Friends, to being no friend.

LegacyUser

Just wondering what your opinions would be on this.

I'm totally devastated and I'm not sure what to do. I've been really really good friends with this guy for the last 4 years. I really valued him as a friend. However behind it all its turned out that he has actually fancied me for the last four years - to which I never copped on to! as he didn't make it obvious and he acted like any of the rest of the guys would towards me. I met him through a group of friends and basically the guy can do no wrong to them.

Lately, he has made it more than obvious that he fancies me and has made several moves but I have explained that I really just want him as a friend and that I would value him more as a friend to which he never really accepts and continues to try flirt with me and make suggestions. Recently on nights out in particular, he become so intoxicated that he becomes more and more obvious that he might aswell throw himself on top of me like for example one night he tried to drag me into a bedroom, he grabbed by arms so hard that he left bruises on them and was being extremely persistent that he just "wanted to talk" whilst undoing his belt.Whilst this was happening all my so called friends could do was laugh and comment on how he wasn't able to handle shots.

I talked to him about it the next day - and he wouldn't believe me. And it wasn't until my friends said it - he did and because the rest found it funny - he thought it was funny. Lately he hasn't really been talking to me - its as if he's tried everything to make me fancy him - that he's given up on our friendship, which I can understand, ok fair enough but I find out today that he's being saying stuff behind my back to the others that are completely untrue and has also even tracked down a guy I have been seeing recently and telling him stories that I sleep around, and that I'll never settle down - basically that I have a habit of sleeping around - which again is completely UNTRUE! All of these people of which are ignoring me!

I just don't understand, what he's at. Should I just cut all ties with this guy? Cutting all ties will probably also mean cutting all ties with the rest of the gang also. Confused.

He tried to force himself on you, bruised you, is spreading lies about you - of course you should cut off all ties
As for the rest of the "gang", considering they seemed to find the assault hilarious, I don't know that losing them would be much loss either

ennis81

Yes you should cut all ties, protect yourself from people who don't have your best interests at heart, this chap has hurt you and is making your life difficult, you sound young and he sounds creepy, "un doing his belt while trying to force you into a bedroom with him to talk" majorly weird I don't care how many shots he did. take care

SunnyDub1

"for example one night he tried to drag me into a bedroom, he grabbed by arms so hard that he left bruises on them and was being extremely persistent that he just "wanted to talk" whilst undoing his belt"
This is not normal - I would classify this as assault.

Drink or no drink you don't do that. He should respect your choice and move on. He's no a "Friend" . Friends don't do that to other Friends. Cut all ties immediately.


Seriously my advice would be stay well away - he sounds like someone that is not right in the head, and his actions towards you are very worrying.

Really why would you want a Friend like that?
Your other Friends might be finding it funny cause they don't realize how serious it is or how it's affecting you. I suggest you talk to one of them about this. It's not normal behavior and it's not fair on you to suffer because if his immature and dangerous reactions to you not wanting anymore then a friendship. And if they all fall out with you over this then they are friends not worth having.

Idle Passerby

"He's tried everything to make you fancy him"!

He has no respect for you at all. If he was a genuine friend that had a crush he would not be causing you physical damage and forcing himself on you in such an aggressive and insensitive manner. I doubt he's fancied you secretly for years, that suggests shyness and a fear of ruining the friendship. His behavior suggests that he has decided to try it on with you, was rejected and now he no longer feels the need to show you any level of respect. He and your other "friends" are laughing at the idea that he tried to sexually assault you! No body needs friends like that.

leeroybrown

With regards to the no longer friends thing, I can see why this would have happened. He's probably spent a lot of the last four years stuck in a situation where he knows you think of him solely as a friend but that he wants to be a lot more. He'll have kept resisting making a move because he had his doubts about your interest and didn't want to ruin your friendship. Eventually if you like someone enough it gets to the point where you can't just hide it and stay just friends. Try being around someone you seriously like as a friend watching them score other people, trying to act normal when there's only one person in the room you're interested in. It really hurts and I can see why he's behaving really strangely around you.

I've been in a few situations like that on both sides of the 'friendship' and they all have one thing in common in that I'll never be close friends with any of them again.

EDIT: I'll add that his behaviour isn't acceptable before someone jumps down my throat.

SunnyDub1

leeroybrown wrote: »

With regards to the no longer friends thing, I can see why this would have happened. He's probably spent a lot of the last four years stuck in a situation where he knows you think of him solely as a friend but that he wants to be a lot more. He'll have kept resisting making a move because he had his doubts about your interest and didn't want to ruin your friendship. Eventually if you like someone enough it gets to the point where you can't just hide it and stay just friends. Try being around someone you seriously like as a friend watching them score other people, trying to act normal when there's only one person in the room you're interested in.

This isn't her fault ?

It really hurts and I can see why he's behaving really strangely around you.

Don't be around her then - move on !

I've been in a few situations like that on both sides of the 'friendship' and they all have one thing in common in that I'll never be close friends with any of them again.

EDIT: I'll add that his behavior isn't acceptable before someone jumps down my throat.

Sorry I don't agree with this.

The girl has made it clear that all she wants is a friendship with the guy.
I don't see why she should suffer, having Friends laugh at her and guy abuse her and start spreading rumors about her - just cause she's no interest in starting a relationship with him. He needs to move on and stop making her life hell for her.

OP isn't just losing a "Friend", it's affecting what her group of Friends think of her and what others are saying about her.

leeroybrown

Did I say it was her fault? NO! I offered a suggestion into why he was behaving so strangely after four years of friendship. At no point did I say it was her fault or that she should put up with it. If only these things were so simple as just cutting all ties and the problem is solved.

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone for the advice. I'm 21 and I suppose I really knew what to do - ditch them all. Just tired of friends ending up not actually being my friends behind it all. And I've come to realise what he actually is and what he actually done that night is unforgivable - drink or no drink - It was harder to realise this when all the rest were so focussed on it being down to drink and thinking it was funny. It even makes me sick to think I showed them the bruises and they couldn't have cared less. And it really annoys me that they bring it up as one of those "funny nights".