Boyfriend thinks I'm cheating?

LegacyUser

I've been with him for a year now, but his opinion of me seems to differ constantly. Sometimes he's all over me, and says that he'd love to spend the rest of his life with me, and other times he just says he 'isn't sure' and thinks that I'll just meet someone else and leave him.

He sometimes thinks that I've met someone else, and then tells me if I'm not happy I'm free to leave him whenever I want, he doesn't care. Even though sometimes he says that he'd hate to lose me. He has been cheated on and really hurt in the past, so of course it is no surprise that he may find it difficult to trust me. But I trust him 110%, and he seems to be suspicious on me when I head off places and then the questions he asks seems to be like an interrogation.

I would never hurt him or put him through what he has been put through in the past, but he doesn't seem to realise this. It really upsets me when he says things like that, am I being silly? He has no reason to be suspicious of me, and it breaks my heart because I love him so much and have done absolutely nothing wrong.

What would you do? I have made it clear to him that I would never do anything to hurt him, and if I was ever unhappy I would tell him. I tell him everything but he just thinks somethings up sometimes, when they're is nothing up.

Yeah, I think you might not want to hear this, but stuff like that is generally a form of control. He has you constantly pleading to stay with him and so on. He's probably getting a kick out of it.
And if he isn't, he may well not care.
Tell him to cop himself on and that it's not acceptable behaviour. Relationships should be about love and trust, not being interrogated every time you step out the door.
You do need to stand up for yourself and try to stop letting yourself be controlled - easier said than done, I know, but hopefully it hasn't gone too far yet.

As for your question - there is nothing you can do to convince him, because it's not about you, it's about him. Don't take responsibility for someone else's problems.

curlzy

Hey OP,

Well he definately has trust issues. You need to explain to him that you can't prove a negative, i.e. that you're NOT cheating on him etc. He needs to understand that while you're aware of his past, his past doesn't excuse the heartache and upset he's causing you. Tell him has to deal with HIS issues if he wants to stay in a relationship with you. Seriously OP, you need to put this back on his shoulders, there is nothing you can do here besides break your heart jumping through hoops, it is HIS issue and while it's sad that he was messed around in the past you deserve 100% trust (you've never broken his trust). His carry-on is selfish, hurtful, destructive, needy, pathetic and will ultimately push you away. Seriously OP, this is textbook trust issues and it is very destructive and really quite bad for you, it'll effect your confidence and your peace of mind. That's not fair.

So yeah, get tough OP and stand up for yourself. Tell him to sort it out or you won't be around anymore, tell him it's very bloody insulting not to be trusted and that if he can't get a handle on it he's going to have to get a councellor because treating you with undeserved mistrust just isn't on and you won't be putting up with it anymore.

Best of luck.

EDIT: Just read Bluewolf and Sunflower responses and I agree, this could be an effort to control you OP, if it is, then his behaviour is alot more sinister than I thought when giving the answer above. Either way, you need to get tough and stand up for yourself, you don't deserve this **** and let him know you won't be accepting it anymore.