Need Advice

LegacyUser

I met my now ex 2 years ago. We are both in our mid 20's she was the girl of my dreams beautiful looking and very family orientated. I really fell for her and loved her so much and still have very strong feelings for her even though i broke up with her over 6 months ago.

The thing is we fought a lot but we always worked things out and near the end of our relationship our arguments were few and far between. I have never had the sort of feelings for any girl that i have for her and my heart seems to be broke over breaking up with her i just cant seem to move on despite many occasions where i could have started another relationship, i just never felt anything close to what i do for my ex. I know she really wants me back really badly and hasn't moved on either, she has been sending me messages every week nearly which i have just ignored.

The real reason I broke up with her is because hasnt shown an interest in looking for work or furthering her education, I guess she would be seen as lower class, where as i come from a strong working class family ethic. My family wanted me to break up with her saying i could do better which deep down i know all that but i just cant help this overpowering feeling i have for her...what should i do??

_dublinlad_

Was your family having a relationship with this girl, or where you?! First and foremost you shouldnt be listening to anybody else on the matter. Sure your family is important and it would be nice to have their blessing, but I would never leave a girl I love because they have a low opinion of her..

What are your feelings on this? Does this actually bother YOU?

I can kind of see your point though if it does bother you. What I find most attractive in a girl is the continual willingness to better themselves, not for me - but because they want to themselves, physicaly, socially and career wise.

P. Breathnach

I'm with _dublinlad_ on this, and would emphasise that either you love her as she is, or you don't really love her.

I think you need to have a big think about your different views on her lack of ambition. Is there a possibility that over time this will have a negative impact on your relationship? If you decide that it is not an obstacle, then pick up the phone.

LegacyUser

_dublinlad_ wrote: »

Was your family having a relationship with this girl, or where you?! First and foremost you shouldnt be listening to anybody else on the matter. Sure your family is important and it would be nice to have their blessing, but I would never leave a girl I love because they have a low opinion of her..

What are your feelings on this? Does this actually bother YOU?

I can kind of see your point though if it does bother you. What I find most attractive in a girl is the continual willingness to better themselves, not for me - but because they want to themselves, physicaly, socially and career wise.

I knew that line would be said about my family having the relationship with the ex but that was only their opinion like the opinions i want from the people on here so unlike what you said, i should listen to other people including you on the matter for advice.

Well yes it obviously does bother me when that is the reason i broke up with her because of her lack of ambition but the reason im asking for advice is because i cant seem to get over her I think about her all the time i just cant help it. Maybe i do love her as she is and needed these few months to realize that but when i was with her i kept wondering about the future and about her lack of a career she just has no interest, which is a massive thing. I guess thats what bothers me. Apart from that she is everything that i have ever wanted in a woman, looks after herself, very close to her family and our personalities are such that we got on very well. I'm just not sure what to do.

I am a friend

You clearly don't respect her (as you don't respect her lifestyle choices) so I would recommend you set her fully free to meet someone who loves all aspects of her.

I do think that in years to come you will learn that partners do not come in perfect packages but hopefully it won't be a lesson learned too late for you.

ibarelycare

I am a friend, where does lack of respect come into this?

Although I don't like the OP's uses of class structure, I can see his point of view. He wanted a future with this woman but being with someone with zero ambition is extremely frustrating. Wanting similar things in the future is very important in a relationship. The OP may wish to have a nice house, big family, fun holidays, etc. However if his partner has no career ambitions then these things will be a lot more difficult to achieve.

I am a friend

Thinking.. wrote: »

I guess she would be seen as lower class

Thinking.. wrote: »

My family wanted me to break up with her saying i could do better which deep down i know all that

The above comments are really cheap and disrespectful...

LegacyUser

I am a friend wrote: »

You clearly don't respect her (as you don't respect her lifestyle choices) so I would recommend you set her fully free to meet someone who loves all aspects of her.

I do think that in years to come you will learn that partners do not come in perfect packages but hopefully it won't be a lesson learned too late for you.

I fully understand every single person has faults and don't come in perfect packages some more so than others as you have kindly exercised in trying to undermine me. I have every respect for her i was just stating the facts about the situation to try give people a picture, relationships are not so black and white as you seem to think.
About the second part that you have bolded she herself often said that to me that's because she just wanted to hear me reassure her as she is a slightly insecure woman.

@ibarelycare -exactly you understand what im trying to say. Its a tough one because i feel like she is the girl for me as i have never felt anything close to what i have for my ex for any other woman i have met. But looking to the future together it very unclear about how it would pan out considering her lack of ambition.