advice needed over unexpected breakup!

seedorf117

Hi guys ill try keep this short as possible.
Im doing a nightcourse, and met a girl in my class last october. Got on seriously well!! She has a 15 month old child, from a previous relationship (dad off scene).

So we started going out in jan, i met the child them too, which was so weird for me at the start, but the more i saw him it was great!
The week we started going out alot of stuff kinda happened, shes under fiancial pressure so she has to downgrade to a smaller house, also one of her parents took ill, we also got 4 projects to do between now and may!!

So the following week, she called time on us saying her head was all over the place etc etc.....i was pretty upset over it at the time, but taking everything into consideration she probably is under serious stress....
i was the first guy she was with in a long time too, she said she found it weird me playing with the kid etc....

ive seen her in college and its kinda awkward, ive sent her one or two texts and very distant replys....when college is over maybe shel have more time, she did say she needs space, but im just afraid im gonna lose her, dont know what to do, any advice??

seedorf117

sunflower27 wrote: »

Hi there

Sounds like she has been really honest with you, so I think you just have to respect her wishes.

Introducing you into the child's life so early on was probably not the best move, but I am guessing she is quite young and maybe jsut got carried away with meeting someone she clicked with.

Her studies are obviously important to her, probably more so at her age because she realises the importance of having a good job down the line to support her child.

As tough as it is, you just have to let her get on and keep your distance. Don't be in her face - she is not going to forget you exist - but she does have a lot on and the life of a single mum is very different to that of a young woman without the responsibility of a small child.

Who knows what will happen down the line, but for now, chin up and don't take it personally - this stuff happens and while it does hurt, you will get over it.

Keep busy as much as you can and try and not dwell on what was as it won't bring her back.

Take care.

thanks for that, shes in her late twenties, everything you have said there made alot of sense! I have texted her though a few times, and in class sat beside her which was a bit awkward, prob not the best move?!! College is over for good end of may so ill see what happens sure....

Herrick

I'd recommend not making much of an effort with her from now as well. Don't text her again, don't make a big effort to sit beside her, talk to her, etc.

Just be polite and have a few casual words in class like you would with the others.

This may sound like games, but thats not what I mean by this. She's stressed and needs her own space. If you keep texting her and going out of your way to be around her in college you'll only end up annoying and crowding her, thus probably ruining what chance you may have.

This way, she has the chance to miss you a bit

Also, don't sit around waiting to see what will happen. If your out and meet other girls, take your chance! Life's too short to be sitting around waiting for someone to make a decision!

seedorf117

Herrick wrote: »

I'd recommend not making much of an effort with her from now as well. Don't text her again, don't make a big effort to sit beside her, talk to her, etc.

Just be polite and have a few casual words in class like you would with the others.

This may sound like games, but thats not what I mean by this. She's stressed and needs her own space. If you keep texting her and going out of your way to be around her in college you'll only end up annoying and crowding her, thus probably ruining what chance you may have.

This way, she has the chance to miss you a bit

Also, don't sit around waiting to see what will happen. If your out and meet other girls, take your chance! Life's too short to be sitting around waiting for someone to make a decision!

thanks herrick, your advice much appreciated. I just hope i haven totally ****ed things up by texting her etc....no more contact now, ball in her court, yep i agree life is too short, although still miss her, just have to get on with it

Overheal

I think all you can do is offer to be there if she never needs any help (like fixing up the house or something as a start), but respect her boundaries.

seedorf117

Overheal wrote: »

I think all you can do is offer to be there if she never needs any help (like fixing up the house or something as a start), but respect her boundaries.

cheers for help much appreciated