Help me think straight!

LegacyUser

Hi guys,

Could do with your input into a situation i'm in at the moment. Basically ive fallen for someone who i work with. Well, we work in the same place but not actually together if you get me. I had liked him for awhile and we were very good friends. A mate of mine here decided she wanted to find out what the story was with us so she asked him on a work night out, where he admitted he liked me too but was worried about work. Which is fair enough and tbh he's right. I later said to him that i knew of this conversation so he knew i knew, and i knew he knew.

Cue about 4 months of whenever either of us were out we would text "are you out?". I started to get very frustrated with the whole situation and i think people around me that i don't work with started to pick up on this. Last Saturday night my housemate texted him off of my phone to ask "when are we ever going to have a drink, just the two of us". I had no knowledge of this and i'm pretty angry about it, I didn't want to put pressure on the guy as i knew he was worried about the implications it would have. Anyways he never replied, which has given me my answer in a way as i now know he's not interested in starting anything, just a few drunken texts and leave it at that.

But i can't help but think whats wrong with me? He admitted he liked me in that way...but not enough to actually want to be with me, its drawn out all sorts of insecurities that i thought i had gotten rid of years ago. I know he's run because of other people getting involved, something i never asked them to do and they thought they were helping as both myself and the fella in question are very shy people when it comes to things like that. But still those niggling feelings of "it's cos your not good enough, pretty enough, smart enough" you only deserve the types of men you've been out with before -the cheaters, the abusers.

I've spent all of this week hiding in my office, not going anywhere at work where i may bump into him because i don't know what will happen if i was to meet him.

I guess after this whole rambling message i'd be interested to know peoples ideas of how to get myself out of this destructive thinking and to cop myself on?

I am a friend

He has already told you its because of work...

I would murder a friend if they did that.

Missy Moo Moo

I am a friend wrote: »

He has already told you its because of work...

I would murder a friend if they did that.

I agree with the above. Some friend.

Maybe explain to him that it was your friend messing with your phone and leave it at that. Sorry but I think there's a slim chance of something happening with this guy, on account of working together and added pressures of friends getting involved. Don't think its a reflection on you though, not everyone is everyones cup of tea. If someone doesn't fancy you, it doesn't mean that there's something wrong with you. It just means you're not for them. There'll be plenty of other guys that will fancy you.

I'd have a stern word with your friend and tell her you're an adult who can handle your own affairs and if you require her assistance, you'll ask. Going to your phone and sending a text was an invasion of privacy as well as putting you in an embarrassing situation.

ash23

I'd say nothing to him about it being your friend to be honest because it's what you wanted to say. Plus it'll sound like a lame excuse.
I'd be raging with the friend too but at least you know where you stand and won't be messing around with drunk "are you out" texts - which, lets face it, would end in a drunken snog/shag and become a FB situation.
While he might not like you enough to get into a relationship with you (yes, ouch, it hurts) there are other men who will and who won't wreck your head.

Don't hide in your office. Go in looking fab, strut around like you're gods gift to men and he doesn't know what he's missing. Fake it til you make it as they say.

Don't give it any more headspace.