Facebook Depression

LegacyUser

I know this might seem a little silly but Facebook really depresses me.

I feel like everytime I sign on I see posts,tags,pic from my freinds and just make me feel very left out. my freinds don't include me in much on it.

I'm not popular on it - not a lot of people like my pics,posts etc.

I have friends but none i'm really close to. They are more socializing freinds rather then actual real freinds. I drink with them that's about it.
Sometimes I just feel like i'm not liked enough for them to include me in things and my profile is very much left in the dark. Putting FB aside 8/10 I do have to contact them, they don't contact me much.

One example:
last weekend I had texted a friend and ask was she "doing anything that night?" She replied with "not sure yet but will let you know"
Didn't hear from her for the rest of the day then that night signed on to FB and she had posted that she was going out and uploaded a pics of her and the rest heading out. This annoyed me so much that I couldn't sleep at all that night, and I just felt extermaly low.
I didn't want to text her cause I don't want to start drama and look like i'm bothered over it.

I know the obvious thing to do here is not sign on to FB and to confront my freinds but If I dont sign onto it i'll feel like Im missing something.
I'm in a job where i've access to FB all day which doesn't make it any easier.

I know I might be reading into this to much but how do I stop reading into and letting it affect me , cause I know myself i'm been silly and I don't want it getting to me.

Does anyone else get like this with FB ? Any suggestions on what to do ?

LegacyUser

First off you have to remember that facebook only is a reflection of real life, most people will try and portray themselves as interesting / funny / adventurous / whatever. Everything is stage managed so try and bear that in mind when you are looking at it.

I think your bigger issue might be your confidence in yourself or your friends. As you said yourself you think of them as maybe more acquaintances sometimes - if that is really the case maybe you need to start thinking about finding some new friendships or working on building up some existing ones. Or maybe they are actual friends and you are feeling down in your own self-confidence and that is where you need to work.

Facebook isn't really your issue in my opinion, it's just a proxy. I don't think not logging or deleting your profile is going to help, because then you will just torture yourself thinking you are missing out. Take what is posted up with a pinch of salt and try and judge things on real world interactions. And if that is where the problem lies, try and work on it there.

LegacyUser

Imagine for a second that Facebook/social networking was never invented - how would you deal with this problem then? Being excluded or marginalised (intentional or not) from events, lack of contact......only a few years ago, you would have either had to phone or meet up with the people/person involved and talk about it (or just pretend it wasn't happening and be miserable....). Facebook is great in ways, and funnily enough very isolating in other ways!!

On another note, how active are you yourself on Facebook? Do you comment on other friends updates, photo's, etc? Sometimes if you're a Facebook 'lurker', people can almost forget you're on their Friends list - I certainly have people on my friends list that I forget are there! If Facebook is the medium of choice between you and your 'friends', (as it is among many), if you're not very active there currently, then perhaps you could be a bit more proactive - post some photos, update your status with something cool that happened to you that day, that sort of thing. If you're visible, there's more of a chance that you'll be seen, if that makes sense

Another scenario - are these people really your friends??? If you genuinely feel you are being excluded deliberately or ignored either online or IRL, then believe me, you do not need them as friends. Better to cut your losses with them and try to build up a network of friends who actually will bother their arses telling you if they're going out and asking you along. Your friend surely knew that you would see on FB that they had gone out, having said she would contact you and then not done so. Either she completely genuinely forgot or is really not a nice person. Either way, really the only way to get closure on this is to bring it up with them. It could even be casual, like 'oh I see ye were in town on Saturday night...and there's poor me at home watching The Saturday Night Show, ya wagon, haha...gimme a buzz next time and I'd love to join ye.'

It's not easy to make new friends, I know, but better to have only two or three GOOD mates than a larger group who aren't really bothered with including you in plans or nights out. If you're a nice, decent person who doesn't turn into a screeching banshee when drunk then odds are the problem is with them, not you.

girl2

I think if it's making you feel that way you need to stop going on there.

I think this is interesting…

[mod snip]

Idle Passerby

Facebook has alot more to do with how people want to be perceived rather than who they actually are and what they're actually doing.

It can feel very isolating when your constantly having it rubbed in your face how much fun other people are having but think of it this way: If your genuinely enjoying yourself you wouldnt feel the need to tell the world how much fun your life is, you'd be too busy having fun! Its all a smokescreen really.

I think rather than trying to guage how liked you are by how much attention is paid to your facebook page. Try to develop interests of your own in real life and maybe block the newsfeeds from friends whose posts upset you. You'd be surprised how much better you feel and how quickly you loose interest in what they are getting up to when its not popping up on your screen every day.

