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Separating from unemployed husband

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  • 13-04-2012 5:20pm
    #1
    teire01
    Registered Users Posts: 9 ✭


    Hi

    I am having a lot of marital problems for the last 2 years. We have been married for 10 years.

    My husband quit his job about 4 or 5 years ago and hasn't looked for work since. He has degrees but doesn't want to work in that area. He has completed a fas course this year but has yet to do up a CV and look for work. I make enough money to keep us and no more really.

    We have a boy and since I went back to work after maternity leave he has minded him.

    Lately during rows he has said he will leave and live on his own and that I will have to pay him maintenance. Is this true?

    I would be struggling to pay for childcare if he left but think I would be happier on my own at this stage. However I don't think I could make ends meet if I had to support him financially living on his own.

    Any advice would be welcome


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    #2
    Ickle Magoo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 ✭✭✭✭Ickle Magoo


    Hey there teire01,

    It's certainly possible for spouses of either gender to be awarded maintenance...whether or how this applies in your case is something you'd really have to seek legal advice on.

    There's some info on mainenece orders and agreements HERE that you might find interesting.

    All the best. :)


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    #3
    Abi
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,058 ✭✭✭✭Abi


    Lately during rows he has said he will leave and live on his own and that I will have to pay him maintenance. Is this true?

    Where is he getting this horse crap from? I think it's just scare tactics he's throwing at you to take the heat off himself.


    If he went to live independently of you and convinced the SW it was truly over he would receive a job seekers payment, and if you took him to court for maintenance you may even be entitled to a very small portion of that. If I were you I'd go to citizens advice and arm yourself with all the info you need.

    And he won't get work that relates to his degrees? Does he know we now live in a world that we cannot be that choosey anymore? He's gonna have to suck it up and get a job, related or unrelated to his degrees to ease the pressure on you and the bills that have to be paid. Anymore of these threats from him and I'd quite happily show him the door.


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    #4
    Thoie
    Registered Users Posts: 6,344 ✭✭✭Thoie


    Doesn't maintenance usually cover the child, not the adult?

    I thought that it was the person the child was living with got maintenance.


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    #5
    Abi
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,058 ✭✭✭✭Abi


    Thoie wrote: »
    Doesn't maintenance usually cover the child, not the adult?

    I thought that it was the person the child was living with got maintenance.
    There is such a thing as spousal maintenance, but this doesn't apply to him here if she's left with the child and all the bills to pay. If he leaves both incomes and expenditures would be means tested if brought before the court to decide what is a fair amount for him to pay in child maintenance. If there are co owned assets such as a house, car etc then it's not so cut and dry. She will need to speak to her solicitor. I would advice mediation in which case, whereby a couple can decide together on how to handle the co owned assests.

    Edit: just seeing Ickles post above, that's it in a nutshell really.


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    #6
    teire01
    Registered Users Posts: 9 ✭teire01


    Thanks for all the replies - ideally I would like to resolve our problems but I'm so tired of all the squabbling.

    I guess each case is treated individually.


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    #7
    VikingG
    Registered Users Posts: 523 ✭✭✭VikingG


    My lord... that certainly takes the biscuit...... actually if he did leave he probably would try to take the biscuits so check the cupboards afterwards...

    Seriously though as we all know during conflict people can spurt out comments that are designed to hurt or even frighten... all this is is an empty threat.. best thing to reply to him is that he is quite entitled to apply to the courts if he wishes... I dont think he would get far.


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    #8
    Abi
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,058 ✭✭✭✭Abi


    VikingG wrote: »
    My lord... that certainly takes the biscuit...... actually if he did leave he probably would try to take the biscuits so check the cupboards afterwards...

    .
    You know what, the road to separation / divorce can be a stressful one, but I love anyone that can humour me about it- I actually laughed at that oh too familiar feeling :D

    My ex has made sure in left with nothing, despite repeated court appearances. I haven't sought after anything that was completely nesessary and wanted to part on good terms. His bitterness towards my ending the marriage has made his whole reason for existing to watch me fall hard, and worse if he can get away with it. He's breached safety orders, broke up my car and that doesn't come near to the damage being involved with him as a whole.

    But to see your comment about the biscuits made me laugh, the guy hasn't left me with a crumb let alone a fcuking biscuit!

    Thanks for letting me see the humorous side again (:


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    #9
    VikingG
    Registered Users Posts: 523 ✭✭✭VikingG


    Glad to hear it brought a smile to your face... sounds like you have had a rough couple of years.... remember to always find at least one thing that will bring you peace and happiness for a short while... Watching a film, a quick walk, sport and try to keep that time sacred... Life no matter how hard is always bearable if you have those minutes to find the joy in something else.


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    #10
    Finnbar01
    Registered Users Posts: 2,067 ✭✭✭Finnbar01


    teire01 wrote: »
    Hi

    I am having a lot of marital problems for the last 2 years. We have been married for 10 years.

    My husband quit his job about 4 or 5 years ago and hasn't looked for work since. He has degrees but doesn't want to work in that area. He has completed a fas course this year but has yet to do up a CV and look for work. I make enough money to keep us and no more really.

    We have a boy and since I went back to work after maternity leave he has minded him.

    Lately during rows he has said he will leave and live on his own and that I will have to pay him maintenance. Is this true?

    I would be struggling to pay for childcare if he left but think I would be happier on my own at this stage. However I don't think I could make ends meet if I had to support him financially living on his own.

    Any advice would be welcome

    Why doesn't he want to get a job, what excuses is he coming up with?


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    #11
    Teresa kirkham
    Registered Users Posts: 22 ✭Teresa kirkham


    I have just split from unemployed husband after 25 years . He just sat around all day too . I couldn't take any more


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    #12
    teire01
    Registered Users Posts: 9 ✭teire01


    Hi
    Thanks to people for the replies sorry I didn't get back on for a long time.
    We were trying to make a go of things but it's been too hard and
    I hate all the bickering in front of our little child.

    Thankfully he is seeing sense about having to pay him maintenance
    and we are trying to be reasonable about where we go from here.

    I just wanted to say for anybody staying in a marriage out of fear of
    the alternatives - I've had a fortnight now without my husband and the lack of rows
    has made it a very peaceful time. I am still grieving the breakdown of marriage and
    say I will for a while - so not happy but am finding peace :)


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