Its like being a virgin all over again.

LegacyUser

ok, ill keep it breif as I can.
lost my virginity when I was 19, not the most amazing event of my life, but it was ok. However, Iv only slept with two different guys, one the guy i lost it to who iwent out with for 4 years and one being in another relationship for a year and a half.

A few months after ending the second relationship I was diagnosed with Cancer and have spent the last 4 years recovering. Now Im back to normal and through a lot of counciling and help I am able to meet men again. I am however very freaked out about sleeping with anyone. Anytime the opertunity comes up I imediatly run for the hills!

Ive met a nice guy, but how do I get over the fear of having sex again?

jellygems

tell him how u feel, i know my situation by far wasnt like yours but towards my late twenties i didnt have sex for 3 years and i was like you, but i met a nice guy and we talked about it and he was gentle and respectful and honestly after the first few times when i relaxed it was like riding a bike.

relax talk to him about it, work it out together and i bet you wont be sorry

good luck

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I can relate somewhat to your post and jellygems' post. I also in my mid/late 20's went through a few years of not having sex.

I have had sex a few times since my break but it was always a ONS type situation which does nothing for the self esteem to begin with! I suppose alot of it is down to trust and being comfortable with someone.

I also tend to do what you do and run for the hills when the opportunity arises, it may seem silly but I actually feel like I'll do something wrong! I almost feel now like I don't know what I'm doing and that I'll be terrible in bed. But these are my issues!

You have found someone so if I were you I would just be honest about it and talk to him and I'm sure any guy worth your time will be understanding.

x

Elmidena

Congrats on getting through cancer, and for looking after the mental repercussions it will have had on you too

Take things at a pace you're comfortable with; doesn't mean be prudish or whatever, but if you do really like him and see a future then he'll probably already know about your past. If he's a decent sort he'll be understanding and help you out. He'll see it as a big step on your part with all you've been through and your wanting to share yourself with him, and if he's not patient or understanding then he probably isn't too much of a keeper OP!

Get to know your body and what works for you. Achieving orgasm alone a few times would probably reignite confidence in you, and the right time will come along. If you rush into it you will probably regret it, but there's nothing wrong with taking the edge off by sharing a glass or two of wine first. Get back to romance and fool around with hands or mouths a bit until you feel comfortable with the idea of penetration. If you're not ready when you start things off, you'll most likely find it painful/embarrassing/confidence knocking and it will end up as an even bigger fear in your heart. I wish you all the luck, and again, congrats on making it through such an ordeal and glad to still have you in the world

tbh

when things are progressing along that direction, sit the chap down and talk to him. I bet he'll be really flattered. If he isn't, better to find out before you try anything.

Well done on beating cancer!