I feel for you that you feel ignored by your friends and I know its alot easier to say this than to live by it, but anyone who doesn't think your worth spending time with is not worth your time.

R.D. aka MR.D

I deleted my Facebook nearly 2 years ago and for about 2 weeks I was completely lost, wondering what people were up to?

But then you know what happened? I stopped caring and got on with my own life.

It's amazing what a difference it can. People post only positive things about themselves and of nights out. For example one of the girls from work would always have pics up of nights out and a status about how amazing the night was on Facebook. I was always a bit jealous of her weekends. But after i deleted facebook I would ask, how was your weekend and she would respond honestly, 'oh it was grand, went home early etc etc. Real life and facebook are not the same thing.

The real problem is your so called friends not inviting you out. Have you thought about what the reason for that might be?

blatantrereg

Agree it's not really a facebook issue. Normal to feel bad if you're being excluded by people you think of as friends.
Personally I'd be pretty offended by the incident you described there. Would be putting energy/emotion elsewhere than that group.

Stuff on facebook might be rubbing it in though alright. FB's a means for validation/exhibitionism for lots of people. The unsub button is your friend.

EGAR

A friend of mine posted a pic on my wall a while back which really REALLY made me laugh. It said: *Being popular on facebook is like sitting at the cool table in a lunatic asylum*.

Wompa1

I deleted my Facebook and was off it for nearly a year until I moved away and my family basically told me they wouldn't contact me any other way!!! It's as though people have become dependent on Facebook for communication now.

If I was you I'd delete your account for 2 months and see how you feel after the 2 months. Just stick it out for the 2 months and see how you feel.

Like the other poster had said. A lot of people are dishonest and use it as a political tool. It's not a personal page at all, they put up things to make them seem the way they'd like people to see them. I know a few girls who use it in such a way that it made me completely distrusting of them.

I use the groups feature now, so don't find it as bad as I use to. Also deleted all but 30 of my friends. All good things. You can get something called GreaseMonkey which hides things like suggested friends so you don't have to see people recommended.

Stavro Mueller

What Facebook is doing is collating some uncomfortable truths and hitting you between the eyes with them. Instead of going around in blissful ignorance, you're dealing with the hurtful knowledge that these so-called friends aren't all that keen on you. Would you prefer not to know this?

You need to take a step back and have a think about your relationship to these people. I get the impression that you're the one who's running after them and trying to make them include you. Be honest - if you stopped calling and texting, would they pick up the phone and seek you out?

Aodh Rua

Loads of people feel like that with internet social fora, such as this one (just look at the number of 'closed accounts' on Boards.ie for instance). It's completely normal to get down about it. You can get wrapped up in constantly looking for validation/acceptance and fail to see the wood for the trees. These are all essentially ego machines, whether it's the 'friend' system on Facebook or the 'thanks' system on Boards, and when your own ego/sense of self is precarious it's a really bad idea to seek acceptance/validation from others.

I have never had a Facebook account for this reason (and also privacy). For any friends that I want to contact/who want to contact me, we can use other forms of contact. Despite what people might contend, you can live happily without Facebook.

As a life guideline, it's a bad idea to be living in the shadow of other people's lives. Facebook has too much of that. It is natural that people lash out when they are in social networks/fora when they feel vulnerable and should be going through things privately. The wiser way to seek acceptance is by developing your self. Your own life is much more interesting and most of all you can make it something. You have control and that empowers, gives confidence and makes you a better, stronger person. Then, if you wish, you can go back to such fora a more confident person with a solid basis for your self worth.

sashafierce

This post has been deleted.

Ickle Magoo

sashafierce, please do not suggest posters get into private consul with you - it is against forum rules.

If you have an issue you wish advice on, please feel free to start your own thread but please leave other threads for advice pertinent to the poster that started them.

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Many thanks.


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Missy Moo Moo

treegreen10 wrote: »

I know this might seem a little silly but Facebook really depresses me.

I feel like everytime I sign on I see posts,tags,pic from my freinds and just make me feel very left out. my freinds don't include me in much on it.

I'm not popular on it - not a lot of people like my pics,posts etc.

I have friends but none i'm really close to. They are more socializing freinds rather then actual real freinds. I drink with them that's about it.
Sometimes I just feel like i'm not liked enough for them to include me in things and my profile is very much left in the dark. Putting FB aside 8/10 I do have to contact them, they don't contact me much.

One example:
last weekend I had texted a friend and ask was she "doing anything that night?" She replied with "not sure yet but will let you know"
Didn't hear from her for the rest of the day then that night signed on to FB and she had posted that she was going out and uploaded a pics of her and the rest heading out. This annoyed me so much that I couldn't sleep at all that night, and I just felt extermaly low.
I didn't want to text her cause I don't want to start drama and look like i'm bothered over it.

