Dark part of my life coming back to haunt me ???

LegacyUser

Please bear with me this is very hard for me and please don't judge me.

Where do I start? Basically out last weekend drank way way too much and collapsed had to be carried out by bouncer. BF said I was out cold. Years and years ago a similar episode happened, think it was a panic attack. I also did something really stupid in the bathroom of a club years ago, I cut myself. I also put myself in hospital before. Those episodes years ago were due to a really really dark time in my life and not something i'm proud of.

Anyways since this happened last weekend, I have been so depressed, crying, anxious, feel ashamed, guilty. I kind of feel like I did it on purpose or something. This time last week I was happy as larry, granted lifes not perfect but whos is? I don't know what i'm looking for just need to get this off my chest as there's no one else I can speak to. My life has improved dramatically over the last couple of years so don't know if this incident has just brought up emotions from the past or what. I know reading this people probably think i'm crazy, but i'm actually a perfectly intelligent, logical person most of the time. If you knew me you wouldn't believe any of these incidents were related to me. I really just want to put this all behind me and move on, but i'm so down in myself after last weekend.

MissFlitworth

You really, really don't sound crazy You sound gutted with yourself because you ended up in a state last weekend and like you're panicking in case it means you're also heading back towards somewhere dark. I do think you're reading too much into what happened to you this weekend though. It sounds like you don't ever get yourself into that state and because it's reminding you of what happened in your past you're linking them up, but it really could just be that you accidentally drank too much this once, it happens to the best of us.

Cut yourself some slack here & if you can't and you still feel so bad that you're depressed & crying then go talk to your doctor & get some help.

SunnyDub1

First of all - your not crazy.

Secondly - I'd advice that you stay away from the drink.. Not never drink again but if your feeling the way you are just stay away from a while, just till your feeling better about yourself again.

I find the afters of heavy drinking are not worth it, I do alway feel very down, low, depressed after a heavy drinking session or even just after a few. Most people do but just aren't open about it.
Like yourself for about a week I do feel the way you are feeling.

From my own experience the best thing to do is try not thinking about it, what happened, what could of happened, what will I do next ....Its the past - The past is the past! (easier said then done, but just try think of it like that)

Its fine day today(where I am anyway :P) you should try get up and out for a walk, maybe go to a class, do a bit of shopping, catch up with an old friend.
Focus on something you enjoy doing watch a film.

But seriously there is so much more to life to drinking, and drink just doesn't suit some people. You should try do other things aside from drinking.

If you are still feeling like this after today or tomorrow it might be best to speak with a doctor or even a counselor.


Try stay strong

saa

Yes the past is the past but if it is something that has been traumatic it is not like any other event and if you can't deal with it it can be suppressed and when it comes up again you can suppress it again until a later point or go seek help you're not crazy, there is nothing wrong with you and this will pass

SunnyDub1

saa wrote: »

Yes the past is the past but if it is something that has been traumatic it is not like any other event

I understand that, there is a lot of people as well as myself that have had that experience and I'm most certainly not saying it's as easy as just forgetting about it and moving one.

I'm just trying to give OP some positivity from my own experience.

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone for your kind words. I will be staying off the drink for a while and no way in hell i'll be drinking that much again. I just felt so overwhelmed by the whole thing.