unrequited love

LegacyUser

Hello,
I am looking for some advise, I am trying to get over someone, a good friend, who I developed deep feelings for, they do not feel the same!
I have tried distance, cutting contact, hanging out with them more to almost turn myself off them, but its not working. I know they do love and care for me as a friend, and always wants to be around me all the time, in college and we have the same friends, which makes it even harder.
Is there anyone who was in the situation, and can give me advise pleaaaseee??

unklefiction

You should keep your distance, at least try and keep busy doing things that don't involve you spending time with them, its hard and if you keep this flame alive then you will get burned when you continue to see them meeting other people, try to get it out of your mind, for your own sake. Look around there are lots of others out there. Good luck

Fitseeker

I can relate to this, basically what I did was take up a new hobby (joined the gym) and distanced myself a little from the person, we do share the same circle of friends so we still see eachother often but since I've spent more time focusing on myself I find I rarely if ever think about this person, when before I would near constantly torment myself thinking about how it could be. It's taken a couple of months but I can honestly say I'm over it and I'm the happiest I've ever been.

tl;dr - My advice would be to withdraw a little from this person, focus on yourself for a while and try to improve other aspects of your life, these things take time to go away, but I can guarantee they will.

I can relate to your situation almost exactly.. It's not a great position to be in and I'm still kind of in it.

However what I found worked for me was cutting contact, keeping distance and being a little bit more cold, your friend wont like it but at the end of the day you have to look out for yourself.

I actually started to dump alot on another friend, which wasnt fair of me to do and I feel like a horrible person for doing it, however it did help and the other friend was brilliant.

After not speaking for a while we started hanging out again and its difficult to be around a person you have or had feelings for.

I hope you get yourself out of this situation or even better your friend realises what they have in you..

snafuk35

rememberme2012 wrote: »

Hello,
I am looking for some advise, I am trying to get over someone, a good friend, who I developed deep feelings for, they do not feel the same!
I have tried distance, cutting contact, hanging out with them more to almost turn myself off them, but its not working. I know they do love and care for me as a friend, and always wants to be around me all the time, in college and we have the same friends, which makes it even harder.
Is there anyone who was in the situation, and can give me advise pleaaaseee??

Just suck it up. You are attracted to this person and you can't turn off attraction. Unless you want to move to another country or the other end of the world you are just going to have to accept it and that is that. Try and meet someone else and get on with your life.

Paco Rodriguez

Nothing hurts more than a serious toothache and unrequited love. I have the same problem. My opinion would be careful about being cold to your friend. I tried it and its like fighting quicksand you only sink deeper.
Time is a good healer. You may realise that even if you cant be together in the way you want you are lucky to know the girl as a friend.
As a previous posters said...suck it up. Try to eliminate thinking time by keeping active.

LegacyUser

Hi,

Thank you all for your advise, I guess I know the best thing to do, it is just so hard doing it. I am trying to tell myself that it cant and wont be as bad as I do right now, so I am going to cut contact slowly and hope it eventually goes away, and maybe I will meet someone new.

jasonb

Hi OP,

I was in that situation a few years ago, and man it was so tough. I was crazy about this girl, so crazy that I told her about it, was very gently and kindly rebuffed ( which only made it worse in a way ) and then had to go and tell her again maybe a year or so later. Both times I just knew I was mad about her and couldn't keep it to myself just in case there was a chance.

Now, over a decade later, I still sometimes think of her and sigh. In the end, it's not the answer you want to hear, but it all comes down to time. Things will get better ( I promise ) and you will move on. I was 'lucky' in that we didn't see each other very often, so that didn't keep bringing it up.

Be aware that you might have to cut contact ( maybe over time, if not immediately ) to really help you move on. And also be aware that it'll be very easy to put her on a pedestal as this perfect woman; because you feel so strongly for her but have never been together, it'll be hard to see her faults, and we all have them.

In the end, all I can offer is hang in there and it will get better.

Best of luck!

J.

LegacyUser

Hi,
thank you for your advise, its good to know I am not the only one feeling that way! It is a very hard situation all together, especially being in the same circle and there is other reason why we are close.
I was/am the same as yourself, I said what I had too, I told them I liked them, I was given my answer, and then a year later, I thought well maybe the do like me etc, I was looking way to deep into everything they said and did, and I would say some of it was in my head, wishful thinking. I just wish this person had stayed away when I asked them too, I feel they were delighted with knowing I liked them but I think they liked the attention, But it was still my fault.
I actually never thought I would be the type of person to go after what I cant have, I am generally not like that at all, but just cant seem to shake this, and it has been over a year now. And as I said before its not helping being so close to them.
I dont like how I feel about myself now either, feel that I am not good enough and picking out faults in myself, and I am not short of female attention, but do not seem to be interested and cant make myself either.

It sucks :-(

jasonb wrote: »

Hi OP,

I was in that situation a few years ago, and man it was so tough. I was crazy about this girl, so crazy that I told her about it, was very gently and kindly rebuffed ( which only made it worse in a way ) and then had to go and tell her again maybe a year or so later. Both times I just knew I was mad about her and couldn't keep it to myself just in case there was a chance.

Now, over a decade later, I still sometimes think of her and sigh. In the end, it's not the answer you want to hear, but it all comes down to time. Things will get better ( I promise ) and you will move on. I was 'lucky' in that we didn't see each other very often, so that didn't keep bringing it up.

Be aware that you might have to cut contact ( maybe over time, if not immediately ) to really help you move on. And also be aware that it'll be very easy to put her on a pedestal as this perfect woman; because you feel so strongly for her but have never been together, it'll be hard to see her faults, and we all have them.

In the end, all I can offer is hang in there and it will get better.

Best of luck!

J.