I know the obvious thing to do here is not sign on to FB and to confront my freinds but If I dont sign onto it i'll feel like Im missing something.
I'm in a job where i've access to FB all day which doesn't make it any easier.

I know I might be reading into this to much but how do I stop reading into and letting it affect me , cause I know myself i'm been silly and I don't want it getting to me.

Does anyone else get like this with FB ? Any suggestions on what to do ?

Hi OP,

The poster who said that Facebook is stage managed is spot on. Think about it, people will put their best foot forward on Facebook to impress their audience (their friends). Whos going to post the mundane hum drum details of their life on Facebook "Tonight, I cooked dinner, got into a fight with my boyfriend over whose turn it is to do the washing up and watched Eastenders." Who is going to tag photos of themselves first thing in the morning or while they're cleaning the house or something? Most people get sick of those serial posters anyway and I know a lot of people who consign serial posters to the hidden pile!

Now, putting FB aside for a moment-I don't know your friend and the circumstances of your friendship or why she never came back to you. Is it possible she honestly forgot? Next time you haven't heard anything all day would it be an option to send her a message saying something like "hey just wondering what the plan is," or something similar? If she forgets to answer again, then you have your answer there.

When you say you only drink with them, would it be an option for you to suggest other activities, like cinema, gig, coffee, whatever?

Might be worth looking at avenues to making other friends too to widen your social circle rather than staring forlornly at your computer screen.

Best of Luck OP

leggo

I agree with everyone who says this may be just highlighting a bigger issue with your friends here.

But on both counts, what are you pro-actively doing to solve the problem yourself? (Genuine question, I'm not suggesting you're doing nothing) I know and have studied quite a lot about social media marketing and the one thing that constantly comes back to me, and I've learned personally, is that you get out of it what you put in. In other words, if I expect people to interact with me or my business, I have to take the bull by the horn and get out there and interact with them. I can't think they're all sitting there thinking about me because everyone I know has their own lives to worry about just like me, so I've to make myself count. Put it this way, why would someone ask "how are you doing?" if you're not going to ask them either?

It applies as much to everyday life as it does business. Facebook is a social medium and the onus is on being social. Being interesting, interested, considerate, funny, talkative but also a good listener, everything that makes you gravitate towards other people.

People are always quick to say "get new friends" in these situations. That might be a solution, then again it might not. If you're not putting in enough to sustain a friendship, perhaps without realising, then maybe you'll just get the same results. Obviously something has gone pear-shaped. I'm not saying it's your fault, but don't be afraid to give yourself a good, fair look in the mirror and see if there's something you can do first to resolve the problem. If that comes back negative, then try something else and move forward.

Finally, remember you're not the only person out there who feels like this. We all get it at some stage. If I miss one night out with my mates, I feel left out. It feels very isolating, especially when you see the banter on Facebook and don't know what it's about, but as others have pointed out that's how people interact on Facebook. You see a million "great night last night!" posts every weekend but never any saying "I feel lonely". And yet it's something we all know, fear and worry about. I hope that you realise this and see that your problem only makes you completely normal.

Missy Moo Moo

leggo wrote: »

I agree with everyone who says this may be just highlighting a bigger issue with your friends here.

But on both counts, what are you pro-actively doing to solve the problem yourself? (Genuine question, I'm not suggesting you're doing nothing) I know and have studied quite a lot about social media marketing and the one thing that constantly comes back to me, and I've learned personally, is that you get out of it what you put in. In other words, if I expect people to interact with me or my business, I have to take the bull by the horn and get out there and interact with them. I can't think they're all sitting there thinking about me because everyone I know has their own lives to worry about just like me, so I've to make myself count. Put it this way, why would someone ask "how are you doing?" if you're not going to ask them either?

It applies as much to everyday life as it does business. Facebook is a social medium and the onus is on being social. Being interesting, interested, considerate, funny, talkative but also a good listener, everything that makes you gravitate towards other people.

People are always quick to say "get new friends" in these situations. That might be a solution, then again it might not. If you're not putting in enough to sustain a friendship, perhaps without realising, then maybe you'll just get the same results. Obviously something has gone pear-shaped. I'm not saying it's your fault, but don't be afraid to give yourself a good, fair look in the mirror and see if there's something you can do first to resolve the problem. If that comes back negative, then try something else and move forward.

Finally, remember you're not the only person out there who feels like this. We all get it at some stage. If I miss one night out with my mates, I feel left out. It feels very isolating, especially when you see the banter on Facebook and don't know what it's about, but as others have pointed out that's how people interact on Facebook. You see a million "great night last night!" posts every weekend but never any saying "I feel lonely". And yet it's something we all know, fear and worry about. I hope that you realise this and see that your problem only makes you completely normal.

