do it anymore.
time to get over this one and hopefully be happy again
thanks for listening and giving ye're opinions guys

Rip off the band-aid. Never talk to him again. It's sometimes the only way unfortunately.

LegacyUser

Thanks sunflower. ya i have to talk it out with him. theres been times in the pst that when im in a relationship, we stop the dirty stuff so its not always about that with us. there is a friendship there as well. i know some people might find that hard to believe but its true!so itll be hard to let go of that more than anything really.
I know whats gotta be done.....just gotta do it now!

I am a friend

inacrapsituation wrote: »

we talk everyday but we also sometimes get carried away and do stuff we shouldnt

His poor gf - you are what makes girls suspicious of their bf's female friends... :mad:

Taltos

I am a friend

At this stage you already know that personal abuse (as well as breaching our charter) is not acceptable here in PI/RI.
As per our charter, if you have nothing civil and constructive to add we request posters not to post.
Another post like this will result in a ban

Taltos

LegacyUser

I am a friend wrote: »

His poor gf - you are what makes girls suspicious of their bf's female friends... :mad:

WOW!was waiting to hear this kind of thing from someone alright. Ive known him a good few years(i know that doesnt discount from anything) and she doesnt know about me.i dont exist in her world and they have an ok relationship.im not the one cheating on her, he is, a thing ive remarked to him about before.he says he loves her and in his own weird man-logic way, maybe he does.if i was with someone, i wouldnt touch him,thats just me.AND if it wasnt me he was messing around with etc, itd be someone else!this is him being a cheater etc and not me. i know what im doing people dont agree with and i have felt bad for her but HE is hurting her by messing HER around, NOT ME!