Help Needed Urgently

confusedman

I will apologise for my bad spelling and grammar to begin with. I am sort of at a loss of what to do and would just like some advice or outside perspective. My background is I am a 23 year old student, conventional or relatively attractive guy (I am told), and I almost certainly suffer from some form of depression and spend a lot of my time lounging about and not really doing much but can put put a very good act on to other people and do go out a lot. I have basically had girlfriends before all of whom were attractive but always had this situation happen at different points, but i was looking for advice on my current situation. i have been going out with a girl from college about 3 years younger than me for about a month who should tick all the boxes. She is very attractive, studys medicine and is rich. But i just find myself so indifferent. She came to visit me last week, and whilst the physical aspects are by the far the best ive ever had in terms of sex, I jsut dont find myself interested in anything she says (in talking about her course etc). I would just lie there and think who is this person next to me. Before the easter break at uni i would go and spend nights with her at her accommodation, watch stuff on the laptop, sleep with her and i was very content and did enoy her company in this relaxed relationship context. However when she was at my house i could feel myself slipping into very sort of apathetic state within myself and towards her (this happens every few weeks or so). So i broke up with her as she left. Suffice to say she got very upset, said she loved me and really wanted to be with me and that we should just have fun for the next 5 months (we have agreed it wont beyond this point because of me going away and her staying at uni). I don't really know what to do, its my birthday next week and she has already brought me an relativly expensive present and i do really fancy her in terms of looks. but sometimes i almost have to pretend to be interested when she starts talking and to a certain extent boasting about the money she has, or explaining something about her degree course. She never really asks me questions and when she does i get the impression she has little or no interest in the answer. My feelings towards her seem very influenced by what mood i am in myself. With the 5 month thing in mind should i just keep spending time with her, enjoy the physical side (which is amazing) and know it will end in 5 months, when she clearly is very very keen on me. Ive had it with all my gf's where even like 5/6/7 months in id always much rather spend time with mates, as I have so much of a laugh with them.

I am a friend

No dont use or lead on the girl - thats what leads to peoples heads getting f**ked up. She likes you more than you like her. Do the honourable thing and move on. No point sticking round if she holds no interest for you.

confusedman

But if she knows its definitely ending come September, there is no harm in enjoying it for what it is...

I am a friend

confusedman wrote: »

But if she knows its definitely ending come September, there is no harm in enjoying it for what it is...

So you have your mind made up

Herrick

confusedman wrote: »

But if she knows its definitely ending come September, there is no harm in enjoying it for what it is...

I'll be honest, to me, it sounds like she's hoping it will last past September. I find it hard to believe that any person would stay with someone they are falling for when it has been laid out that it has no future and end up really hurt.

I mean she says she loves you. She probably hopes that after six months you'll feel the same and that you both will try to make it work somehow.

LegacyUser

If you've finished it then leave it....

Seriously, I've been there.

If she has fallen for you, that won't change over 5 months. It'll just get deeper.

She doesn't tick all your boxes obviously and if you get back together it will just get very annoying for you having to listen to her info which you have no interest in.

confusedman

Herrick, thats really insightful but you, because thats pretty much exactly what she said before, but i didnt mention it in my post.

gypsy_rose

You're going to hurt her even more if you stay with her, and you could be meeting other girls you genuinely like while you spend time being bored with her, what's the point?

confusedman

im not sure. we both know its only going on until after summer. the physical stuff outweighs anything else.

Herrick

confusedman wrote: »

Herrick, thats really insightful but you, because thats pretty much exactly what she said before, but i didnt mention it in my post.

That's what I thought.

So i broke up with her as she left. Suffice to say she got very upset, said she loved me and really wanted to be with me

Now, imagine her being the above ten fold after six months. Currently she's in the "oh he'll change his mind and feel different about me in six months" mode. That's why she talks about just having fun for the next while, but shes secretly thinks/hopes you'll be in love with her and want to make it work by then. It obvious after her reaction.

If your not interested in her and are definitely sure you won't be interested in taking it further after six months, end it with her now as it sounds like she will be devastated down the line.

Herrick

confusedman wrote: »

im not sure. we both know its only going on until after summer. the physical stuff outweighs anything else.

I get what your saying. You have laid your cards on the table, so you are being honest, which is fair enough.

But it sounds like she's only agreeing to this because she believes that you will have changed your mind and be in love with her by then, which you know you won't be.

The long and the short of it is, to me anyway, is she thinks this will last far beyond the six months and is only agreeing to this "fun" for the next while as she believes you will change your mind sooner or later.

I am a friend

confusedman wrote: »

the physical stuff outweighs anything else.

As I said you seem to have your mind made up and for the above reason. dunno why you are posting?

Katy89

I am a friend wrote: »

As I said you seem to have your mind made up and for the above reason. dunno why you are posting?

thinking the same. what is your intention to post about it?

for me it seems you are looking for kind of an absolution from people here, the one answer which will suit you, cause in the back of your mind you know you're obviously using her.
you mentioned more than once the 'great physical stuff', and she's rich...
see, it's completely up to you to be an a** and have her for the next 5 month available for this or you can leave it, be a decent guy and don't carry on with her.
what is it, what you would recommend?

confusedman

Look what am i going to do, im only human. I have a very attactive girl, and when i say attractive i mean like a good 8/10, not internet standards where many people say yeah my gf's 'beautiful' and really its just a fat bird or distintly average looking girl, who i love to sleep with and spoils me on my bday. I posted to be offered some outside wisdom, which has helped me make my choice. Why on earth would i chuck it in, when she knows its ending in 5 months no matter what, no strings attached. BOOM

Ickle Magoo

Since you've made your mind up, there seems little point in this thread remaining open.

All the best OP.