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Not open but want to be

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  • 11-04-2012 10:19pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I'm looking for advice. I know this is a much talked about topic but I'm finding it hard not to lose hope. When I was younger I always assumed I'd eventually meet someone and get married etc but now I'm starting to wonder if it's ever going to happen.

    I'm a girl in my late twenties and single. I really want to meet someone but I just don't know how. Everyone around me seem to get into and out of relationships all the time but I'm always single. I've come to the conclusion that even though it's hard to meet people the problem lies with me. I don't think I'm open. I was in a relationship a few years ago and even though it wasn't long term, I was hurt when it ended.

    I used to think my reluctance was due to being hurt before but I really think it's me. I have great friends, a good job, plenty going on. But I long to be in a loving relationship. I'm so happy for my friends that have found their happiness with a partner but I fear I'll soon be the only single one left. As it is, I have very few single friends. I'm grateful I never felt I couldn't be alone. My problem is the exact opposite.

    When I go out to the pub, I go to have fun with my friends, not to go on the prowl. I have friends who base their success on a night out on meeting someone. Going hunting for a man is just not something I'm comfortable with. I feel completely stressed out and uptight in situations like that. If I end up chatting to someone on a night out, I find myself making excuses in my head about how I'm going to get away from them. I convince myself that I'll meet someone the next time. I always do that. If opportunities present themselves through friends of friends, I do the same.

    I know countless suggestions have been made regarding ways to meet people. I have no interest in online dating. The idea of exposing myself publicly like that cripples me with fear. I think the idea of putting myself out there in general cripples me with fear. The problem is that if I don't do something, I'm afraid nothing is going to change.

    It's only very recently that I've come to the realisation that I'm not open. It's affecting my judgement because I can't work out the difference between when I'm not interested in someone and when my non-openness is taking over. I want to change my bad patterns before its too late.

    Can anyone relate to feeling this way?
    I'd be so grateful for any advice on how to be more open.
    Thanks in advance
    Tagged:


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    #2
    Ickle Magoo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 ✭✭✭✭Ickle Magoo


    Hey OP,

    It sounds clichéd but the easiest way to widen your social circle without the pressure of speed/online dating or going on the pull is to join clubs, societies and interest groups. Get to know lots of new people and increase your odds of meeting one you hit it off with romantically.

    As for the online dating, there's a great thread about it in tGC HERE you might find useful reading - and it's worth bearing in mind that many people you meet through dating will be just as terrified as you are.

    All the best. :cool:


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    #3
    saa
    Registered Users Posts: 2,194 ✭✭✭saa


    Hey OP we're all closed, nervous and feel hopeless but I think you've had an epiphany and it doesn't sound like everything about how you feel about you life and interact with people will change in a day but its really good that youre self aware and starting to have those Oh yeah moments, I've always found it a great help to find a good councilor to be comfortable with a situation I'm not happy with and feel that I can't control and to learn more about myself.

    I'm sure you've heard all the suggestions before but honestly there are so many other people in your situation are feeling so stressed because they think everyone else is happier because theyre in a couple (so not always the case :p) and that they are running out of time so in time you will run into a twain spirit who is always feeling the way you are and you literally just need to click with someone and there is no recipe for that and can happen at any time and I don't think there is anything you can do but enjoy life enjoy where you are now because the I'm looking for a long term partner inner stress and vibe do not stand to serve people well imo :)


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