All of the above is spot on. The new friends thing is more around widening social circles, which is never any harm for anyone to do, even if you're the most popular person. I agree that the OP needs to take more of an active role with their current friends.

Forgot to add in my last post OP, if you miss a night out and see status updates/ tagged photos or whatever, maybe you could comment something like "looks like a great night, can't wait for the next one/ can't wait to hear all about it" or something along those lines?

sashafierce

This post has been deleted.

saa

My aim is to keep a facebook where people can contact me and check invites to events but do not bother to read the feed, really is there anything worth while you can get from it not really.

LegacyUser

In this situation I'm actually your friends. Yes it makes us bitchy, but there's a certain group of us who are close friends and then there's this other girl and one or two other people. We don't invite her out when we go out because she is annoying. She's really loud, interrupts people, generally needs babysitting if you ever want to go out (doesn't know where stuff is/afraid of being left alone anywhere etc) and generally just drives us insane and we are not obliged to invite her places. You need to look at your own behavior and then decide maybe you and their personalities just don't mix.

face1990

I think you ought to assess your existing friendships & decide if you want to keep hanging around with these people: if so, make an extra effort to meet up with them, force yourself on them! if not, work on extending your real-life social network.

Also, stop worrying about facebook. It won't do you any good
.
Sometimes it's amazing to see how a night out or party (which you were at and it was a dull night all round) can be portrayed as being the best night ever!
It can be very convincing! You'd only know the true boredom of the night if you'd actually been there!

Oh, one more thing: As a general rule, the number of photos taken on a night out is inversely proportional to how much fun was had. People only take hundreds of photos when there's nothing else to do.

Ellie2008

Forgot to add in my last post OP, if you miss a night out and see status updates/ tagged photos or whatever, maybe you could comment something like "looks like a great night, can't wait for the next one/ can't wait to hear all about it" or something along those lines?[/Quote]


I think this is a bad idea, if the OP misses a night out because she wasn't invited it seems a bit desperate to then say "can't wait for the next one". OP if you have to contact these girls the vast majority of the time it seems to me that they re not that interested. Move on and try and make new friends.

Stavro Mueller

I think Facebook is the messenger that's being shot in some of this thread. Everyone knows that it's not reality, that it's an ego boost/full of drivel/a bit of fun/great way to stay in touch with family and friends. Delete as applicable. The issue here is that the original poster knows in her heart and soul that she's being excluded from this group of friends and the evidence is there every time she logs on. For most of us, if we see our friends tagged at events we weren't at or they don't always "like" or comment on what we put up on our walls, it doesn't cost us a second thought because we're not questioning the friendships. The original poster is and that's the core issue here.

In her post, she also asked if she should confront them. She has been grappling with this. Is it better to have it out with them or not let them see it's getting to her. Myself, I'd favour the latter. The way I see it, if this lot are only tolerating her as a hanger on to their group, why let them see that they're upsetting her. Perhaps they really don't care whether she lives or dies.

She would be better off asking herself why they are excluding her? Is it just that their personalities don't gel or does she do things when they go out that might annoy them? She said she's not particularly close to them so is it just that she's been using them as a bunch of people to go out with?

Secondly, she probably needs to work on developing new friendships. If she reckons proper friendships can't come from this bunch of people, she needs to start meeting other people.

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone for the replies.

I have taken all your advice on board, and appreciate it all.

With regards facebook i'm just not going to use it anymore, one person made a good point in saying no one is going to post how crap their life is on facebook.
Facebook just isn't for some people and I'm one of them.
There's more things to life then a stupid social networking site

With regards my friends I'm gonna maybe try make more of an effort with them, if i'm still not getting a good vibe after that well then maybe it's time to move on from them.
Gonna try focus on not taking things to heart, my freind might have genuinely forgot to contact me... either way time will tell.
It's hard for me to make new friends as I'm in a quite job working with people who are alot older then me.

I think my main problem is that I get over paroniod and take things to heart to quickly and my emotions change quickly , i'm either up and happy or else really down. It's hard to change that about me, but i'm just gonna have to work on it and hopefully change it or improve it.


It's good to see that i'm not the only one who feel like this and great to see postive and helpful feedback.

Will try keep yous posted on the outcome in the coming weeks if the thread is still open.

Thanks Guys

MaroonAndGreen

Facebook is an opportunity for people to try their best to make themselves look good.

Its fully right that nobody is going to intentionally make themselves look unpopular or unfriendly etc.

So Facebook cant be taken seriously OP.

Dont let it get you down