Over with the GF?

LegacyUser

Hi,

Ok... So this story is quite a confusing one. I broke up with my ex in Jan of 2010 while in 2nd year of college, spent that semester and summer single and had the time of my life. Was mad about the single life and soaked it up.

On the first day of college I met this beautiful girl whom I ended up staying with every night of that semester and, while I did ask her out, in my head it was always a short term thing (I thought that I was going away for the following semester and that she was graduating and moving on after that - so basically we'd never see each other again).

However, it came to pass that we stuck together and have maintained a sometimes strained long distance relationship and have worked through it until now, a year later.

But I never really felt fully settled, I had not planned on entering a serious relationship, and being honest I was only over my ex about 2 weeks when I met the current girl. So after lots of questioning and thinking about how great single college life was (and the fact that I'm going on a J1) I saw that we were a sinking ship and decided to take a few months out.

I now wholly regret that decision, I realise that I am in love and that that is such a powerful force, and I see exactly how I was behaving which made the relationship become strained, etc.

I returned to the girl, cap in hand, a month after the break up and poured out my heart, after two weeks of it looking like we were getting back together, it somehow fell apart in her head and she is refusing point blank to get back with me at the moment (citing the J1 as an issue as well as stress) etc. But she is in love with me, I know this cause she said it lots and I could see it in her that I still melt her heart - and so I'm so confused.

I'm here, lying in bed, after getting two hours sleep last night I thought I'd be out for the count tonight, but I'm not at all. My stomach is sore, I've jumped from rage, to saddness to feeling sorry for myself ten times over - I'm in love with her, I know I want to spend the rest of my life with her and raise a family together, we are so compatible and we have worked for a year to get to where we will be in like 12 weeks time (living together again), but she isnt up for trying again. I dont know what to do, i need to win her back, but any option i have come up with wont suit her. They are either not what she wants, or she is refusing to let me pull out of the j1 (etc) because its too big a deal, affects too many people and she feels that i could resent her in the future.

But the reality is that i now resent the j1, and would do anything to get to spend my life with her (i know, that if i was to go and return there would only be a 10% chance of us getting back together).... I know your responses will be 'just let it be and see what happens' but, I really want to be with her! >< I'm so feckin heartbroken right now its horrible, and the worst thing is is that I know I created this situation!!!!

Sorry for the rant, I dont even know what I'm hoping to get from this - I just felt like I wanted to put it out there ... any thoughts?

Thank you for reading!

squonk

You have two choices really.

1. Give up the J1 and go back to her in the hope that she'll change her mind.
2. Go on the J1 and move on.

Are you moving back in with her in 12 weeks?

Being a cold clear light of day person my gut reaction is to actually go on J1. Get a break. It's for the summer only and you can clear the air and get some new experiences. You need to get some perspective on all this right now. I think you're putting too much emphasis on the fact that you ended things. You're only in college so talking about kids etc is a bit mad do you not think? Go away for a bit, meet some new people and get a perspective on where you are right now with you life and where you want to go to. If I read correctly and it's true tahat you're moving back in with your ex in 12 weeks time, then there's nothing to stop you taking up where you left off at that stage when you've both had a chance to think and destress. If she loves you like you think, then the time apart for her will be rough too so you might end up taking the relationship way more seriously.

Incidentally, if she's graduating and you're presumably in college, what's she doing moving back in with you in 12 weeks? If that's indeed the case and she has got a job or gets one soon, there'll be quite a challenge then also as she embarks on her career, meets new people and starts to develop her after-college lifestyle. She certainly won't be as receptive to college activities as time goes on. I hung out with my friends from some of the Socs the first year I worked but naturally moved away after that.

I am a friend

Are you likely to be faithful to her while away on the J1??

You have already broken her heart - I dont think I would give you a second chance to do the same.

wivy

Go on the J1.
Everything happens for a reason.
If you come back and it works out well and good.
If not, perhaps it just wasnt meant to be.

LegacyUser

Thank you guys so much for your replies. More than anything else I just needed to rant and let off some steam in a public/private way so this forum was so good to allow me to do just that!

The plan was was that we would move back in after the J1, but as two singletons - I would be arriving back to Ireland just as she would need to move back in somewhere and clearly that ain't an ideal situation!

She was the year ahead of me in college so she has been working in Dublin the past year and Ill be heading up after the Summer - sorry for not providing ya with all d background facts.

OK, just to update ye... shes had a change of heart and does want to try getting back and doing the slightly shorter J1, now its just selling the idea to my mates is the issue! =P

Thanks again for your input!

wivy

Good for you OP.
Hope it all works out for ye!

squonk

Good stuff! Hope it all goes well.

Johnny_BravoIII

You're possibly coming on too heavy & over-thinking things.
You love her. Cool.
But it doesn't have to be grand gestures "spend the rest of my life", "have my babies" type of stuff.

Plans are grand but live for today.
Take baby steps. See her this week, next week and see how it goes....
Go on the J1,see how it goes.......... If she goes home early, so what?
It's well possible you will hate each other & fall out over the summer.
Why decide to live together next year now?

If you keep loading all these future scenarios into your current day relationship, you will eventually find enough reasons/scenarios for it not to work.
Take it 1 day at a time.

Finally, Keep your mates out of your love-life.